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Having a down day

I feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, hopeless, frustrated, scared, angry, depressed. there's not enough words to explain how i feel right now. I tried to get my GI appt. bumped up, but they said the standard wait time is 6 weeks....Don't really know, why, but that's what they do. My Unemployment is up today, and i just am not ready to get back to work. But, i have to....I'll try doing a night shift next week and see how it goes.....we need the money, and there's no other options for $$ because i haven't worked long enough to qualify for long term disability. :( Trying not to stress too much about money, because it will work out, we just can't move, which we really need/want to, because we're really not happy here.

And this is just messing with my 5 year plan! We were supposed to be trying for a baby right now, but i don't see that happening any time soon. :( I really just feel so angry at life right now. I'm miserable, i hate people right now. I treat dan like crap, and he doesn't deserve it. I try not too, but i think i really take things out on him. He's amazing, super supportive, but we all have our breaking point, and i feel like he's near his. I feel like our marriage is not getting a good chance to get off the ground. :( I just want to lock myself in the bathroom and not come out until this is all done, or i die in there...I know it sounds morbid, but i just stinking am tired of living. Don't worry, i'm not going to be committing suicide, but i've just had enough. I'm at the end of my ropes, but there's just nothing i can do. :(

thanks for listening, i just need to get it all off my chest. dan is really supportive and listens well, but he just hates when i talk like this and i hate when he worries, it just makes things worse for me. :depressed:
 
Cheer up Pam! You WILL get this figured out and under control, have faith. It does suck and seem like it would be easier to just stick your head in the sand sometimes and ignore it all till it goes away, but that doesnt work, Ive tried it! You have to try and stay positive as best you can. And when things do get better you will be able to look back t this and laugh and say what an exprience butI am stonger for it!

Something that helps me when Im down is to remind yourself that it could be worse! And be glad it isnt!
 
I'm sorry you are struggling so badly Pam - I hate that. You do have legitimate stuff to be upset about. I can understand the desire not to go back to work if you are still feeling really sick. And money (or lack there of) always makes things worse! Sometimes I wish we all just lived in a Utopian society (then I wake up LOL!). How much longer do you have to wait (of the 6 weeks?). Also - did you go back to your regular doctor and tell them about your really down thoughts on your other meds??
 
4 weeks left. they did bump my appt. up a bit, it was at 7 weeks, so it's on the 25th now. I went to my GP the other day, and he increased my happy pills. I have been feeling a bit better on the lower dose, just still pretty down. I do suffer from SAD, so these low moods aren't uncommon for me at this time of year, it's just extra bad right now with my other health stuff going on, and sitting around at home stewing in my own thoughts all day.

I deffinately am grateful things aren't worse, however, in a sense, i feel like if it were i wouldn't be falling through the cracks like i feel i am.
 

fenway1971

Sports Crohnie
Fog Ducker said:
Cheer up Pam! You WILL get this figured out and under control, have faith. It does suck and seem like it would be easier to just stick your head in the sand sometimes and ignore it all till it goes away, but that doesnt work, Ive tried it! You have to try and stay positive as best you can. And when things do get better you will be able to look back t this and laugh and say what an exprience butI am stonger for it!

Something that helps me when Im down is to remind yourself that it could be worse! And be glad it isnt!
Couldn't say it better myself.

Cheer up, Pam. Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. 4 weeks seems like forever but it will go by quickly. :)
 

imisspopcorn

Punctuation Impaired
Ah, Pam honey, I am so sorry. I believe there is a reason for everything...Good and bad. Just be patient and try to ride this season out. Do something special for your husband to let him know how much he is loved and needed. It will give you something to look forward to in the mean time.

(((hugs))))
 
Hey Pam, so sorry you are feeling like this. I understand!!!! I guess you just have to battle on and look forward to getting things sorted and feeling better. And the Meerkats of course :)

BIG ((((((HUGS))))))
 
Thanks for all the hugs. It's really therapeutic for me to write it out somehow. God doesn't give anyone anything they can't handle, right!
 
