Advice dealing with family

[bubazoo]

advice dealing with family

What kind of advice can you guys give me about dealing with family?

They get upset hearing about my "bowell movements" so they say,
but when you can't drive a car, and you go over to family's houses,
you know, family picks you up, and you don't leave until the person
you rode with leaves,
for the holidays (thanksgiving, christmas, whatever)
they get upset when you don't want to stay all day/night long...

Why I can't stay over, is because I have diarrhea to deal with
sometimes, or when I have a BM in general, I can't do it in
public or at family's houses because I have Fistulas and can't
just take a "sitz bath" with me wherever I go.. I'm allergic
to every kind of wet wipe that exists on the market, I've tried that,
only thing that works is sitting in a sitz bath for 5 minutes after every
BM, or taking a bath, neither of which I can do away from home.

my question is, what do I tell family?
They don't want to hear about my BM's, but ya gotta tell 'em
something. I try to just tell them I have a "flair up" but they
don't know what that means.

Any advice? because I don't mind getting personal, but i understand
family doesn't want to hear about it. Well, if they don't want to hear
about it, then what are they expecting to hear when I don't feel like
staying? ya know what I mean?

because if I don't tell them something, they complain about me behind
my back claiming I don't love my family, or something stupid like that.
My brother inlaw especially really lays it into me if I don't spend so much
time with the family on holidays. They just don't understand......

 

[farm]

I'd lay it on the table and tell them what was going on (in as much detail as needed) so they would understand.
If they don't want so much info, then they shouldn't be making assumptions behind your back.
People without this disease will never understand it.

 

[fenway1971]

Hi bubazoo,
I agree with farm. several of my family members still don't get it. it's annoying when they say, "try this dish, you'll like it." i politely say no and they think i'm rude yet don't understand that my body can't tolerate it.

one approach might be to direct them to learn about the disease. give them websites. print out info. educate them as best you can.

 

[shazamataz]

I get that too Fen,

Oh a little bit won't hurt - everything in moderation!

Argh!

 

[Guest]

sorry to hear you've got this to deal with, as if having the symptoms isn't enough!

completely understand.. only my very close family members know what i've been through and am going through, and don't try to push me. others give me that look as if to say "here she goes again, moaning she's not feeling well..."

to be honest, along with maturity and life experiences, i've learned not to care what others think or say - but i understand how difficult it is when you're dependent on someone else to take you places and bring you home.. so, my suggestion would be to send an email to them all, telling them exactly what you have to deal with on a daily basis, how you feel emotionally and physically, what effort and extra worries you have when you're out somewhere etc etc.. hopefully, seeing it spelled out in type will send the message home loud & clear, and they'll understand.

 

[merrywidow]

in the uk, british people tend not to talk about bowels and bottoms, so its hard to talk about crohns. when i had a stoma sited we called it "fred" that way it gave the older generation a chance to ask about my health without getting embarressed.

 

[Jennjenn]

I would just tell them exactly whats going on.....If they say they do not want to hear TMI then tell them "how can you understand even a little bit what I am going through if you do not want to hear it". They are your family and if you just tell them even if it upsets them I am sure they are not going to go anywhere. Possibly they do know to an extent, and this is just their way of wrongly directing their frustration about the crohns. I am sorry that you have to go through that with your family.