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Gay male with ostomy in desperate need of support

I have had my life ruined by my Crohn's. I am gay an bottom, but I had to have my rectum removed. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child. I am still raw with pain of a broken heart and all I want to do right now is plunge a large knife into my ileostomy and twist it until I bleed to death.

That sounds really awful, I couldn't imagine being alive without being able to express my sexual nature. Is there a form of reconstructive surgery they could do for you? I mean if I can get a vagina I bet you could get a new asshole.
The only thing is here in the UK we have to survive on the seriously under funded National Health Service that just would not be able to afford something like that. Also I can not afford to go to Switzerland to have a dignified assisted suicide and you've guessed it that is illegal in the UK as the powers that be couldn't give a dam about my suffering as it is not terminal or life threatening.


Andrew welcome to the forum and a big HUG for you. I am also gay with an ostomy and completely understand the anguish. I know this is particularly hard for many gay men but you have so much life ahead of you and can enjoy life with a wonderful accepting partner and have a fulfilling sex life. Will it be exactly the same? No but there are many ways to get the satisfaction you miss through non-penetrative sex http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-penetrative_sex

I know people partnered with people with an ostomy and love can conquer the fears some may have of an ostomy. Crohn's is horrible, it's ruined my life too but I don't want to give into it, it inspires me to be the best I can be within my means. You have a lot of support here in the LGBT section and crohnsforum wide so please look around and don't be shy to ask is for help.

Have you tried the gay ostomy organization? You can call or email and they can put you in touch with UK resources and people http://www.glo-uoaa.org/

Also, I haven't signed up but saw that http://www.ostodate.com has quite a few UK gay men with Ostomies.

Also, check out these posts:

A gay mans journey with an ostomy http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=57823

Two closets - gay and lesbian Ostomates
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Staff member
Oh Andrew, I'm so sorry to hear of everything you've been going through!

Please don't give up yet sweetie, as the others have said, there are ways you can have fulfilling experiences.

I can't pretend I know much about it, I just wanted to show you my support and let you know we are here for you.

Have you spoken to any of your doctors about this? I'm not saying it's definite, but there may be some way to help.

Sorry I'm not much help here, I just wanted to add support.


Staff member
Andrew84, a lot of people have given some great advice and resources. All I can do is offer my support and to mention that these feelings may pass with time and you may very well find a way to cope. It's a long road to recovery mentally but we're all here for you.

If you want you can also get extra support here on the forum: http://www.crohnsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=77 There are many members who have spoken of suicide and even attempted (myself included) but there's more to life and we all have so much to offer this world. Counseling is also helpful with a good counselor (may have to shop around for a good one if possible). Keep us posted on how you're doing. :ghug:
So sorry to hear Andrew, I can only imagine how that must feel. I too, am gay and a bottom with undiagnosed bowel issues & I haven't really been intimate at all this year for that reason. I hope it gets better *hugs*

I am gay (60 years old and have had my ileostomy at 24 years old) and diagnosed with Crohn's disease... and have an ileostomy.
I do not have a big problem with my ileostomy.
But I am trying to find a guy (at 60 years old) and its tough like hell.
The ideal would be to find someone with a "bag"; we could understand each other at all level including sex.
So do you know any dating site in Canada for gay for people like me..