Hi All!
It was suggested to me that I write a post about how Crohn's may have helped me find acceptance of my sexuality. This suggestion came about from this blog post, if you're curious.
I came out to myself at age 15. I quickly came out to my friends as well. When I moved to college, away from all family, I was out to the general public as well. It wasn't until around 23-24 that I actually, officially came out to my family.
I came out to my mom first. The week before Thanksgiving. I made a special trip home on a weekday and gave her a letter. She didn't even finish it before stopping to hug me, because I was crying, and assuring me that she'll always love me, no matter what.
Later on - months - I accepted the friend requests from my entire family that had been sitting, unanswered, on Facebook for years. Facebook... where my profile was very clearly gay. This action went practically unnoticed, but for my father peering over his dinner menu to ask, "So does this mean you're out of the closet?" When I said yes, he turned to my step-mom and shared, "Amanda's out of the closet." She nodded. We ate dinner.
Obviously, my coming out process was generally pretty good. There was no screaming, no hate, no blatant disapproval, but as time progressed there was a pretty obvious lack of support.
Everyone accepted the fact, but didn't blatantly support it.
That is, until I got sick... I had always had very, very mild evidence of a GI issue, but it was so easy to ignore until I one day woke up with, what would turn out to be, severe Crohn's. Uninsured, I was in and out of the restroom 30+ times a day. I was 98 lbs, pale. Everyone was worried, but I lived at least an hour from the nearest relative. Suddenly everyone's concern involved questions of where my gf was; was she helping take care of me? Was she going with me to the doctor? Someone else need to come help?
I kept saying I was fine, but I guess my general depressed tone and fake-smiling pictures gave way to the truth. I wasn't being cared for, in fact I was being mentally abused regarding my condition.
Long story, short. Things happened. We broke up. I was depressed. I found a free clinic, got better, made new friends, met my current girlfriend.
EVERYONE noticed a difference in my personality. Finally having someone in my life who didn't make me feel guilty or ashamed made a tremendous difference. My condition improved significantly and all of sudden... there was my family, practically waving their rainbow flags.
Now, there's two factors to this obviously. 1) the illness and 2) the new, better partner.
I feel like both factors played a role in my family coming around in a more supportive way. They realized how important it was for me to be happy and how drastically more happy I am with my current partner. They realized that even though I'm the youngest and was always the healthiest, I'm not invincible.
When Crohn's came around, they realized they can't afford to not be 100% a part of my life. They expressed their support so that they could be involved in all areas of my life. No more secrets, no more hiding. They now need to know what's going on with me and they know that loving & accepting my partner is part of that. After all, if something ever went wrong, she's the person who they'll get phone calls from and she's the person who will be with them at the hospital.
This is terribly wrong, and I hope it's making sense what I'm trying to say. As much I hate having Crohn's - as often as it makes me break down in tears by just existing - I have to on some level consider it like a gift. Something that came along and gave me my family in a way that I don't know I would have been able to have them before.
:ghug:
It was suggested to me that I write a post about how Crohn's may have helped me find acceptance of my sexuality. This suggestion came about from this blog post, if you're curious.
I came out to myself at age 15. I quickly came out to my friends as well. When I moved to college, away from all family, I was out to the general public as well. It wasn't until around 23-24 that I actually, officially came out to my family.
I came out to my mom first. The week before Thanksgiving. I made a special trip home on a weekday and gave her a letter. She didn't even finish it before stopping to hug me, because I was crying, and assuring me that she'll always love me, no matter what.
Later on - months - I accepted the friend requests from my entire family that had been sitting, unanswered, on Facebook for years. Facebook... where my profile was very clearly gay. This action went practically unnoticed, but for my father peering over his dinner menu to ask, "So does this mean you're out of the closet?" When I said yes, he turned to my step-mom and shared, "Amanda's out of the closet." She nodded. We ate dinner.
Obviously, my coming out process was generally pretty good. There was no screaming, no hate, no blatant disapproval, but as time progressed there was a pretty obvious lack of support.
Everyone accepted the fact, but didn't blatantly support it.
That is, until I got sick... I had always had very, very mild evidence of a GI issue, but it was so easy to ignore until I one day woke up with, what would turn out to be, severe Crohn's. Uninsured, I was in and out of the restroom 30+ times a day. I was 98 lbs, pale. Everyone was worried, but I lived at least an hour from the nearest relative. Suddenly everyone's concern involved questions of where my gf was; was she helping take care of me? Was she going with me to the doctor? Someone else need to come help?
I kept saying I was fine, but I guess my general depressed tone and fake-smiling pictures gave way to the truth. I wasn't being cared for, in fact I was being mentally abused regarding my condition.
Long story, short. Things happened. We broke up. I was depressed. I found a free clinic, got better, made new friends, met my current girlfriend.
EVERYONE noticed a difference in my personality. Finally having someone in my life who didn't make me feel guilty or ashamed made a tremendous difference. My condition improved significantly and all of sudden... there was my family, practically waving their rainbow flags.
Now, there's two factors to this obviously. 1) the illness and 2) the new, better partner.
I feel like both factors played a role in my family coming around in a more supportive way. They realized how important it was for me to be happy and how drastically more happy I am with my current partner. They realized that even though I'm the youngest and was always the healthiest, I'm not invincible.
When Crohn's came around, they realized they can't afford to not be 100% a part of my life. They expressed their support so that they could be involved in all areas of my life. No more secrets, no more hiding. They now need to know what's going on with me and they know that loving & accepting my partner is part of that. After all, if something ever went wrong, she's the person who they'll get phone calls from and she's the person who will be with them at the hospital.
This is terribly wrong, and I hope it's making sense what I'm trying to say. As much I hate having Crohn's - as often as it makes me break down in tears by just existing - I have to on some level consider it like a gift. Something that came along and gave me my family in a way that I don't know I would have been able to have them before.
:ghug: