D
Donna
Guest
Ok. This only remotely has anything to do with Crohn's, and only because it is sending me into a flare-up. I would like for any and all opinions here...I need help. 
Shortly after my initial stay in the hospital in January 2004, we moved our family into my mother-in-law's house. I had just been released in the beginning of February, I had a 5 month old son, a 7 yr.old daughter, and my hubby. We moved in the beginning of March. We crammed our lives together into 2 bedrooms, since we really couldn't bring our stuff into their home.
We moved in because they needed help. His dad had kidney failure, and was doing hemo-dialysis (where they take your blood out, filter it, and put it back in again...a very fatiguing process). No one else in my hubby's family (ie: his 2 sisters) were helping out. They would let their dad sit in the clinic for over 3 hours after the dialysis. They would only come over if they wanted something from their parents. While in the hospital, my mom-in-law called me every day to make sure I was ok, then she would go into a crying fit cuz she could no longer take care of the both of them, and needed help, but didn't know what to do.
One day, Rich's sister mentioned that we should move in. After careful consideration, we did in the beginning of March. Little did I realize her idea was because she didn't want to be bothered. More on that later.
In August of 2004, his dad passed away . His mom had an apartment built in the lower level of the bi-level. Thought things would be ok, since she would have her place, and we would have ours. We would live upstairs and maintain the house. We would be there if she needed help or something, or was sick and couldn't cook or whatever. I also take her to all of her appointments.
My hubby was supposed to help out, but his job as a truck driver hasn't allowed him to be home enough to get everything done. So I do the best I can, even during severe flares. The rest of his family figure we live here, it's our responsibility, not theirs, so they don't help. In any way.
Now, apparantly, his one sister, hates my guts. She has picked MAJOR fights with me about it. She thinks I am faking being sick, am using her brother, and am trying to get things from her mom. All of which is untrue. She is jealous of my relationship with her mom and her brother. I have never stepped in the way of her relationships with them at all. Her mom is like my best friend, not my mom. Anyway, this sister and the other one find ways to complain all the time about us. How we do things, how things aren't getting done, how we are taking advantage of their mom, etc. Then, his mom repeats these things to me. I have asked her not to tell me anything they say...and she tries (I think) but then alwaysssss lets something drop and I have to ask questions.
I love her (mom-in-law) dearly, but she does like to start trouble. She will tell the girls half truths, making us look bad. She will tell me things, knowing I will tell my hubby. She interferes with the discipline of my children, will totally ignore my hubby when he says something to his son...son will ask for a cookie, daddy says no, grammy hands it to him anyway, or make me look bad in front of the kids if I reprimand them. That sort of thing. We have asked her not to interfere like that, and I don't think we are being nasty about it. We let her spoil her grandson in alot of ways. And she does. She doesn't spoil my daughter (from a previous marriage)however, and Jordan notices it. The two of them are always fighting with each other, usually cuz mom starts it. She picks on Jordan all of the time, nit-picking. Things that she overlooks with Hunter, don't get past her with Jordan. She will also interfere when we have company. We can't go outside and entertain, because she will join in, not that I mind, but sometimes, we would like to be alone. She will stay in her house for days...as soon as Hunter (my son) goes out, she is there and as soon as we are in the house, she goes into hers (So we don't see her I guess?). She is obsessed with Hunter. I never have any time alone outside with my kids. And she is alwaysssss trying to feed my kids junk, even when she knows supper is soon.
Now don't get me wrong. I realize she doesn't have much to look forward to. And so I don't complain when she is out all the time when we are too. But this weekend was the straw that broke my hubby's back. He got upset because she once again interfered with disciplining our son. She said he had no right to do that to him. My hubby fumed, without saying anything and took Hunter in the house. Now I am stuck in the middle. I am close to her, closer to hubby tho. And there is soooo much more that goes on than I have time to write about. But I wanted you to get the picture.
Mostly we are upset because his sisters don't stop saying bad stuff about us. They constantly say we are getting away scot-free...which we aren't. We pay our bills, we give her rent money, and we pitch in financially when there is a major repair. We are here 24/7. When her toilet over-flows, we are there taking care of it. We get her mail every day. If she is ill, I am the only one she sees, I bring her food, get her the things she needs. You would NEVER see her daughters here if she is sick. The one who hates me comes over Mon-fri for lunch, unless mom-in-law is sick. Rather than bring her some soup or something for lunch, she just doesn't come. Yet we are getting off easily.? She wont stand up for us when they say something. The stress when they are here is killing me. I don't want to talk to them, but I refuse to let them make me stay in the house, especially cuz the kids don't understand. There is so much tension lately you can cut it with a knife. The stress of everything combined has started yet another flare-up.
My doc said I wouldn't get into steady remission as long as I have to deal with all I have to deal with while living here. I have to take care of my family, the house, inside and out, my mom-in-law and her needs that she can't take care of. It is getting to be too much, but I hate to leave her too. Her other kids wont move in to help her out. We have talked to her, to no avail. She is set in her ways. She wont listen. She just gives us a guilt trip and expects us to kiss her hiney like we always do. She is a pro at that. But we haven't this time.
Sooooo.....what would you guys do? I am the kind of person who would give her left arm to help a stranger. But in the meantime, I am compromising my health and the happiness of my family.
