Feeling depressed

[Hunt]

Hey guys,

I seem to of forgotten about this incredible community but in this unfortunate time I'm turning to the only people who would even come close to understanding me.

Recently I've been having really negative thoughts and no matter how much I try to make them go away, I can't. I actually tricked myself into thinking I was dying and I was constantly checking my armpits for lumps; which I convinced myself I had and even after numerous doctors checking me and telling me it's in my head, I still don't believe it.

My workplace has been brutal to me over the years, discriminating against me because of my illness for sure and they keep making it harder for me. Recently, today in fact.. I had a bust up with a couple of the managers because I have not been keeping well at all and they basically want to crucify every false move I make.

I'm feeling alone more than ever with this disease and I have no idea how I even wake up everyday and go to work or do anything. I just want to be left alone and understood.

I want people to acknowledge that what I have gone through isn't easy nor is it a pleasant time. I want them to realize that just because I've turned up for work I'm not OK. It's a forever downhill struggle for me personally now and I know I'm ranting but this is the only positive way I can release all the negativity I have in my head.

I just wish that I could get support in the form of, you didn't turn up on time or you were off today.. don't worry about it. Instead I get disciplined and threatened with payment stopping from my job and I get people obsessively trying to create a living nightmare for me at my workplace.

I just need some kind of help to which I don't even know what help I need..

 

[Justanothercp]

Sorry you are feeling this way.
I think many of has have been where you are...
I wish I had some good answer. Have you thought about counseling; or how about finding a different job?
Also, If the symptoms are not well controlled, maybe talking to MD about what to try next...
Good luck. Keep us posted.

 

[Hunt]

Hey and thanks for the reply, really appreciate it.

I'm currently seeing out my 4 year apprenticeship with a month left, but it's just..
they are forcing me out the door and it's appalling they can get away with treating me like that. I just don't know what else to do, even my doctors have told them to back off..

I really need some sort of counselling, perhaps I should seek it through my hospital. It's been more of a mental pain more than physical since being on Remicade, I never believed in depression or anxiety until this all happened.

Thanks again for the reply, I'll let you know how I get on.

 

[scottsma]

Hello.Could you get a letter from your Doctor explaining this dratted disease to Management ? Then book an appointment with said management,show them the letter,then explain your symptoms.I think you do very well to make the effort to get to work.I know,most mornings ,I couldn't. Best wishes to you.I hope your situation improves soon.

 

[Hunt]

I have been down that route scottsma. Several letters all most likely thrown in the bin and dismissed..

I have been labelled a liar and been given the image of someone who isn't trustworthy yet before my diagnosis even with my pain I was working 2 years without any time off at all.

I guess these people exist in this world who are just relentless and care nothing more than about themselves.

Best wishes to you too.

 

[Cottonflo]

It is really sad that people dont understand or care to understand... or even worse when they think they know it all... (if that makes any sense at all) I have recently told my boss about my health issues and to my surprise he is on Hurmaria*. He has been very understanding so far, but then again, I haven't had a bad flare yet. Lets see... Just remember you have many people just like you in this world, you are not alone.

 

[ronroush7]

I am sorry for what you are going through. I wish there were more supportive, understanding people in the world

 

[Christi]

Hi hunt i just want to let you know that i have been where you are now , the job i had would blame me for my disease and told me that i cant go to see my Gi so i know people like that , i also have depression and im in counseling and trying to work through this aswell. Talk to your doc and he can help through this and we are supporting you 100%. Dont worry what people say or do its your health. Things will get better its a long road but we will get there just dont stress your self out it makes it worse. Maybe you can also try doing something to keep your mind busy. If you ever need to talk we are here

 

[ronroush7]

Everyone supports you guys.

 

[zHassanz]

I just want you to know that I can totally relate to how you're feeling. Actually, I wake up every morning feeling bad that I'm still alive, and every night I wish I could just die in my sleep and not wake up having to endure all the symptoms.

Everyone around me is being totally ignorant, talking about how bad "stomachaches" could turn a person's mood and life upside down. And no one (but you guys) do understand how I'm feeling. It's why I'm here, and why we're all here to support each other.

People can be assholes, just avoid any debate or any kind of discussion regarding your case, and keep thinking of whatever positive things you have.

Chin up! I hope that you'll feel better soon.

 

[BlueSky]

Hi Hunt,

Nothing can replace basic empathy and kindness. Ever.

However it is worth knowing that if live in the United States you have some legal protections as an employee with a disability. The most important is the Americans with Disabilities Act. http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/disability/ada.htm

The hardest time to assert yourself is when you are depressed, I know. However you deserve these rights. Kindness may not be available in the workplace, but consider talking to management about accomodations protected by law.

All the best