Back home from the countryside. I am so sad that a place I loved as a child has slowly turned into a place I dread to go to. 
This trip just totally confirmed it. Because of my short gut I use the toilet about 15+ times a day or so. At the farm they have a septic tank. Every time I go there my uncle "reminds" me to use the small flush on the toilet and makes remarks (and jokes) about the tank filling up and such. I don't think he realizes it, but its really hurtful. Ofc I try use as little water as I can, but I am not going to leave the toilet a mess when after using it. An other thing I get tiny remarks about is taking up room in the fridge wiht my ORS and nutrition drinks. I try put just 1 days worth in at a time, and they hardly take that much room.. but every time I get asked if its needed to be there or something of that sort. Both things just make me feel so unwelcome and unwanted there. We used to spend avery holidays there and now I find myself making exuses not to go and begging my mom to make the visits short (like this time comming home today (sunday) instead of tomorrow).
An other thing that bothers me is we drive there a long distance (4 hours) and its 7 people that arrived this time. 2 of them their own childrend and spouses (and new born baby) and then me and my mom. And they had no food reserved for us. I was un able to believe this. We arrived early afternoon and were ofered just bread and later in the evening before bed got a soup that was hardly food for 5 to split with 9 hungry people. I usually make sure I carry my needed foods and drinks and snacks, but I was expecting to have a proper dinner especially when all us girls (as in my cousisns spouses) are skinny. My aunt well knows my condition and the mother of the newlyborn needs good nutrition too. It was such a shoc and again something that just made me feel unwelcome. I went to bed hungry and for me thats a bad start on the next day because my energy level drop hugely over night. Had we know this we would have brought food with us. As it was good friday shops on that day were closed so no options were available at that point anymore.
Just disapointed that a place I used to love and spend all my free time at as a child has turned into a place I no longer want to go and stay at. My mom was diapointed too and was amazed of the behaviour of her sister. I know because of this weekend I will again be wanting to go there even less and probably wont go there for a long time. I might have not even went there now but it was the christning of my cousins baby and we were invited and I wanted to be there. I dont have siblings and my cousins are the closest I have to brothers. Just hurt so much of yeat again a bad visit there.
Also makes me hate myself and my illnes even more for being difficult and demanding. So meny special needs. Just want to stay in my own home where no one is responsible for the situation in my fridge or bathroom but me. And no one makes remarks and just can be who I am. With the love of my 4-legged family that never judge me.
Hate holidays...
This trip just totally confirmed it. Because of my short gut I use the toilet about 15+ times a day or so. At the farm they have a septic tank. Every time I go there my uncle "reminds" me to use the small flush on the toilet and makes remarks (and jokes) about the tank filling up and such. I don't think he realizes it, but its really hurtful. Ofc I try use as little water as I can, but I am not going to leave the toilet a mess when after using it. An other thing I get tiny remarks about is taking up room in the fridge wiht my ORS and nutrition drinks. I try put just 1 days worth in at a time, and they hardly take that much room.. but every time I get asked if its needed to be there or something of that sort. Both things just make me feel so unwelcome and unwanted there. We used to spend avery holidays there and now I find myself making exuses not to go and begging my mom to make the visits short (like this time comming home today (sunday) instead of tomorrow). An other thing that bothers me is we drive there a long distance (4 hours) and its 7 people that arrived this time. 2 of them their own childrend and spouses (and new born baby) and then me and my mom. And they had no food reserved for us. I was un able to believe this. We arrived early afternoon and were ofered just bread and later in the evening before bed got a soup that was hardly food for 5 to split with 9 hungry people. I usually make sure I carry my needed foods and drinks and snacks, but I was expecting to have a proper dinner especially when all us girls (as in my cousisns spouses) are skinny. My aunt well knows my condition and the mother of the newlyborn needs good nutrition too. It was such a shoc and again something that just made me feel unwelcome. I went to bed hungry and for me thats a bad start on the next day because my energy level drop hugely over night. Had we know this we would have brought food with us. As it was good friday shops on that day were closed so no options were available at that point anymore.
Just disapointed that a place I used to love and spend all my free time at as a child has turned into a place I no longer want to go and stay at. My mom was diapointed too and was amazed of the behaviour of her sister. I know because of this weekend I will again be wanting to go there even less and probably wont go there for a long time. I might have not even went there now but it was the christning of my cousins baby and we were invited and I wanted to be there. I dont have siblings and my cousins are the closest I have to brothers. Just hurt so much of yeat again a bad visit there.
Also makes me hate myself and my illnes even more for being difficult and demanding. So meny special needs. Just want to stay in my own home where no one is responsible for the situation in my fridge or bathroom but me. And no one makes remarks and just can be who I am. With the love of my 4-legged family that never judge me.
Hate holidays...
