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Body and Self Confidence Issues

I'm 22 and never had a serious relationship, so I recently put myself out there on a dating website. After not having much luck finding anyone of interest, I had a message off of somebody who lives about 25 miles away. We seemed to hit it off and exchanged numbers and have been texting since then. However, after trying to organise a date to meet up for a coffee, he has been saying he's pretty much busy all day, every day and it would be better to meet in the evening. I explained I'd have to get the train up and he says I can stay the night. By this point I thought I needed to ask what he was looking for - something casual or just dates to see how it goes? He said he was just after a date and doesn't do casual sex.

Now I'm probably being naive about the whole situation but he's mentioned staying over more than once and I find it hard that he can't meet in the day time now that his Uni course is over for the summer. Not only that but I had major surgery back in Feb 2012 due to Crohn's, so have a large scar down my abdomen. I thought I wasn't that bothered about it but he asked for a topless selfie "to get an idea" and I just said I don't send photos out whether they're semi-nude or the full monty!

I know this doesn't explicitly focus on the problems of IBD and relationships but I didn't know where else to turn to. I guess if I had the Crohn's conversation with him it'll scare him off which I don't want but I suspect that it is a big possibility. Any advice you may have on this would be extremely appreciated!


Hi Johnatron, I can relate to the quest to find a relationship but also the fears and challenges we face because of crohns.

First let me start by saying that it is never a good idea to meet a stranger off the Internet unless it is in a public place and preferably a friend or family member knows about it. I don't want to scare you but we need to be realistic in a crazy world. Second its your choice whether to send a photo like that but you must know that once it's out there you can't take it back. People have had their lives ruined by people putting photos up for the public to see.

This guy in asking for you to sleep over and for this photo definitely sounds like he is looking for something casual and not a relationship like you seek.

The scars are there and I think if someone loves you it doesn't matter but that's all the more reason not to let anyone see them till they get to know you for YOU. Once that happens most decent people shouldnt find a scar to interfere with someone they care about. The same applies for revealing the crohns, let them know you first.