• Welcome to Crohn's Forum, a support group for people with all forms of IBD. While this community is not a substitute for doctor's advice and we cannot treat or diagnose, we find being able to communicate with others who have IBD is invaluable as we navigate our struggles and celebrate our successes. We invite you to join us.

Do you ever think like this??? I DO

Jim (POPS)

Jim (Pops)
Location
Antioch, Ca
One day I woke up to go to work. I had an old VW big for a car and it had a hard time running sometimes, well I went outside to go to work and it had a flat tire, I was mad as all get-out. I went back in the house and thought "Now I can't got to work, and tonight I can't got to the "Pup, and what happens if I get sick and need to go to the hospital. If that happens I'll loss my job, woun't be able to ay my bills, I'll loss my house and be homeles."

Thats the way I think sometimes.

Now, if I would have just called my boss and told him I have a flat tire and I'm going to be late, change the tire and make my way to work things would have been just fine.

Don't let your mind RUN, when it needs/wants to WALK.

Jim (Pops)
 

Cat-a-Tonic

Super Moderator
Yep, I'm a worst-case scenario worrier too. My hubby was over an hour late getting home from work a couple days ago. He works in a costume shop. And I kept thinking things like, maybe the store got robbed and he got shot and nobody ever shops in that mall so nobody found him and he's just lying in a pool of blood and dying. I had to stop myself from having those thoughts, go to the rational part of my brain and tell myself, hey silly, he probably just had a customer who is buying a lot of stuff! And that was the case. I know I shouldn't worry over stuff like that but that's just where my mind goes.
 

CrohnsChicago

Super Moderator
Im definitely a worst case scenario person.

Trying to re-wire your brain can be very hard work sometimes but it IS possible to make life and situations easier to cope with. We just need to practice taking things one step at a time....and BREATHE in the process.
 

Jennifer

Adminstrator
Staff member
Location
SLO
I do it all the time. I could see a leaf on the ground and somehow turn that into a worst case scenario of me or a family member dying. I've got a problem. D:
 
Sometimes I feel like I want to Run and leave my self behind. But I am still trying to figure out how to do it.
 
I get like that when my husband is out at night, and he's late. I start thinking, what if he was in a car crash and is dead or something? How will I ever live without him. Or if my son has a mild fever, I start panicking. I have been getting better, though, with thinking about all the times I panicked and nothing came of it (except anxiety and stress)
 
OMG, that is totally Me! I am always analyzing things and always looking into the future concerning everything. I do tend to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst as with me, that is usually how it goes! So you are not alone there!!! It is easy for the "what If's" to take control of us! :)








One day I woke up to go to work. I had an old VW big for a car and it had a hard time running sometimes, well I went outside to go to work and it had a flat tire, I was mad as all get-out. I went back in the house and thought "Now I can't got to work, and tonight I can't got to the "Pup, and what happens if I get sick and need to go to the hospital. If that happens I'll loss my job, woun't be able to ay my bills, I'll loss my house and be homeles."

Thats the way I think sometimes.

Now, if I would have just called my boss and told him I have a flat tire and I'm going to be late, change the tire and make my way to work things would have been just fine.

Don't let your mind RUN, when it needs/wants to WALK.

Jim (Pops)
 
Yeap! My hubby is always getting on to me for it because stress is one of my biggest triggers... so its kind of a vicious circle for me.
 
Count me in! Think it is called catastrophizing. I am guilty of that all the time. Like Jim said...you have to rewire your brain to "STOP". It is really hard to do.
 
me toooooooooooooo!
I rationalize with myself that im preparing for the worst and if it doesn't happen its good news.
im worst when starting new and scary drugs.
ju
 
OMG! Yes!
Everything is always the worst it can be: I can't do this because......, I can't do that because....and what if THAT happens.
Then I get on this weird trip where I can't see the good in anything
I feel a bit crazy sometimes, but I do know how you feel xxxx!
 
When I get a flat tire, I call my insurance company and Geico sends someone out to change it.

How can you possibly get the lug nuts off after they've been tightened on with a power wrench?
 

