I'm a 20 year old student at William and Mary and was diagnosed with Crohn's a little over two years ago. I've taken a bunch of different meds. Recently I've been reduced to Humira, Apriso, Entocort and some supplements. I feel better than when I was diagnosed but still get a lot of side effects that make going to school or just out in public in general more uncomfortable. Despite feeling better physically I still feel depressed and just so alone. I've looked at forums before but never contributed before. It's just comforting knowing that I'm alone.
I try talking to family and friends and therapists but it just doesn't always help. I like being there for others to open up to and to help them with any problems but I won't allow others to do the same for me. I don't know why but I'm just so afraid they'll think differently of me. I get good marks in school but I have no interest in classes or the work I do. I feel as though I'm just going to be sick forever and die young so what's the point. I hate feeling like this but can't help it most of the time. I use to write a lot and now whenever I try I just can't. I feel that the only thing I really feel lately is pain and I don't like it. I can tell I've been distancing myself from everyone in my life but don't stop. I just don't want to be sick anymore but I know that's not how it works.
I have a younger brother who was diagnosed a few years before me but we've never been able to really relate or talk about it together. I hate that I had to leave him because I know he struggles with bouts of depression the same ways I do. I feel like I let him down by not being able to help him, even if it's not in my control.
I try to find strength in being sick but lately I just can't. I'm frustrated, upset and angry and just not sure what to do. I'm not suicidal but a lot of the time I feel like my life is pointless. It's just pain. Even the procedures and treatments suck and the meds just make me feel sick if different ways.
I'm sorry for the lack of organization in my post, I just decided to write whatever came to mind and not erase it this time. Thank you for reading what I have to say.
I try talking to family and friends and therapists but it just doesn't always help. I like being there for others to open up to and to help them with any problems but I won't allow others to do the same for me. I don't know why but I'm just so afraid they'll think differently of me. I get good marks in school but I have no interest in classes or the work I do. I feel as though I'm just going to be sick forever and die young so what's the point. I hate feeling like this but can't help it most of the time. I use to write a lot and now whenever I try I just can't. I feel that the only thing I really feel lately is pain and I don't like it. I can tell I've been distancing myself from everyone in my life but don't stop. I just don't want to be sick anymore but I know that's not how it works.
I have a younger brother who was diagnosed a few years before me but we've never been able to really relate or talk about it together. I hate that I had to leave him because I know he struggles with bouts of depression the same ways I do. I feel like I let him down by not being able to help him, even if it's not in my control.
I try to find strength in being sick but lately I just can't. I'm frustrated, upset and angry and just not sure what to do. I'm not suicidal but a lot of the time I feel like my life is pointless. It's just pain. Even the procedures and treatments suck and the meds just make me feel sick if different ways.
I'm sorry for the lack of organization in my post, I just decided to write whatever came to mind and not erase it this time. Thank you for reading what I have to say.
