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Funny Crohn's Experiences

Anyone have any funny Crohn's stories to tell? For me one that really stands out was when I was at the pharmacy picking up my Pred, Aza, and percocets. The pharmacist made sure there wasn't a mistake cause I said I would be taking all of them together and it shocked him a little. I dunno I just thought that was funny.
 
ok, this isn't purely a crohn's funny, but it is because of crohn's..

some years ago, i got admitted to hospital because of severe dehydration.. i'd spent so long in the A&E department, that by the time i got taken up to the ward, it was the middle of the night.. they put me in a private room next to the nurses station, gave me a hospital night-dress to put on, and left me to it.

struggling to get my clothes off with one arm attached to a drip stand, i guess i was semi-naked for quite some minutes while i passed the drip bag out through my t-shirt sleeve, bra, then back through the nightgown sleeve... then a nurse burst in the room and pointed at a little window i hadn't noticed... through this window was the nurses station, and about 5 staff, including my consultant, were stood there grinning at me.

after grabbing something to cover up my embarrassment, the giggles that followed from all of us were enough to wake up the whole ward. lol.
 
I was also well known at my local pharmacy for a good while because I was the one with the prescriptions for items no one had ever heard of and that weren't stocked either! It was often quite comical because I'd roll up to collect my medication and I wouldn't even have to announce myself ha ha.
 

Cat-a-Tonic

Super Moderator
This probably happens to a lot of us, but after I awoke from my colonoscopy, I kept asking my husband questions. And the sedation they had given me for the scope was the kind that makes you lose your short-term memory for a little bit as you're waking up, so I apparently kept asking him the same questions over and over. I do remember at one point that I asked him, "How long was I in the operating room?" And he just laughed and said, "and that's the sixth time you've asked me that!" :)
 
I was on azathioprine and high doses of pred for about 6 months. Because aza causes hair loss and pred causes excess facial hair I joked that I'd be bald with a beard.
It kept me laughing for ages, my mum didn't think it was
so funny.
If it had actually happened I probably would have been a
bit pissed but hey, you've got to keep laughing somehow!

P.s. I should say that I'm a 24 yr old girl, so the beard/bald head look wouldn't have been a good one!
I did lose quite a lot of hair, but luckily never got the beard.
 

Cat-a-Tonic

Super Moderator
Nope, no camera and that's not me. :) I've still got my wisdom teeth anyway so I'll have to make sure he keeps the camera at home if/when I have them removed. Of course, he's still got his wisdom teeth too...
 
I had a reaction to morphine after my operation, and I thought I was in the zoo.

"Why the f*ck am I stuck next to a Girrafe and a hippo, they absoloutely stink! Someone get me out of this zoo, HOLY CRAP my bed is on fire" I'm there ripping my drips out and running around in my gown from the fire.
Haha was so weird...
 

Nyx

Moderator
I just remember making jokes about my 'fu-manchoo' mustache from being on prednisone for so long. I used to threaten to wax it so it would stand out....lol
 
Location
USA
I had a reaction to morphine after my operation, and I thought I was in the zoo.
:mademyday:

This thread is hysterical. The first funny story I thought of is only funny in hindsight, as I was probably like 12 when it happened so it rather freaked me out. I was in for a colonoscopy or something and the nurse was trying to start the IV. So she jabs me and it hurt like the dickens, and she just sits there looking at my arm, which is apparently oozing blood in time with my pulse --- then she says, "oh, I guess that's an artery"....
 

rygon

Moderator
1st time taking pred the pharmacist giving me the drugs asked if I had ever taking it, after the reply no she just went "erm.. well you just .. erm.. the instructions are on the box"

Another funny time was when I had to put the pred in, my stomach was pretty swollen at the time due to gas and trying to go to the toilet didnt help things, so I shoved the pred up there. Guess it did the trick as it fired out straight after, along with some very watery diarrea / blood. Having my trousers down to my ankles made it pretty hard to run to the other side of the bathroom on to the toilet. There was little splatter marks all over the floor, not what you want at 11 at night lol
 
When i woke up after surgery to my worried mam and girlfriend, i was full of morphine and wasnt making much sense. My mam exclaimed "at least he isn't swearing!" which i promptly replied "Yes i Fu**ing am!"
 
When i woke up after surgery to my worried mam and girlfriend, i was full of morphine and wasnt making much sense. My mam exclaimed "at least he isn't swearing!" which i promptly replied "Yes i Fu**ing am!"
It was my first endoscopy back in '89 and I was still a bit drugged up (I was 9 at the time) And I guess I asked for pizza when I woke up, so they took me to a really FANCY pizza place in downtown Portland, OR . I guess I must have gotten a bit hot and just decided to strip down to my underwear, in front of about 45+ yuppies... Thankfully I don't remember a thing.

