Dating at 40 with Crohns

[Dan1983]

Hey guys,

first post
So I just turned 40 and got diagnosed with crohns when I was 17.
At 18 I had a metre of my small intestine removed - which was the best thing ever as I have lived a normal life since.
the only thing is my reliance on having a toilet nearby.
I take colestyramine which gives me a pretty normal life but I’m psychologically different to a ‘normal’ person’
I’ve been in long term relationships that I’ve ended as I don’t think it’s fair that they have to put up with the mental ******** that I have to because of the worrying about being near a toilet all the time.

my question is to those in the same boat. Is it better to just be solo. Or try and find someone who understands - but is it fair on them?

 

[Mountaineer01]

I've been married for nearly 20 years to my wonderful and understanding wife. She's been there with me through the best and worst of the disease. There's times I feel I wouldn't have made it this far if it hadn't been for her. She's had to make sacrifices, but she understood what she was getting into. The biggest of which was not having kids, mainly because I was working a job that kept me away from home 15-16 hours a day WITH uncontrolled Crohn's symptoms. I did that for 11 years and still don't know how I managed. My current GI told me it's nothing short of a miracle that job didn't kill me.

Some people feel that a chronic illness is a barrier to a long term relationship. Think of it as a filter instead. A filter that will easily remove the ones who would see you as a burden or who would otherwise feel impeded by your condition. In a way, I feel a single guy with Crohn's or any other type of physical ailment has an advantage as it lets you know early on who isn't serious. It might take a little longer to find a prospective spouse, but they will usually stick around when you do.

Be patient - it will pay off for you eventually.