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Can't do/take this anymore...

I thought I was stronger than this. I've gone from being mega happy last weekend that I was having a chemo free week, to now being in the depths of wherever. This 'week off' has been harder than my 2 weeks of treatment. Just as cycle 2 starts on Monday...

I returned to work on Tuesday, managed to get there Weds and yesterday too, then yesterday afternoon BANG! I hit the mother of brick walls...fatigue, vomitting, and now I'm back on the ward in my 2nd home. What have I done to myself??

I guess I'll learn from this. I'm NOT well and need to accept it. It's a hard thing to get to grips with..and now I'm learning that I'm NOT as strong and stable as I thought I was.

I feel low....
Sorry to hear this Andrea! You have been so helpful to so many people. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hopefully you will be feeling better soon!

:hang: Jan
Please hold out for better days, just think of how good you felt last week, it will hopefully come back around, Sorry you are feeling so sick, I hope you are feeling better soon. Shannon


To save time...Ask Dusty!
Andrea, have the docs given any insight into why this may be happening. Is it possibly a timing issue related to the chemo? I hope you don't have to go through this with every chemo cycle but it may ease your mind to know it's something that commonly happens. I hope you feel better soon!!
Awww Andrea :( That's not good.

Hopefully it's just a case of going back to work too soon and doing more than you can handle.

There's bound to be some lows through out this whole process. Admitting that you are ill and having low periods doesn't mean you're not strong though! it just means that you are a human being.

Just try to take it easy and pamper yourself a little if you can. You've been through so much already, you deserve a reward for it. Don't beat yourself up. You're amazing and I'm sure everyone else on here would agree.

Hugs xxx
Hi Andrea. I'm so sorry you hit it hard again. You've been through a lot and surely you deserve better than that. I know the good times are ahead. Just try and rest a lot now and remember that you are the most important person in your world. Take good care:)
Andrea, sorry you went through all that. There's no shame in taking it easy for a while, I mean I guess most people wouldn't have even tried to come into work, even on a chemo free week! Have you got anti emetics and things on hand in case it happens again?

Crohn's Mom

by Kirsti A. Dyer

My light and my life
provided me hope for a future,
a reason to live
and the strength to exist.

Suddenly extinguished,
taken away without warning.
I was abandoned,
left in the darkness
trying to survive
searching for any glimmer
on the distant horizon.

I stand precariously
on a piece of solid ground
barely large enough for my feet.
Around me, a vast expanse
of desolation and emptiness
for as far as I can tell.

It waits
with extending arms
to engulf and surround me
in a permanent shadow.

I remain tenuously balanced
on this small bit of solid footing
Providing me the last vestiges of hope,
Unsure where to turn
or how to find an escape.

No path in sight,
it has decayed into the abyss.
No light to guide my footsteps,
it has been withdrawn.

In complete blackness
I close my eyes
waiting to fall.

A light appears before me
from within me.

I discover
a brilliance inside
An internal source of strength, power
and illumination.

This force surges through my body
filling me with courage.
I open my eyes once more in the darkness
finally lose my balance,
and descend
into the eternal night.

But in falling, I discover
that I possess wings.

With new courage, my own light,
and wings to save me
from the everlasting darkness
I take flight
high above the waiting chasm
towards a faint glimmer
far on the horizon
and hope

I searched the web for some words of inspiration for you. This seemed fitting.
May you find your wings Andrea! Much love to you ! Stay strong
Andrea, i can't believe you went back to work so soon , but just shows actually what a strong person you are, but you seriously need to give your body time to recover and then hopefully your head willbe in a better place. I hope you feel better really soon , you have lots of cyberfriends on here who care for you and want you better asap.
And if you don't rest up and behave yourself we will set Joan/ astra on your case...be warned missis! :))
Hang in there Andrea!!
I am so sorry you are having a hard time :( My heart goes out to you.
You can do this.. you ARE strong - you are going through a really rough patch right now and will come out of it stronger than ever!! Please remember this is temporary!!!
Please take good care of yourself - you deserve the BEST!!

Please don't beat yourself up! You are allowed to feel miserable. Chemo is one of the most trying things a person can endure and it is totally valid for you to feel sad or sick or WHATEVER you are feeling.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Know that it is only temporary and lots of people are thinking about you.


Hey Andrea - Remember how you told me I was overdoing it??? Backatchya!

what's the scoop? Dehydrated? Just generally fatigued? Or some side effect of the chemo?

We're all rooting for you, Welshy. Please rest and get better soon.