That and in 2007 after my colonoscopy I got into quite a heated argument about the benefits of government run healthcare vs privatized, apparently she was a member of the tea party, thankfully I don't remember that one either.
 

rygon

Moderator
After having a local(?) anaesthetic (not asleep but subdued) for my colonoscopy, my mum said "u must be really hungry after the last 2 days of not eating much"
" yeh I would love a kfc right now"
"Im sure you could but im not taking you there.. u can make yourself beans on toast instead"

:(
 
Not necessarily funny, but it's my most recent memorable crohn's moment. Was in hospital for a week, home for a day, and taken back to hospital by ambulance after spending hours in pain. This is the funny part, but not at the time. I'm riding in the back of an ambulance, down a bumpy road, sitting up curled in pain holding a barf bag while the EMT is trying to put an IV into my bad veins. My pain level is at a 10 and I'm trying to tell the little jerk that the IV ain't happening at this moment. He finally succeeded in the parking lot at the hospital.

By the time my husband gets in to see me at the hospital, I've been doubled up for over 4 hours, still waiting for some pain meds. I start yelling at him that I would rather have a baby. The labor pains are not as strong, I would have been done by now, and I would have a cute little baby cuddled up next to me. Shortly after comes all the meds and I'm being admitted.

The very next night, my wonderful husband walks into my hospital room carrying a suspicious looking box. He looks at me and says, "Well Sweetheart, you went through the labor, so here's your new baby". He brought me a brand new laptop, which is what I've been using for the last 3 months to communicate with all of you. As I said, It's not necessarily a funny story, but it is one of the most loving things my husband has done for me in a long time. Especially since we really couldn't afford it, but he said I was worth it. Now you all know how I'm able to stay in such good spirits most of the time. And I appreciate each and every one of you.
 

Cat-a-Tonic

Super Moderator
That's so sweet, Beverly! The way your story was going, I thought your husband was going to have adopted an actual baby or maybe borrowed one from the maternity ward, ha ha. :) That's really sweet that he bought you something you wanted even though he couldn't really afford it - he knew you needed it.
 
He is pretty wonderful to put up with me the way he has lately. Believe it or not, we met at a bar 24 years ago and have been married for 23. I appreciate you want him, but I think I'll keep him. He's pretty well trained by now. :lol:
 
lost count of the colonoscopies ive had but every time im in the room for one a sketch from a scottish tv show always comes to mind every time, poor guy on the trolley on his left hand side, bum bare to the whole room, dr comes in and says , for gods sake nurse look at the state of that, give it a damn good wipe its filthy, guy on the table gets all embarrased and is just about to appologise when the nurse grabs a handfull of tissues and wipes the monitor screen clean
 
I think one of my most funniest ones was after i had my endoscopy last year and as i was dosed up on sedation for first time i remember i woke up and can remember saying to the nurse what u standing there for then make me a cuppa, and she actually did when she brought it back i went whats this she went the tea you asked for but i couldnt remember any of it until the next day, i was so rude lol
 
Hmm funniest Crohn's moment...my husband and I were on a driving vacation from Los Angeles to Yellowstone National Park when I started having a horrible flare. We were in West Yellowstone and there were no hospitals or doctors for miles, and the roads have LONG stretches in between rest stops. I was so sick I just wanted to head home, so we're driving along with me wearing an adult diaper and a bucket on my lap. I had already "used" the diaper when another horrible wave of cramps came over me, so severe I could barely stand up. The only place to go to the bathroom was a hunter's lodge packed with men stocking up on ammo. I race in holding my pants with one hand and the bucket with the other and race to the front of the line for the only toliet in the place. So I start pounding on the door and yelling for the person to get out, and a huge hunter opens the door and is staring at me in shock. I race past him and must have been in there for 20 minutes. In the meantime my poor husband is left at the mercy of the hunters, who by now are pretty angry. When I come out of the bathroom everyone in the place was staring at me, and I must've looked bad because no one said a word. Not funny then but he and I have had many a good laugh over the look on those guy's faces!
 
After my second colonoscopy, I remember being semi-awake and telling my friend who was with me, "Sorry if I let a big fart." She just smiled at me and said "It's okay, girl. Do what you gotta do." We laugh about it a lot!
 
a few weeks after my surgery i crapped out a few little metal staples. from my butt end, not my stoma end. i wasnt really sure if they were supposed to come out or what so i stuck one between some tape and took it to my nxt surgeon check in. i held it up in the air and was like "this came out my butt...." he had his usual look of unenthusiasm and started to say "oh well.....WAIT, that came out your WHAT?!"
haha turned out it was fine, just unusual, on his way out of the room he tossed it in the trash. and i dove in there and fished it out. i mean hell no, that sucker is MINE!
 
It was a few years ago and I was getting my Remicade treatment. The nice old lady was giving me my IV and she told me to make a fist as she put the needle in. She never told me to stop making a fist and as she ended the blood draw and left only the plastic in there I squirted blood all across the room hitting her, a chair, and the wall about 10 feet away. She told me she never saw that happen before.

