I am new on here. I have been avoiding this forum as my husband (Crohn's) uses this forum too. Now I am starting to really not care as I need to speak to people in my situation. My life revolves around Crohn's now. My life is dependant on how my husbands stomach is and whether 18 hours sleep has been enough for him or not. I am trying my best to be supportive but I am loosing the battle.
My husband has always had gastro problems for his whole life. He was finally diagnosed with IBS when he was a teenager and this prevented further investigations for many years 'its only IBS deal with it'. Finally two years ago things go so bad the doctor was worried about stomach cancer and the hospital got involved. Turns out he had stomach ulcers as a result of abusing Nurofen Plus which he was self using to treat his stomach pain. The ulcers went and then he got ill again 6 months later (this time no Nurofen plus I made sure of it). This time the hospital was more thorough and Crohn's was diagnosed. We existed through steriods (steroid pyschosis is very frightening to watch) and him being off work for 6 months and basically sleeping for 22 hours a day. He has no memory of this time but I do. The lonelyness of an house with noone to talk to, having a husband who only has his 'awake' hours when you are asleep (nothing personal apparently but it really feels like it). Now he is back to work and we are in 'remission'. So why do things feel like nothing has changed? He still sleeps when I am awake and goes to bed when I am asleep. I cannot ask him how he is feeling or he will bite my head off for asking 'i was fine until you reminded me'. He still throws up after eating, still complains about stomach pain, still has a go at me for the situation he is in. I am trying my best here I am trying to not voice any of my distress to him -I know it is not his fault he is ill but it is driving me mad that he will not do anything to help the situation. For example he smokes . His gastro has told him to stop smoking, his IBD nurse has told him to stop smoking. The have told him the benefits he will get if he stops smoking. He promised he would quit this Christmas holiday. Nope still smoking regardless.
What has broken me this morning is that I had to go through the rubbish bins today. (Not a crazy stalker had a lost piece of post to try to find and after searching the house the bins were the last resort - still feel sick!) He has always been secretive about his office. There are drawers I am not allowed to open and he always throws out his rubbish every day triple wrapped in bags so the contents cannot be seen. Oh and he also takes out amounts of cash from our account on a regular basis. I have asked him about this cash and he says he like paying in real money occasionally. So anyway in one bin bag one of his rubbish bags had been ripped and I cried when I saw what was inside. Two boxes of Nurofen Plus. The big boxes. I looked in another bag of his more nurofen plus boxes - this is along side the codine he gets on prescription from the GP. Looking at the pharmacy stamps on the boxes on a day he had picked me up from work (x mas bus problems) he had gone from pharmacy to pharmacy buying the tablets from each one - obviously using the cash so no transactional trace for me to see. This just made me see red. The stomach pain I have been so sympathetic about he is taking NSAID's when the hospital has told him never to take ibuprofen again because of stomach ulcers. The constant sleeping - not a surprise considering his nearly overdosing on codine every day. He is an intelligent man he knows what he is doing. It just feels like everything is being thrown back in my face. My life is being destroyed by his illness and he is going nothing to help the situation. I am on anti-depressents, I have been through counselling. I spend my life alone while he sleeps worrying about him and he is doing this in the background.
I am waiting for him to wake up to challenge him about these and I am definitely going to grass him up to his gastro when we are at the hospital next week. I just feel such an idiot for trusting him to look after himself but what can I do - take his money away from him? Take his car keys away? He is an adult and it is his own health he is making worse. I know he is an addict - addicted to smoking, codine god knows what else. I have asked him in the past about his codine intake - whether it is for pain or just for the codine and he did not know. I am just so angry at the moment. He will have zero sympathy should he get ulcers from this!
My husband has always had gastro problems for his whole life. He was finally diagnosed with IBS when he was a teenager and this prevented further investigations for many years 'its only IBS deal with it'. Finally two years ago things go so bad the doctor was worried about stomach cancer and the hospital got involved. Turns out he had stomach ulcers as a result of abusing Nurofen Plus which he was self using to treat his stomach pain. The ulcers went and then he got ill again 6 months later (this time no Nurofen plus I made sure of it). This time the hospital was more thorough and Crohn's was diagnosed. We existed through steriods (steroid pyschosis is very frightening to watch) and him being off work for 6 months and basically sleeping for 22 hours a day. He has no memory of this time but I do. The lonelyness of an house with noone to talk to, having a husband who only has his 'awake' hours when you are asleep (nothing personal apparently but it really feels like it). Now he is back to work and we are in 'remission'. So why do things feel like nothing has changed? He still sleeps when I am awake and goes to bed when I am asleep. I cannot ask him how he is feeling or he will bite my head off for asking 'i was fine until you reminded me'. He still throws up after eating, still complains about stomach pain, still has a go at me for the situation he is in. I am trying my best here I am trying to not voice any of my distress to him -I know it is not his fault he is ill but it is driving me mad that he will not do anything to help the situation. For example he smokes . His gastro has told him to stop smoking, his IBD nurse has told him to stop smoking. The have told him the benefits he will get if he stops smoking. He promised he would quit this Christmas holiday. Nope still smoking regardless.
What has broken me this morning is that I had to go through the rubbish bins today. (Not a crazy stalker had a lost piece of post to try to find and after searching the house the bins were the last resort - still feel sick!) He has always been secretive about his office. There are drawers I am not allowed to open and he always throws out his rubbish every day triple wrapped in bags so the contents cannot be seen. Oh and he also takes out amounts of cash from our account on a regular basis. I have asked him about this cash and he says he like paying in real money occasionally. So anyway in one bin bag one of his rubbish bags had been ripped and I cried when I saw what was inside. Two boxes of Nurofen Plus. The big boxes. I looked in another bag of his more nurofen plus boxes - this is along side the codine he gets on prescription from the GP. Looking at the pharmacy stamps on the boxes on a day he had picked me up from work (x mas bus problems) he had gone from pharmacy to pharmacy buying the tablets from each one - obviously using the cash so no transactional trace for me to see. This just made me see red. The stomach pain I have been so sympathetic about he is taking NSAID's when the hospital has told him never to take ibuprofen again because of stomach ulcers. The constant sleeping - not a surprise considering his nearly overdosing on codine every day. He is an intelligent man he knows what he is doing. It just feels like everything is being thrown back in my face. My life is being destroyed by his illness and he is going nothing to help the situation. I am on anti-depressents, I have been through counselling. I spend my life alone while he sleeps worrying about him and he is doing this in the background.
I am waiting for him to wake up to challenge him about these and I am definitely going to grass him up to his gastro when we are at the hospital next week. I just feel such an idiot for trusting him to look after himself but what can I do - take his money away from him? Take his car keys away? He is an adult and it is his own health he is making worse. I know he is an addict - addicted to smoking, codine god knows what else. I have asked him in the past about his codine intake - whether it is for pain or just for the codine and he did not know. I am just so angry at the moment. He will have zero sympathy should he get ulcers from this!