Your right Pam. He doesn't.

You said you like to write down what you feel, do the same thing in a love letter to Dan. Explain how you feel about this disease, how it has affected you and how much it means to you to have him beside you. Tell him how much your marriage means to you and that without it you would be lost. Dan is a special person as we can tell by your words here and you both are lucky to have each other.
I have an easier time telling Janis by writing down the words than I do speaking them.
 
Wow what incredieble stress!! I think stress is the biggest enemy of them all. It is so tough to be dealing with the wait of the office visit but having worries about money and work make it so much worse. I wish I could take it away for you. Take one day at a time and try asking the Doctor's office if you could be put on a "cancellation list". In the event someone cancels you may be called to fill the spot. I has worked wonders for me in the past. Hang in there what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!!!!!!
Oh I love the writing idea. I used to do that as well.
 
Great idea Pirate!!
Im the same, I seem to be able to express what I want to better when I take the time to think about it and write it out.

Mel thats is also a good idea, cancellation list.
 
Thanks again everyone, i will have to write Dan a little love letter.
i called today, and they say i have to wait 6 weeks after the colonoscopy, for whatever ridonculous reason, before a follow up. :( So, my appt. is on the 25th...seems like so long!
It's bad right now, i just want to vomit, and tear my guts out so bad. i almost crapped my pants in line at the grocery store, and then finally got to the bathroom with only one stall, which i occupied for about 20 minutes, while at least 5 people came, waited, and left....one of whom was waiting outside for me to finish. I wanted to yell out "I'm gonna be a while". And, thank the good lord i had wet wipes on me, because there was no freaking TP!! :(
 
I remember not being able to hold it and I folowed a guy in who grabbed the only stall, so I grabbed some paper tpwel (than god there was some and not those stupid dryers) and used the urinal! Thank god no one else came in at that moment!
 
Fog Ducker said:
I remember not being able to hold it and I folowed a guy in who grabbed the only stall, so I grabbed some paper tpwel (than god there was some and not those stupid dryers) and used the urinal! Thank god no one else came in at that moment!
lol....oh man it was funny to read that, I've done the same thing! wow so there are other people out there like me.....I thought I had the worst luck/health in the world, Im so glad I joined this. I have some really bad horror stories that even I laugh at, I've got a pretty sick sense of humor.
 
i was thanking God that nobody else was in there when i walked in.....we don't have urinals, ;), and the second toilet was beyond nasty....near overflowing, with poop, paper, the whole works in it....And had there been someone in there, i actually would have used it.
 
Oh Pam Big ((HUGS)) for you honey. It is hard but you will get there just have to keep your chin up and know that. Im feeling a bit lost too at the moment I thankful I have been diagnosed but just can't seem to get it under control I got a couple of week being good then get sick again for a week. The meds just don't seem to be working or I have a reaction to them. I feel for my poor hubby as you do for yours and I know Im mean to him sometimes but he is only trying to help. I feel like is this what our life is going to be like we have only been married for six months and man those six months have been our hardest over the last ten years. Im thankful I have him and don't know where I would be without him. I think the love letter is an excellent idea of telling Dan how you feel bout everything. I know I have broken down a few times with Jamie and it all has come out you don't know how great it felt to tell him how I was feeling bout are life including (love life) how I felt like I have let him down and providing no life for him. He was great and made me feel so much better. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I too have a plan maybe not 5 years ;) but we were going to start a family mid of this year but that has totally gone out the window even if I manage to get into remission anytime soon I need to make sure I can maintain it as I seriously could not look after myself and a little one and I couldn't expect Jamie to look after us all while providing for us as well. Im just trying to take each day as it comes knowing that I will get there it will just take time. Like you said God doesn't give us more then we can handle and I see this as something that will only make us a stronger and more compassionate person.
Good luck Darl Im thinking of you and hoping you can get some answers soon from your GI. Poor thing having to wait six weeks after your colonoscopy... have they tried you on any steriods yet to see if they help?
Oh and vomiting wise do you vomit a bit or just feel like you need to vomit?
 
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