I had some more but I was distracted and now can't think of them.
 

braveheart

Passionate Dreamer
Gas and travelling

I remember once I was coming back home from my vacations. It was many years ago, I was 20 and I went to the mountains with some school friends. It was a long distance travel by bus. It took about 18 hours. The bus was crowded as usual and I was in one of these “farting” days.:ymad:

I went to the bus´s toilet many times, but then I got tired of going back and forth from my seat to the toilet, so I decided to let it be… :shifty-t:

There was an old lady sat next to me that had no options that smelling the problem. The bus seats were in pairs, so she was by my side. She was aware of the situation, but she was kind of thoughtful and goodhearted and she said anything. I think she was in her 80s.

Then after having released a very (VERY) stinking one, a couple that was sitting in the next-ahead seats showed up. They looked back at me (and the old lady) with anger, but in silence.

My first reaction was looking the old lady sat next to me with disapproval. I made the couple believe the old lady was the farting one, without saying anything.

Who could ever have blame on a “healthy-like” teenager?
 
Well here's one. I work in a vet clinic and one time I was holding this large dog while the vet was doing the exam. Well My stomach was really noisy that day for some reasons, and of course it always seems to happen when the room is dead silent and you can hear a pen drop. Well the doctor had her back turned while she was writing in the file so I'm just waiting trying to keep the dog calm when my stomach decides to growl loudly. The vet turned around and was like "oo is that your stomach?" and first thing that popped in my head was I said" uhhh I think it was the dog..." and the vet just laughed. I don't even know if she bought it are what. It was one of those situations that you didn't mean to lie but it popped out and you just went with the flow. Lol So I totally blamed the dog. Haha
 
I ate cake with copious amounts of blue dye the day before my first colonoscopy. On the day of, they pumped me with tube cleaner and watched my stools. SCARED THE HELL OUT OF THAT NURSE.
 
LOL Kello and Majikn! I went to the lab to pick up a stool test-the one where they check for parasites and white cells ( 1 red tube, 1 yellow tube, and a tub for the fresh sample). There was like 15 people behind me and my husband, and the lab tech explained the whole collection procedure loud enough for the whole room to hear, in an excruciatingly detailed manner. She even mimed the way you would scoop it out, etc. My husband and I started giggling and the lab tech says "IF you keep laughing it will just hold up the line more" and that was the last straw! We fell apart laughing-it took us about 5 minutes to regain composure while everybody in line just stared at us. We apologized to the other patients as we left, and since they had heard the whole speel they understood.:roflanim:
 
Ok this is kind of not funny really but is - its just the situation I alwyas laugh to myself when I think about it!

I was at work (im a nurse) and the other nurse I was on with was busy in a side ward, so it was just me and a couple of students at the nurses station doing paperwork. I was still coming out of a flare at this time and had good and bad days. Suddenly I got the excrutaiting pain, the gurgling, the sick feeling and knew i'd have to run to the loo.

As I got up, a patients monitor started alarming to say his heart had gone into an odd rythm and as I looked over he was flat out - as I ran to his bed he arrested. I got the bed flat and started CPR as the student put the crash call out - but I still needed to be in the bathroom, very badly! So i'm there, doing compressions while trying to clench my arse cheeks together and to not vomit over this poor patient!

As the crash team arrived i'd let out the most horrendous smelling gas....it couldn't be helped! As someone else took over I stood back and just prayed they thought it was the patient!!

He lived, and I got to go to the loo. I was so close to almost literally shittin my pants!!
 
Haha when I came out of surgery and got put in the room, I am greeted by the surgeon walking in with a big smile on his face and a young nurse with him. He asks me how I'm feeling and what not and explaining what all had happened to me. He then asks me if I recgonize the girl with him and I dont but I notice that she has a busted up and swollen lip. Evidently she worked in the recovery room and when I came to she had come over to talk and I punched her in the mouth. I can't remember a thing but I felt really bad about it. Ha it didnt help that she was pretty sore at me over it and she was super good looking, but oh well. If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any at all.

Chris
 
When I came out of the gym last week, I projectile vomited over a phone pole on the side walk for some reason. (Sometimes I seem to inexplicably vomit after strenuous activity? It's weird.) Anyway, the funny part is, there was this school bus driving by right as I did it to bring kids to some summer program. I wish I could have heard what the little kids looking out the window said. :p
 
I once fell asleep in the back of Ikea in a pile of pillows, woke up 30 mins later when someone woke me up. Was particularly tired that day!
 
I was planning on starting a thread about your funniest IV stories, but this will work just fine for this story.

It was my first, worst flair and I had NO idea what was wrong. I had been in the ER for hours because they couldn't decide if they wanted to send me straight to surgery or let me lay a few days. They decided I wasn't surgical at that point, and sent me up to my room.

During all the fun of labs, xrays and other stuff they forgot to put my IV in. I didn't know they normally did it in the ER. I was new to this hospital stuff and I just thought nurses did it. Not the EMT's.

Anyway, they wheeled me to my room and then tossed me on my new bed. The nurse came in and almost squealed with delight, "ooooh, they forgot your IV! I get to practice tonight!"

