I should have elaborated (yeah, that's just what this forum needs, me going on N on even MORE!).. about the med phobic thingy.. Pre-illness, I disliked, avoided even, taking anything more than the occasional aspirin. Still not comfortable with popping pills... but there you go. no other alternative under present circumstances.. Years ago, I worked driving cab.. one of the guys I worked with N got to knew fairly well (or so I thought) was bi-polar, in the days before the term was coined. He self medicated, using uppers and downers as a way of coping. I don't know if he was ever properly dx'd or given anything by a reputable doc for his illness. Years later, I fell into a relationship with lovely lady... Sweet, kind, intelligent, eye catchingly beautiful, and incredible maternal instincts N capacity. since I was a single dad, raising kids, this seemed just like a match made in heaven.. however, she had a dark secret... she was bi-polar.
I didn't find it out till she had a literal melt down in front of me and my boys. its a sad condition of the disease that, periodically, esp. when things are going great... folks with this ailment will be compelled to take themselves off meds. The upshot was that the relationship ended. If I'd been alone, I would have risked it.. she meant that much to me. But my sons meant more, and I simply couldn't risk exposing them. If that sounds mean, cowardly, shallow of me, I don't give a .. well, you know what. Those of you who believe in kharma in the here AND now (as opposed to the next life) might ponder if the development of my IBD is some form of mystic payback. However, I wonder what others 'theoretical' stand would be IF... they had kids, were single, didnt' have IBD, but a longtime 'dating' partner developed the disease. Anyway, I digress. There are just days when I wonder what might have been IF one of the symptoms of her disease wasn't that apparently inevitable, inexorable 'tug of war' whether to continue taking her meds/not.
