When I met my husband in 2008, he had been living with Crohn's for 11 years. He had an illiectumy in 1997 at the age of 14 and had only dealt with periodic flare-ups. He was placed on Humira shortly after we met which has reduced the number of flare ups but compromised his immune system. Since the birth of our son in 2012, he has been hospitalized for pneumonia and most recently severe staph infections, including MRSA, from ingrown hairs. The infections required surgery to drain them, a week in the hospital and home healthcare for a month. He was also just denied life insurance.
We have always wanted two children, but last night he told me he was having second thoughts. He fears that his health will only get worse and that he may not live long. His ultimate fear is dying young and leaving behind young children. He is also worried that a second child will place additional stress on our family - physically, emotionally and financially. I tried my best to keep it together, to listen to him and be supportive, but I broke down in tears during the conversation.
He is a realist (sometimes pessimist) and I am an optimist (sometimes delusionally) so while these differences have always created a perfect balance, the extremes have set us apart on this one. We weren’t planning on trying for another year or two, so I understand that a lot can happen between now and then, but his recent thoughts have left me with an array of feelings I don’t know how to handle. I have been through a great deal of trials in my life (my mother’s suicide, coping with my own anxiety disorder, my husband’s health, and a debilitating pregnancy disorder known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum) but I have always persevered. The thought of not having another child, of not giving our son a sibling, breaks my heart.
If anyone has been through a similar situation or can offer any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
We have always wanted two children, but last night he told me he was having second thoughts. He fears that his health will only get worse and that he may not live long. His ultimate fear is dying young and leaving behind young children. He is also worried that a second child will place additional stress on our family - physically, emotionally and financially. I tried my best to keep it together, to listen to him and be supportive, but I broke down in tears during the conversation.
He is a realist (sometimes pessimist) and I am an optimist (sometimes delusionally) so while these differences have always created a perfect balance, the extremes have set us apart on this one. We weren’t planning on trying for another year or two, so I understand that a lot can happen between now and then, but his recent thoughts have left me with an array of feelings I don’t know how to handle. I have been through a great deal of trials in my life (my mother’s suicide, coping with my own anxiety disorder, my husband’s health, and a debilitating pregnancy disorder known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum) but I have always persevered. The thought of not having another child, of not giving our son a sibling, breaks my heart.
If anyone has been through a similar situation or can offer any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