Now, mind you I thought she was kidding. I am NOT the patient to practice on. I have small veins (they always blow one before they realize I know what i am talking about), when I am dehydrated they tend to roll (whoops, there went another one!), and when you hurt me, they clamp down (hm! Wonder where that one went?)

After 5 tries she looked up at me smiling. I must have looked really bad because she said, "OH! How about a little Morphine before we try again?" I was like, "Yes to the Morphine, but how about you practice somewhere else?"

I was still trying to be nice at this point.

I got my shot, and a different person to do my IV :goodluck:
 
Funny IV story number 2

I was back in the hospital and had been transferred to another city by the doctors. They wanted to take me by ambulance, but I really didn't want to, so I rode in the back seat of my In law's car. It was very sweet of them, considering I had vomited all over my MIL when I was in the hospital the time before. (different story)

They got me settled in to the bed and the nurse checked my IV site. They had put it in while I was in the ER (hey! Getting smarter here! LOL!) and they had taped it up for the transfer. She didn't think it was any good any more and pulled it.

She wanted to do it her way. So, I gritted my teeth and let her try it. Sure enough, blew the first one. I told her my veins were small and that they rolled when I was dehydrated. She said she had a trick for that!

She inserted the needle in my arm (it was supposed to be in my vein) and started the fluid. Yes, you imagined it right. My arm started swelling up in that spot. She was like, "oops, I missed" and giggled.

Then she did this two more times. Before she started the last one, I mentioned that no one had used this technique on me before, and I was pretty sure that you had to turn the fluid on AFTER you got the needle in the vein. She said no, that it helped the needle to GO in if you turned the water on BEFORE you got it all the way in. My eyes got really big. :eek2:

She blew up another water balloon on my arm and I told her in my best mean voice that she had tried her last try and to go get someone else.

This time, no fluid first, she used a local (ahhh) and we got the IV going again. I had 4, yes count them 4 - water balloons under my skin. They took forEVER to go away. :ybatty:
 
Sunflower...How do you put up with these twit nurses? That had to hurt. You are a very strong woman. Our hospital has a 2 try policy. If they don't hit it right the second time, they get someone else.

ADULT HUMOR: Now for a funny story, but it's not mine. It's actually my brother-in-law's, Dean, and it was one of his favorites. I hope I can tell it right. During the late 70's or early 80's he was all prepared for a scope and was either staying awake through it or kept awake until the last minute. Everything is prepared, everybody's ready, and Dean with his wonderful sense of humor, looked over his shoulder to the doctor and says with a big grin, "I hear any heavy breathing back there, I'm leaving!" He said his only regret is the doctor did not think this was very funny. Not a very good position to be in when you upset your doctor. I hope this story does not offend anyone else, but if you knew Dean could really appreciate this. He was quite a character.
 

Entchen

Chief Dandelion Picker
Haha, Bev, that line's a real gem! Physician was taking himself too seriously, clearly, to not find it funny. :)

Sunflower, been there with the IVs, but not 4 failed tries (craziness!). I had either 2 or 3 failed tries before my colonoscopy -- one hit a nerve and knocked out the feeling in my hand, and the other one or two went through the vein and out the other side, and the resulting bruising and swelling got LOTS OF LOOKS for several days afterward. My hand, wrist, arm, everything looked like I'd gone 5 rounds in a boxing ring (and lost).
 
Just remembered another poo funny, thought ya'll might like........

We were having a small family gathering, about 10 of us, when my 2 yr old niece smelled like she had filled her diaper. When my sister-in-law went to peek in the back of her diaper in front of everyone, my niece started jumping around very indignantly, pushing her mother's hands away and very loudly announced, "I DIDN'T POOP, I JUST TOOTED!"

Not sure if this was the right thread to share this, but just thought it was cute. Trying to share the laughter!!!! :lol2:
 

Astra

Moderator
I've already put this on a thread somewhere months ago, but for all you newbies, here's a funny poo story.

when you gotta go, you gotta go!
I was having the hall and stairs decorated and the decorators where in the way of the bathroom with their ladders etc, so I went to the shed and had to shit in a Tesco bag! then put it in the wheelie bin! My kids were mortified!
and I had to do the same when I went to the V Festival, there was a 3 mile queue for the toilets, so I went back to the tent and.....
I was distraught once, I was on the throne when the window cleaner came! there's not a hell of a lot one can do when this happens!
 
hahaha, glad i can look back and laugh at it now! while i was waking up from my colonoscopy i really felt like i had to use the bathroom. i kept telling my mom and the nurse to get me dressed because i had to go and they just laughed at me. i didnt really understand at the time so i did it myself and went to the bathroom. then i freaked out when i saw blood in the toliet from the biopsies that were taken. hahahaha never though id have to beg someone to take me to the bathroom. and apparently i kept asking the same questions about how it went over and over!
 