Jim (POPS)

Jim (Pops)
Location
Antioch, Ca
True Story,
I have a friend that is in poor health, hes 56 and his car stop working yesterday. I gave him a ride yesterday to go to a meeting we both go to on Thursday nights. (Chronic Illness support gruop) I told him I would take him to do the things he needs to do Friday inc. shoping for a use car. He said "I have poor credit and don't know if I can get one" I told him to keep his head up and things will be just fine.

After going to the bank the RX to get some new pills and to lunch we went to a car dealer. They said his credit is to poor to get a loan and he was very upset. I keep telling him that things will be just fine, you have to belive that it will be ok. On the way to another car dealer he keep say'n "I'm F'ed Jim, I'm just F'ed" I ask him if he really thinks that way and he said "YES" So,,,, I told him, we might as well go home if your for sure that your F'ed. and took him home. On the way home he said, I don't want to go home, I hate it there. It was so negative that I could hardly wait to drop him off.

After I got home he called me and said he don't want to live there anymore. (but he has no money to go ANYWHERE) He is on SSI. I really feel sorry for him, but I can't help a person that will not help himself. And its not my job to keep trying to keep him happy if he DON'T want to. All I can do is keep my head up for MYSELF and hopfuly he will see the way I am and take note. I can't save the world, but I use to think I COULD. not anymore. I have a full time job "keeping my head up" with the crohns.

Now this might seem like I have a cold heart, but I don't. I would love to help him get through this but I can't do it if all he says is "I'M F'ed".

I told him to settle down and sleep on it and call me Sat.

Do you ever find yourself trying to help someone that won't help there self.

Jim
(Pops)
 

Jennifer

Adminstrator
Staff member
Location
SLO
Sure Jim, all the time. They're called family. :p

My husband and I are both very similar to your friend Jim. Depression is hard to get out of and we feel like a burden on everyone a lot of the time and often feel stuck and F'ed. I don't have any advice to give you other than try not to focus on the bad so much. We're good people yet many of us are completely down on our luck. Hard to stay positive when there's nothing to look forward to (or seems like it to us).
 
I don't know what type of car dealer your friend went to, but the 2nd tier dealers who advertise "poor credit, no credit, no problem!" will give a car loan to just about anyone, with any type of regular income, including SSI. The poorer the credit though, the higher the interest rates.

There are credit repair methods your friend could also try himself, some of which can be used just to improve his score somewhat.

For example, my credit score was fine, , but I needed it to be in the very top, to qualify for the very best interest rate on a home equity loan I wanted to take our against a rental property we own. I actually used the money to buy a car on a cash deal, but the interest on home equity loans is not only lower, but tax deductible as well.

To improve my credit score, I just called my credit card companies and asked them to increase my limit, not because I wanted to charge anything on them, but higher credit limits, increases your credit score. I also cancelled a couple of department store credit cards I never used anyway, because having too many credit cards lower your credit rating, even if you don't use them. Those 2 strategies alone increased my score by roughly 40 points, and pushed me into the top percentile, to qualify for the lowest possible interest rate.

A possible strategy for him might be to dispute any and all negative items on his credit report. Once disputed, the original creditor has about 30 days to respond with evidence that the negative item is valid, and if they don't, by law, the negative item must be removed. You might be surprised how many creditors don't bother to respond to those type of requests. Responding costs them time and money, and especially for smaller ticket items, many if them just don't care enough about your credit score to bother.

I've used that one to completely change credit scores for others by as much as several hundred points. Worked especially well when I was stuck in a hotel in Florida for several months, along with a number of victims of hurricane Katrina who had been placed there by FEMA. Loss of jobs and homes really screwed up their credit scores, but their creditors weren't in any shape to respond to all those debts disputed on their credit reports either.

If friend is low income, there are organizations that provide free assistance, and can even help renegotiate bills, to help him reduce both his payments and interest, as well as his overall debt. after all, it's better for creditors to accept less, than to run the risk that you will declare bankruptcy and pay them nothing. In fact, your friend may be better off declaring bankruptcy and getting a fresh start. If your credit is really poor, sometimes bankruptcy can actually help improve it by eliminating past debt. There are also organizations that will help with the legal fees to file bankruptcy as well.

You might be better off having your friend contact his local community, to see what services are available for him to utilize, than trying to help him yourself.