Thanks for letting me ramble. I didn't mean to make it this long. Bravo to anyone who read the whole thing!!! lol
Thanks guys!
Donna
Shortly after my initial stay in the hospital in January 2004, we moved our family into my mother-in-law's house. I had just been released in the beginning of February, I had a 5 month old son, a 7 yr.old daughter, and my hubby. We moved in the beginning of March. We crammed our lives together into 2 bedrooms, since we really couldn't bring our stuff into their home.
We moved in because they needed help. His dad had kidney failure, and was doing hemo-dialysis (where they take your blood out, filter it, and put it back in again...a very fatiguing process). No one else in my hubby's family (ie: his 2 sisters) were helping out. They would let their dad sit in the clinic for over 3 hours after the dialysis. They would only come over if they wanted something from their parents. While in the hospital, my mom-in-law called me every day to make sure I was ok, then she would go into a crying fit cuz she could no longer take care of the both of them, and needed help, but didn't know what to do.
One day, Rich's sister mentioned that we should move in. After careful consideration, we did in the beginning of March. Little did I realize her idea was because she didn't want to be bothered. More on that later.
In August of 2004, his dad passed away
. His mom had an apartment built in the lower level of the bi-level. Thought things would be ok, since she would have her place, and we would have ours. We would live upstairs and maintain the house. We would be there if she needed help or something, or was sick and couldn't cook or whatever. I also take her to all of her appointments.My hubby was supposed to help out, but his job as a truck driver hasn't allowed him to be home enough to get everything done. So I do the best I can, even during severe flares. The rest of his family figure we live here, it's our responsibility, not theirs, so they don't help. In any way.
Now, apparantly, his one sister, hates my guts. She has picked MAJOR fights with me about it. She thinks I am faking being sick, am using her brother, and am trying to get things from her mom. All of which is untrue. She is jealous of my relationship with her mom and her brother. I have never stepped in the way of her relationships with them at all. Her mom is like my best friend, not my mom. Anyway, this sister and the other one find ways to complain all the time about us. How we do things, how things aren't getting done, how we are taking advantage of their mom, etc. Then, his mom repeats these things to me. I have asked her not to tell me anything they say...and she tries (I think) but then alwaysssss lets something drop and I have to ask questions.
I love her (mom-in-law) dearly, but she does like to start trouble. She will tell the girls half truths, making us look bad. She will tell me things, knowing I will tell my hubby. She interferes with the discipline of my children, will totally ignore my hubby when he says something to his son...son will ask for a cookie, daddy says no, grammy hands it to him anyway, or make me look bad in front of the kids if I reprimand them. That sort of thing. We have asked her not to interfere like that, and I don't think we are being nasty about it. We let her spoil her grandson in alot of ways. And she does. She doesn't spoil my daughter (from a previous marriage)however, and Jordan notices it. The two of them are always fighting with each other, usually cuz mom starts it. She picks on Jordan all of the time, nit-picking. Things that she overlooks with Hunter, don't get past her with Jordan. She will also interfere when we have company. We can't go outside and entertain, because she will join in, not that I mind, but sometimes, we would like to be alone. She will stay in her house for days...as soon as Hunter (my son) goes out, she is there and as soon as we are in the house, she goes into hers (So we don't see her I guess?). She is obsessed with Hunter. I never have any time alone outside with my kids. And she is alwaysssss trying to feed my kids junk, even when she knows supper is soon.
Now don't get me wrong. I realize she doesn't have much to look forward to. And so I don't complain when she is out all the time when we are too. But this weekend was the straw that broke my hubby's back. He got upset because she once again interfered with disciplining our son. She said he had no right to do that to him. My hubby fumed, without saying anything and took Hunter in the house. Now I am stuck in the middle. I am close to her, closer to hubby tho. And there is soooo much more that goes on than I have time to write about. But I wanted you to get the picture.
Mostly we are upset because his sisters don't stop saying bad stuff about us. They constantly say we are getting away scot-free...which we aren't. We pay our bills, we give her rent money, and we pitch in financially when there is a major repair. We are here 24/7. When her toilet over-flows, we are there taking care of it. We get her mail every day. If she is ill, I am the only one she sees, I bring her food, get her the things she needs. You would NEVER see her daughters here if she is sick. The one who hates me comes over Mon-fri for lunch, unless mom-in-law is sick. Rather than bring her some soup or something for lunch, she just doesn't come. Yet we are getting off easily.? She wont stand up for us when they say something. The stress when they are here is killing me. I don't want to talk to them, but I refuse to let them make me stay in the house, especially cuz the kids don't understand. There is so much tension lately you can cut it with a knife. The stress of everything combined has started yet another flare-up.
My doc said I wouldn't get into steady remission as long as I have to deal with all I have to deal with while living here. I have to take care of my family, the house, inside and out, my mom-in-law and her needs that she can't take care of. It is getting to be too much, but I hate to leave her too. Her other kids wont move in to help her out. We have talked to her, to no avail. She is set in her ways. She wont listen. She just gives us a guilt trip and expects us to kiss her hiney like we always do. She is a pro at that. But we haven't this time.
Sooooo.....what would you guys do? I am the kind of person who would give her left arm to help a stranger. But in the meantime, I am compromising my health and the happiness of my family.
Thanks for letting me ramble. I didn't mean to make it this long. Bravo to anyone who read the whole thing!!! lol
Thanks guys!
Donna