Okay...here is one....I had passed out from electrolytes being off, and a bunch of other things...Not funny--I did this in the presence of my then twin 6 year olds! They called for help. But, I didn't know who I was for a few days from the bump on my head. And, because of my J Pouch...I lacked "control" in the bowels! So they put a "tube" in me! I was extremely uncomfortable. My mother being a religious woman, came to visit me with her pastor. After my mother reintroduced me to her pastor...I apparently as her if she could remove the tube from my a**! LOL,.....Sue
 
Ha ha! I love this thread!

Of course my husband thinks it is funny when I have an accident. Once I couldn't make it and had to stop right there in the yard. I was very close to the door but of course there were steps, and then I had to make it all the way to the bathroom. Sigh. He thought it was hilarious and told several people to my horror.

Revenge!

The other day, he was having some issues. He was at work. He had gone to the bathroom several times that day already, so he thought he was clear. He felt a big fart and thought he would be okay. NOT!! LOL!! He sharted and it was so bad it came all the way through his shorts. I ROFLMAO!

Ah, revenge is sweet! Now I get to tell LOTS of people!
 
Random Thought

Does anyone ever watch those commercials about losing bladder control? You can just take some medicine and you never have to worry about peeing your pants again?

Well, does anyone ever why they worry so much? I mean, really. How bad does it smell, and couldn't you just wear a pad for it or something? Sheesh.

I guess it makes me just a little jealous because mine isn't quite that easy! LOL!!
 
I do have 2 things that spring to mind.

My first colonoscopy was around 6 months ago. I was sedated but woke up mid-way through it. The first thing I was met with was the TV screen infront of me showing the movement though my insides. I- Clearly still in a slightly sedated state of mind asked if they could change the channel as 'this is a repeat and I have saw it before'. I was then taken through to the recovery room when they offered me something to eat! I gratefully accepted on the basis that they keep the toilet paper in the fridge until I am finished.


The second time was when I was working in a different area of the country and went into the local petrol station to fuel up. I went to the toilet and....like all our worst nightmares- No toilet paper! There was a bit of a queue with people paying for fuel so I didnt want to ask for toilet paper, instead I simply found toilet paper they were selling in the store, picked it up and used that, they took the remaining 3 rolls from a pack of 4 back to the shelve. :D
 
Got another.
After my surgery one of the days when I had my IV Dilauded pump I somehow went through my contacts on my cell texting them saying everything from "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" to "have fun in Toronto". I don't remember doing that at all. Days after when I was weened down off them I laughed so hard. I guess that's what a lot of strong pain killers will do to you lol.
 
Mine would be a couple of months ago, I work in sales and had been invited to a promotional dinner for a local wine....I dont usually drink for obvious reasons (its hard enough keeping control of my bowels sober!) but they were promoting this wine to sell in china and I thought it would be rude not to sample, but my boss kept pouring me more and I hadnt been at this job long so I drank and drank. I was pretty tipsy when I got dropped off at home. My 15yo son was talking to me mucking around and I felt the need to fart well when it happened the fart was water.......he has never let me live that one down.
The other that comes to mind was my first colonoscopy a few years ago my daughter was 7 and on school holidays. I had come home and was laying in bed dealing with the wind pain, then all of a sudden I felt the urge, and let out the loudest fart even I had ever heard. I didnt realise that my daughter was standing at the doorway....all I heard was her running to her dad telling him that she thinks I just blew the covers off the bed!! lol
 
Oh lord. I have been laughing so hard at these stories. Thanks for sharing!
I have a few to share...
1) The first Christmas I spent with my inlaws I had just gotten our new puppy. We were on a drive looking at Christmas lights and decorations and had brought the new puppy in his cute Christmas sweater. I had to pass gas and could NOT hold it. I thought to myself... "this shouldn't be so bad". The next thing I know, my teenaged sister in law yells, "Turn on the lights, the dog pooped in the car!" I went through with the charade of looking for the pups accident but never let on otherwise. He was so cute and unassuming in his little sweater. My husband new the truth all along.
2) The other day I had an upper GI follow through/barium study and no one really prepared me for the procedure, which wasn't so bad aside from the carnival ride aspect of the fluoroscopy table. But I didn't think that I would be in a hospital gown all day and had not shaved my legs in a while (embarrassing but hey...I've been busy) and my socks had huge holes in the bottom- really there was just sock left of the top. So here I was in this predicament flipping around and rolling over as directed, etc. Then the doctor asked if I am Irish. I panicked at the notion that maybe he'd seen one of my normally hidden tattoos. Then he referred to my "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" St. Patricks day socks that I'm wearing in October. Good times. Eep!
 
so I have 4 kids and the youngest 2 are girls but that wouldn't matter because my family has NO bathroom boundaries.. they will just walk in and then complain about the smell etc.. anyways. In the last 2 years I have had 2 semi solid poo's.. the rest crazy explosive water runs etc.usually with tons of blood.. so Claire happened to be in the bathroom when I got up and she looked at the bowl and said.. WOW mommy you had a big girl POO! ( she was just 4yrs old) then she opened the door and ran out into our living room where we had about 14 people over for bible study.. and proclaimed in a LOUD voice " my mommy just had a REAL turd and she's a BIG girl and it wasn't even bloody!" I just about died! THankfully they are friends but talk about TMI..then back to crazy runs the next time.. :):lol:
 