Much love across the pond - Ames
You went back to work?! You went back to WORK?!!!! ;)
Goodness gracious. I can understand that you probably want to get back as soon as you can but you also need to remember all that you have been through in the past few months and all you are going to be going through. You are a tough cookie but you also need to rest and take care of yourself.
Try not to feel too bad about this set back. Keep up that positive spirit that you always have :)
I do hope that you are feeling a bit better already and are now resting
You are strong Andrea....you just need to rest and not overdo it. I know that at times you might feel that you are able to but it builds up and then you feel the after effects of exertion. Stay strong spirited like you have been and the strong health will come soon also.

I hope that you can get out of the hospital soon and feel well again.


Super Moderator
Ah Welshy, stop being so hard on yourself hun. You are dealing with so much more than most, nay just about everyone, will ever have to face in their life. Remember you are dealing with more than one life changing thing mate but know that we are with you every step of the way...:hug:

Always thinking of you, :Karl:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx


Your Story Forum Monitor
Oh, Andrea, you are incredibly strong! However, you are not invincible! I can't believe you went back to work! You really need to take it easy and rest - and there is nothing wrong with that. Many people have learned they need to dial it back and for much less.

Get some good R & R and take some time to pamper yourself. You deserve it! Hang in there, Andrea!


It's ok Littlemiss
Andrea has had her daily bollocking off me!
She won't do it again!

Andrea, I hope you're lying flat on your back, and resting!
Phone you later


Oh Welshy woman!!! GI bullocking and then Joan too. :yfaint:

(I'd head for the hills if I were you!)

I have it on good authority Andrea is practically strapped to the hospital bed. She's one hell of a woman that Andrea. But I hope she will now rest up and take better care of herself...and TAKE IT EASY.

Loves ya sweet pea!!!


Crohn's Mom

Sending lots of :ghug::ghug::ghug:


thinking of you and hoping you're feeling better !!


Your Story Forum Monitor
Andrea, you are being very hard on yourself. It must be the name! Remember I'm an Andrea too. You need to rest up, and be kind to yourself. We are here for you, so don't be afraid to vent all you want. There may be a time when you'll be able to return the favor to us.:hug:
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time...they are all right you are being to hard on yourself. Anyone that deals with this on a daily basis is strong, we have to be, that doesn't mean that this horrible disease doesn't bring us down, because it sure does.

You hang in there and I hope that you will feel better soon. Please rest up.

Crohn's Mom

So happy you're home !

Loads of love and hugs coming your way !!

Hope your resting !
Hi all,
THANK YOU so much for all the good wishes, it really is appreciated.
Quick update- was released from hospital after re starting chemo on Monday. Am now on day 5, and no real bad side effects to note. Feeling nauseous, and tired, but I can live with that. So as far as chemo goes, all is well in that camp!!
I'm sorry that I haven't been on here before now, but I really have had to get my Masters finished. This evening, the last full stop was was put to it, and now tomorrow it hits the printers. Will get it in 2 weeks EARLY, so am sooo happy to have got to the end. Really wouldn't have thought I'd get to this point a few months back.
Right now I'm sitting back in a hospital bed, nothing serious, just my Haemoglobin has dropped past last weeks 8 and is now at 7.2, so have been pulled in for the day for a transfusion. I WILL be home later- have made that known to the staff here! really hoping that this will make me feel less tired, and give me the energy I'm lacking. My ANC has also dropped to 980, so will have to be a bit more carefull in the coming days, and try and stay away from anyone carrying any colds etc (bit ironic, considering almost everyone on the ward right now seem's to be coughing away!!).
On a sad note- was told on Weds evening that a good friend had hung himself. Really hit me hard, considering all that's going on right now. 21 and suffering with severe oral CD. Big kick in the guts that one...
I shan't bore you all any longer. Thanks again for all your support.
And xx
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Great to hear from you. My hb dropped to 71 and after 3 units I felt so much better so hopefully you will. Sorry about your friend. It's not what you need right now.
Lots and lots of good wishes and happy thoughts coming your way!


Blimey...back in. I miss a day and look what happens. I know you will feel mucho better shortly though. They make you feel better in hospital with that scrumptious food and all after all....not! But they will get you back on your feet in no time, no doubt about that. You need to do a pub crawl with me in September...start getting better young lady!!!
Smooches.....huugggsssssssss, kisses, and big love from me
Oh my goodness Andrea,

So sorry to hear that awful news, suicide id never far away. . . by the way you know you aren't boring anyone here so get it off your chest, vent-away.

In the meantime get plenty of rest.

lots of big hugs


To save time...Ask Dusty!
Wow Andrea, sorry about you ending up back in hospital! Hope you made it home by now! Please don't focus on negative news!

I'm amazed to learn that you've managed to create a Master's thesis during your struggles of late!! What some of you guys are capable of with all your ails!!! I'm sure we'll all be in awe of your accomplishments when you get better...soon!!