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Few problems with ileostomy

I have Crohn's for 15 years and stoma (Ileostomy) for 3 and still could not manage several things. first let me give you few details about my stoma:
1. I use mostly Holisters product (Bag, wafer, rings)
2. open bags
3. I always put the low end of the bag folded and in my underwear rubber and than tightened with my jeans. to cover the stoma up I use "Comfizz" Waistband.
4. I never sleep on my stomach and try to sleep on the same side.

The problems:
1. When the stoma get filled I have to put out the stoma from my underwear because I am afraid of leak, and I have to manually hold the low end because I don't trust it to hold on. do you have any tricks?
2. I know some people are putting their entire bag in their jeans but I cannot because if the whole bag is in my jeans there is nothing holding the low end of the stoma and if the jeans are tightened then the capacity of the bag decreases dramatically.
3. I wake up every 2.5-3 hours at night to check on my stoma so there is no leakage or something. I had 2 accidents in the first half year and I am afraid it will happen again. do you have any tips for this? I never sleep well since then.
4. I cannot date any girl because I am ashamed of my stoma.
I have zero confidence and not sure how this issue will ever be solved. I cannot sleep with anyone else because I have to wake up every 3 hours with alarm. if any accidents happen when there is someone else so it will be disaster. I really got used to the idea that I am gonna live alone and I am only 28.
5. my stoma sometimes make loud fart noises that cannot be ignored. I cannot explain this in public. my solution: I always wear sweatshirt and a lot of times just pushing my stoma so it silences the sound. the problems: sometimes it is very hot. sometimes I don't push the stoma in time and people hear this sound. I don't buy the argument to make fun of it because I am super embarrassed from this. any solutions? any accessories that will now bold the stoma? my goal: so nobody will know about the stoma.

I think thats it for now :)

Thank you very much :)
Sorry your having so many problems with your Stoma , I only have suggestions for a couple of your issues.
Regarding your worry of night time leaks, have you tried using flang extenders to help prevent any leaks , or possibly changing the type of pouch you use ?.
I went through loads of free samples before I found one that I liked, a few I rejected because the adhesive stuck like superglue, but that might be a good thing for you.
You may also find a Stoma guard will help with preventing your jeans reducing the pouch capacity as they will hold the waist band away from your Stoma, allowing it to fill normally, how effective they will be will depend on where your Stoma is on your abdomen .
There is a product called the Stoma Stifler which is supposed to muffle noise from Stomas, but I have no idea if they are any good.
I used to have to set my alarm for every 2 hours or so during the night, but it quickly settled down to just once, I find the earlier I can eat my evening meal the better.
Hope you find some solutions to your problem.