Ok just to put things straight first
I absolutly HATE and I mean HATE how the shop security always want to check inside my back pack, yet will turn a blind eye to the womens massive brand name hand bags(big enuff to fit my back pack inside-u know the ones)

anyway
I had to go to the shops for some essentials
even though I felt like absolute shit
I didn't even make it into the shop an had to dash for the loo...... But didn't make it
lucky for my trusty backpack with change of clothes etc
so all clean I decided seein I'm here may aswell get what I came for
so quickly did my shopping an tried makin a hasty retreat home

well a security gaurd who had just let a handbag go un checked grabs me(litteraly) an says
I hav to check ya bag
fine I say an open it for him
I go to close it an move on when he goes
what's that?!!
Without warning - or askin he dives in an grabs with his hands
he whips out a shopping bag that was all wrapped up
then before I can say anything
he shoves his hand inside the bag with a massive smile on his face an says
well well well what do we hav here!
He rips out my VERY soiled underwear and holds them right near his head smiling
before he realised/felt an smelled exactly what it was

I smuggly replied
dunno looks like shit to me
ya welcome to keep it an I'm sure I can get alot more if ya like

maybe he has learnt his lesson I dunno
but bein a crohnie I wasn't embarrassed at all unlike him
plus I was well prepared with clean clothes spray an hand cleanser/germ killer
gee he was a mess lol

I almost crapper myself again on the way home from laughing so hard
 
My friend and I were hanging out on her back porch one evening because it was really really nice. I had been fairly sick for a while and was drinking a juice box. I ran to the edge of the porch because I couldn't help it, I was so sick and vomiting and in the middle I said "Annnnd I just shit my pants!" She was so shocked she didn't know what to say, whether to laugh or cry for me! I ran into the bathroom and fixed everything up and came back out and we just busted out laughing. It was slightly embarrassing, but she's my best friend and we got a good laugh out of it in the end.
 
Hahahaha, Amanda! I totally laughed at that. I can just imagine you saying that. I think me and my girl friends would have laughed together about that too!
 
When I went to the hospital, they heard "emergency colonoscopy" "Crohn's disease, severe" and "hemorrhaging" and I was immediately sent to a very spacious private room with a large, private bathroom with many handles and toilet hats and buttons everywhere.

If you want to get your own bathroom at the hospital, mention a few of those hot button words!
 
Nuh-uh Rob!! Really?? Hahahaha!!! You should keep em in a zip lock baggie wherever you go!!


Lol in a zip lock baggy??
Like a bag of drugs huh?? Lmao
that would of made him even more suspisious
- can jus see it now, him opening it and sniffing to see what drugs are in there hahahaha
 
'and how many times have you opened your bowels today?' well thankyou for closing the curtains round my bed, but seeing as I heard the other 5 patients' answers I'm well aware that they can hear mine! Oh well, just have to console myself with the fact that I'm the only one that made it to the toilet.
 
:ylol:ha ha!

I have a habit when I am having a colonoscopy of saying " I'm really sorry but I haven't shaved my legs" ....as that would be the most embarrassing thing in that situation considering what they are doing!...I don't know why I say it but I do!! LOL!
 
My doc has a great sense of humor. After the colonoscopy, in my Versed haze, I introduced him to my husband as "the evil butt doctor."
 

vonfunk

Bourbon Bandito
Location
Toronto,
I had a follow up with my GI on Tuesday, and he brought up removing my colon again because I failed at Remicade. He had brought up that I mentioned once that I knew someone who had the surgery (for the record my half brother has crohn's)
To which I replied "My brother had surgery to remove a mass of scar tissue from his colon, well he's my half brother. So I guess this is all my dad's fault"
There was brief pause before we both burst out laughing.
 
Well maybe you should shave your legs before the procedure! I did (along with other things!)
Obviously under normal circumstance I would! But if I am v sick in hospital - I'm afraid it's the last thing on my mind!! I'm lucky in some respects though that since taking some of my meds, my hair on my legs doesnt grow!! God knows why! So even when I say it - chances are they aren't even hairy! LOL! :)
 
It is kind of funny to think about it. I mean, with a colonoscopy, nobody is going to look at your legs and I'm sure they don't care about what else has or has not been groomed, yet at each surgery or scope I've had, I alway make sure every little grooming detail has been done.. I always feel like considering what type of thing they are doing on me is embarrassing enough, I have to have everything else in tip-top condition.
 
Funny guys. Thank you for starting this thread.

