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Feeling Guilty

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xocourt9xo

So I have been feeling like the world's worst employee and wife lately and it is so hard.

I am a teacher and I have spent 2 years at a high school with students and staff that I adored. I started my 3rd year there, but because of a bill passed and the school's rating the school district decided to move me to another school. Now I'm at a rough middle school and the stress is taking its toll. Since September I have not made it a full week. Usually I call out on Thursday or Friday because I wake up in pain from my Crohn's. On top of that I got a C. diff infection so I haven't been to work since 10/23. I have gone through all of my paid sick leave so now that I am missing all of this work I am putting my husband and I in financial trouble. He doesn't know how much I have actually missed, because I get embarrassed and I feel guilty when I miss work so I don't always tell him.

I have always been the kid that felt guilty for being sick at home from school and that has continued into adulthood. When I'm home sick for any reason, I spend all day feeling guilty. Now we are at a whole new level of guilt. The principal at my school has tried to be understanding, she moved me from teaching Language Arts to teaching an elective so that when I'm out it's not as detrimental to the kids and to my teaching "score." I appreciate it but it's also embarrassing. I just feel like a horrible employee because I have missed so much work and I know that is just making things worse. :'(
 
M

MizzSarah

I work in schools as well. I so relate! I ended up getting diagnosed in the first year I started in schools and in that first year I had to put in a medical accommodation. I felt utterly humiliated that just as soon as my career started there was something already holding me back.

I miss quite a bit of work as well which is why I decided to protect myself(still then being on probation). I file out one every year and at this point it is just my insurance policy so they can't question why I'm absent. I got terrible anxiety when HR would call to question me. It happened quite a lot. Now I feel a little more at ease but nothing makes me feel more guilty then being away. I know though I can't fulfill my responsibites when I'm having issues. In our jobs we don't have the ability to leave students to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes if that's the case.


I continue to worry whether I will be able to keep this job long term. So I'm just trying to enjoy the moment and try to secure a line so if I need to go on LtD then I can. Unfortunately I still don't own my position so I worry all the time.

If your unable to work because your sick just remind yourself that your no good to the students when your not well. We can't be our best fir the students if we're not there mentally and physically.


xocourt9xo said:
So I have been feeling like the world's worst employee and wife lately and it is so hard.

I am a teacher and I have spent 2 years at a high school with students and staff that I adored. I started my 3rd year there, but because of a bill passed and the school's rating the school district decided to move me to another school. Now I'm at a rough middle school and the stress is taking its toll. Since September I have not made it a full week. Usually I call out on Thursday or Friday because I wake up in pain from my Crohn's. On top of that I got a C. diff infection so I haven't been to work since 10/23. I have gone through all of my paid sick leave so now that I am missing all of this work I am putting my husband and I in financial trouble. He doesn't know how much I have actually missed, because I get embarrassed and I feel guilty when I miss work so I don't always tell him.

I have always been the kid that felt guilty for being sick at home from school and that has continued into adulthood. When I'm home sick for any reason, I spend all day feeling guilty. Now we are at a whole new level of guilt. The principal at my school has tried to be understanding, she moved me from teaching Language Arts to teaching an elective so that when I'm out it's not as detrimental to the kids and to my teaching "score." I appreciate it but it's also embarrassing. I just feel like a horrible employee because I have missed so much work and I know that is just making things worse. :'(
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