I wish your friend the best of luck!
 
Me too!

We recently moved into a new house. One of the windows doesn't fit the frame properly and so there is a gap at one corner and it won't open fully. I couldn't just accept that some cowboy builder had done a shoddy job putting the window in - I had to start worrying that the house foundations were shifting and the house was going to fall apart!!:duh:

Not surprisingly, there are a lot of theories about the link between IBD and anxiety! Are we all this bonkers?!
 

Jim (POPS)

Jim (Pops)
Location
Antioch, Ca
An update on my friend.

I called my friend (the one that his car broke down) to see how he was doing and if he would like me to come over. We had planed on me coming over last night.

I called he had to leave a mess. no ans. Called again later, same thing. Now I know he can't walk very far because of his legs and by this time I begain to wonder. So I jumped into my truck and went to his house. Went to the door and he would not come to the door. His dog, a service dog, was there but nothing. I went back an set in my truck to think what I should do next and all of a sudden I saw him drive in the parking lot driving a BRAN NEW car. As he was getting out I walked up and said. "How did you get that" he said" I had to get a "Pay Day Loan" for $500, post date a check $300 and have to give them $200 along with my first payment of $396.00 BUT I got a car" I said "Frank, how the hell are you going to pay all that when you only get about $1,000 a month on SSI. He said,"There was nothing eles I could do, they were the only one that I could get a car from.

Now "Frank" is really stressed out about the payments coming up MORE than he was without having a car. He said "now I'm really F'ed, BUT, I have a car" as he crys. If he would have waited just a few more days like I ask him to do he would have been fine. I was talking to another friend that also goes to the chronic illness support group Frank and I go to and he is/was putting together a few $K with the help of other people in the group to loan to Frank for $100.00 a month.

The only reason I talk about this is because I feel so sorry for him. Now he won't be able to make the payments and will get the car repoed and loss what money he had.
 
A brand new car? OMG, I don't even know what to say. How could the dealership even consider making such a loan? That's pretty irresponsible, and yes, he probably will end up having the car repoed. Truely a shame.
 
Can you see his contract he signed?
Some states have a 10 day return policy.
Most dealership don't tell you or sneak it in when your thinking something else.
Also you or some else that is demanding can go to the dealership and raise cane that they gave a guy with a limited budget, who disabled a loan.
Then threaten to report the business for unethical practices to the disabled in there time of need.
Make sure he comes with you and take his service dog also for good effect.
 

Jennifer

Adminstrator
Staff member
Location
SLO
"On the way home he said, "I don't want to go home, I hate it there.""

Clearly there's more to his problems than poor credit and not having a car. I know for me when I'm depressed I often make poor decisions with money in an attempt to make myself feel better and often times I want to feel better NOW rather than later, even if I only had to wait a day. Him getting that new car was likely a wonderful high/feeling at the time but now that its done, everything goes back to the way it was and possibly worse.

I wouldn't judge the guy or even feel sorry for him (many people don't like to be pitied, makes us feel worse). If people like that are truly your friend then it will take a lot of work to get them out of their down state by helping them have lots of things to look forward to. For instance, finding out why he hates his home and helping him figure out ways to make it better for when he does come home may help (even simple things like rearranging furniture helps make a place less depressing along with having it cleaned if its a mess). Those are more short term fixes but long term goals involve getting out of the house more and meeting other people (which so far he's doing by going to those meetings). Its very likely that he's quite lonely, even if he did have a significant other. I'm not saying to call him up every single day as that puts a lot of stress on you. Simple stuff like going fishing together (or something else if you don't like fishing) every once in a while helps a lot.
 

Jim (POPS)

Jim (Pops)
Location
Antioch, Ca
Jenn,
In regards to him not liking it at home.

I found a place that he likes MUCH better and it has a back yard and is half the cost of where he is. I , along with other friends, will be moving him to the new place at the end of the month.

I don't pitty him at all. BTW, I saw him today and he thank me for all the help I gave him going to the RX, store, new home to look at. He said I am his best friend. I thanked him very much for the kind word.

I think I would like to STOP this thread now. It is getting way off subject, MY FAULT, sorry

Jim
 
Top