I had a resection in June due to a blockage. My protein was so low they put me on a tpn drip for a week before they did the surgery. At the end of the 2nd week (the day they finally pulled the iv drip) I wanted out of that building so bad even just to be in the sunlight I begged and pleaded when the surgeon came to check in on his rounds and agreed it would be ok. He walked with me to the nurses station and proceeded to argue with the nurse who said I could not leave the floor, let alone the building. unless my husband came to the hospital to escort me. She said that even though the surgeon said it was ok directly to her it would be considered "acting against the advice" of my doctor. I was so mad I burst into tears and rushed back to my room. Mostly angry that my husband would have to come all the way to the hospital to "sign me out" like a child at school. I definately over-reacted - I guess stress will do that for you. The doctor let me go home a few hours later and I had the great joy of giving the stink eye to the nurse. Not funny at the time, but I laugh now.
 
Got another. In the ER they took a total blood count test and my white cells where at 21 or something and the normal was below 5 which I thought was funny and the nurse kinda chuckled and said ya there's definitely something wrong.
 
Ok just to put things straight first
I absolutly HATE and I mean HATE how the shop security always want to check inside my back pack, yet will turn a blind eye to the womens massive brand name hand bags(big enuff to fit my back pack inside-u know the ones)

anyway
I had to go to the shops for some essentials
even though I felt like absolute shit
I didn't even make it into the shop an had to dash for the loo...... But didn't make it
lucky for my trusty backpack with change of clothes etc
so all clean I decided seein I'm here may aswell get what I came for
so quickly did my shopping an tried makin a hasty retreat home

well a security gaurd who had just let a handbag go un checked grabs me(litteraly) an says
I hav to check ya bag
fine I say an open it for him
I go to close it an move on when he goes
what's that?!!
Without warning - or askin he dives in an grabs with his hands
he whips out a shopping bag that was all wrapped up
then before I can say anything
he shoves his hand inside the bag with a massive smile on his face an says
well well well what do we hav here!
He rips out my VERY soiled underwear and holds them right near his head smiling
before he realised/felt an smelled exactly what it was

I smuggly replied
dunno looks like shit to me
ya welcome to keep it an I'm sure I can get alot more if ya like

maybe he has learnt his lesson I dunno
but bein a crohnie I wasn't embarrassed at all unlike him
plus I was well prepared with clean clothes spray an hand cleanser/germ killer
gee he was a mess lol

I almost crapper myself again on the way home from laughing so hard
Awesome story Rob-that security guy got back some of what he doles out!:rof:
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob View Post
Ok just to put things straight first
I absolutly HATE and I mean HATE how the shop security always want to check inside my back pack, yet will turn a blind eye to the womens massive brand name hand bags(big enuff to fit my back pack inside-u know the ones)

anyway
I had to go to the shops for some essentials
even though I felt like absolute shit
I didn't even make it into the shop an had to dash for the loo...... But didn't make it
lucky for my trusty backpack with change of clothes etc
so all clean I decided seein I'm here may aswell get what I came for
so quickly did my shopping an tried makin a hasty retreat home

well a security gaurd who had just let a handbag go un checked grabs me(litteraly) an says
I hav to check ya bag
fine I say an open it for him
I go to close it an move on when he goes
what's that?!!
Without warning - or askin he dives in an grabs with his hands
he whips out a shopping bag that was all wrapped up
then before I can say anything
he shoves his hand inside the bag with a massive smile on his face an says
well well well what do we hav here!
He rips out my VERY soiled underwear and holds them right near his head smiling
before he realised/felt an smelled exactly what it was

I smuggly replied
dunno looks like shit to me
ya welcome to keep it an I'm sure I can get alot more if ya like

maybe he has learnt his lesson I dunno
but bein a crohnie I wasn't embarrassed at all unlike him
plus I was well prepared with clean clothes spray an hand cleanser/germ killer
gee he was a mess lol

I almost crapper myself again on the way home from laughing so hard



Awesome story Rob-that security guy got back some of what he doles out!


LMAO~!!
 
My Cousin used to come get me and take me shopping in the middle of the night to Wal-mart, when I would be in a flare. She would call me up and drag me out in my pajama's. Well of course when I flare I am very very very gassy. WEll she learned after a few times not to walk behind me....i would leave a toxic cloud of DEATH!!! She would yell and gag, and tell i smell like something died. Then we would giggle and find people to walk past back and forth to see if they would say anything. Most of them would run out of the isle we were in and leave us giggling.
 
oh and yelling at at my gastro during a colonoscopy while under, that whatever he was doing hurt and he needed to stop well of course this shocked him...they gave me more juice, and apparently i yelled at him " look i said that hurts so fu**ing stop or i WILL hit you" he stopped the procedure. I was the first patient who had complained of pain during, and threatened him also. Needless to say the next scope he and I both asked for lotsa juice to keep me quiet :)
 
The day of my discharge,
I had no clothes to wear home.. just the blue bottoms and the gown. When I called my mother to pick me up, told her to be there around 5pm.. the Dr gave me my scripts and instead of going home and putting clothes on I had to go straight to the pharmacy to get the scripts filled.

there was a long line in the front of the store and so you can immagine the look on everyone's face when I walked in straight from the hospital with arm bracelets on and everything... and of course the bright yellow wrist band that said "Fall Risk" lol

the security lady walked me back to the pharmacy and lucky for me the pharmacist was the lady who knew me... she made me sit in the chair and she did my scripts for me within 20 mins...

I will bet there were a few people who took my picture with their cellphone and posted it up on FB but I dont care, the pharmacist was asking me all kinds of questions about what happened in the hospital. She was not happy they let me leave with the gown and bottoms... I have been going to this pharmacy for years and the care I got that night is one of the reasons I have stayed with them.

I laugh about that night now but it was not very funny then, lol
 
Location
Australia
Have recently taken to rather brazenly burping my bag as I walk along the street.
Kinda think it's like farting as I walk - just like everybody else.
Epic fail last Sunday - main road in the city, luckily it was relatively late at night.
Burped bag as I marched along merrrily - but couldn't get the ring to clip back on.
The movement of my walking resulted in the whole bag then slipping off.
Then the poop leaked out .... managed to reclip it ... in front of a group of teenage girls sitting on some steps - their eyes agog!
Had to drive home with the stink of poop and a mess on my top.
Idiot!
 
ah yes,
I really love my lock n roll bag, once I got used to making sure the damn clip was snaped shut...

I went to Kmart to get a new dish drainer. I knew my bag was full so I just planned on emptying it in the bathroom there in the store.... my bag had other plans...

I got out of the car and the weight from the stool went to the bottom of my bag where to my horror the clip was not secure and fell down the side of my pants followed by the stool...
luckily for me no one saw it... I didnt even pick up the darn clip it was all yucky and dirty, I had more at home...

I got back in the car and drove home. took a shower and put on fresh flange/bag making sure the clip was secure... then went back to Kmart like nothing happened.
 
During the holiday season, I had the intentions of returning an item that I found cheaper somewhere else. I started to have a lot of pain and the urge to go, but was circling around for close to a half hour to find a spot. As soon as I parked I realized I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom. I took the stuff out of my Macy's shopping bag, and relieved myself. I didn't see any trash cans around and could not bear the thought of leaving the bag of poo in my car for fear of leakage, so I placed the bag in the parking spot and decided to move my car in fear of someone finding a bag of poo. As I was leaving the spot, a woman started to flag me down...miss you left your bag..she picked it up, and quickly threw it....I will never forget her face in the rear view mirror heheheh
 
My funniest time was when I was traveling abroad with my sister to celebrate my graduation from law school six years ago. I had been diagnosed two years earlier with UC, but I was in a manageable "remission" from Remicade. So we decided to proceed with our plans and backpack around Ireland and England.

This story is made funnier to me as this incident took place in London, and I always think of the British having "stiff upper lips". Like in some way their Crohn's issues are far more dignified than us Americans, lol.

So my sister and I are seeing all the sights in London. I was doing OK but towards the end of our stay I began to start to have symptoms again. I thought because they were minor, I would be fine and probably just flare back in the US.

We decided to go to Parliament and we were in such awe, listening to the debates below. I began to get uncomfortable, and then it switched in one instant to absolute immediate urgency and doubling over, a feeling we all know too well. I race out trying to find a bathroom, but do not make it. My sister, well aware of my emergency poop face, runs after me. She finds a bathroom, and since we were backpacking, I had a change of clothes. So, we take the soiled clothes, which smelled SO BAD, and put them in a bag. I had a small travel size bottle of baby powder, which I empty in this bag to make the smell less offensive. I left, shamed that I had crapped my pants in London's great Parliament.

Later that night, we are in our hostel watching the news and a newscaster comes on and says Parliament had to be evacuated ealier that day because a suspicious white substance had been found in the building. My sister looked at me and I was in utter shock that it may have been my poo and powder mixture that caused that evacuation! Later we heard it was something in an envelope, but my sister and I still laugh and wonder if it was me!

I felt so un-British, lol!
 
When I first found out I was getting a seton I asked my IBD nurse about what it was. I had looked on-line and was confused because they are a circle and "how would that work?" instead of telling the accurate details (it is a circle -up the rectum -through the fistula and back out where it is tied - thus making a circle) she assured me that it was not possible for it be a circle, I must have read it wrong....? Really? And she is the IBD expert?
 
Before I was diagnosed, I would have bad bouts of really smelly gas at random times. One of these times happened after church while I was talking to some lady friends and passed a silent but deadly fart and the ladies started saying one by one, Well, I gotta go, see ya later, and one lady looked at her watch, (but she wasn't actually wearing one) and said, Oh look at the time, see you!

So I basically cleared the room...:redface:
 
Bumping up an old thread...

I've got three older brothers and all kinds of nieces and nephews. For the few times a year that my entire family is in one house, I usually do a good job of hiding everything I can about my crohn's so everyone can just have a nice time. A few years ago, we were all there and kids will be kids and start asking questions. I just never figured they'd start with, "Can I play with the maracas in your suitcase?". Apparently I put down my bag a little hard and my pill bottles were about half full. :facepalm:
 
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