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Hello. New to the forums.

Kittenz999

Kittenz999

My fiance has severe crohns disease that began to get worse towards the beginning of our relationship and i'm hoping to meet new friends here who are either in the same situation as him or myself. I've been doing my best to take care of him the best i can, but always wish i could do more. I hate seeing him in pain and i have some concerns. I know that he will probably need some kind of pain meds for the rest of his life (hopefully not). It scares me that he could get physically addicted to them. I love him so much and want to support him in all ways i can. He has told me in the past he doesn't want me to leave him because he's sick (i always try to reassure him that i won't). I've always stayed by his side for all his ER visits, GI appointments and week long hospital stays. He's truly an amazing person, but when he's in pain pushes me away or is hard to tolerate at times. I try to be as understanding as possible when it comes to that. Our sex life is also much less active than it was in the first month of our relationship. Alot of the time he just has a low sex drive lately. Is this normal for people with crohns? I try to not let it bother me, but at the sane time it makes me feel insecure and undesirable and blame myself because i feel as if he just doesn't want me. It's really starting to make me depressed and feel not good enough. I'm nor sure if its the crohns in general, the pain or some other issue. Is this a common problem? If so, how do you handle it? Would hormone injections help?
Sorry for all the dumb questions. My fiance thought it would be good for me to come on here and get to know everyone and not be scared to ask questions.
 
Ribo

Ribo

Speaking as a guy, I can assure you it has nothing to do with you being less attractive to him.

During a Crohn's flare, your fiancé probably feels pain, discomfort, bloating, and fatigue. I know speaking for myself that sex frankly isn't high up on the list of activities, when your number one priority is finding a comfortable position to lay in. It's just the way it is so,e times, and you're doing yourself a disservice if you take it personally. It has zero to do with you and everything to do with the disease.

Also, I can say with certainty the Prednisone doesn't help!

There's a forum specifically for family members of sufferers - check http://www.crohnsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=90 I think - for folks specifically in your situation that can probably give better advice than mine.

Welcome, good luck and hang in there!
 
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nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Welcome Kitten and thanks for being such a loving and supportive fiancé. It's hard to go for all these tests and appointments and nice to have someone by your side through it all.

As for his attitude or desire to have sex, unfortunately the pain and fatigue of this illness renders many of us out of it, sometimes grumpy and doesn't let us be our normal selves. Don't ever take it personally. He obviously loves you and doesn't want you to leave him, he just needs space sometimes and probably won't be too physical as long as he is flaring.
 
DJW

DJW

Forum Monitor
Hi Kittenz. I'm so glad he has a loving caring person to be with him through all this. Please don't take what's happening personally. IBD leaves you physically, emotionally and mentally drained. Depression is very common with IBD and can zap what little energy and desire that the disease doesn't take. He is lucky to have you. Best wishes.
 
Kittenz999

Kittenz999

Thank you for your answers. It makes me feel better about the situation. I'm mainly concerned because this has been going on for 9 months of our 10 month relationship and from what i've been reading that's a long time for a typical flare. He had surgery in june to fix a blockage, and we were hoping it would make him feel better and we could have a normal life together with a normal sex life and him snapping at me less... But now we're worried that the surgery didn't do any more than cause him more pain and half of our income while he can't work. We're beginning to think there is some kind of other problem going on that all the doctors are missing. I'm trying to stay positive for him and my own sanity, but it's hard.
 
C

CaseyC

He's very lucky to have someone supportive. Unfortunately a flare up can continue for a long time, in my case it's been 4 years with only a 9 month period of remission while I was pregnant. And to answer your question the sex drive is basically nil when we're flaring. It's practically the last thing on our minds, but it has nothing to do with our significant others. Again, he's lucky you're so supportive. Yes, it's tough, but him just knowing you care probably means a whole lot to him.
 
Kittenz999

Kittenz999

Thanks. I'll try to be less hard on myself about it.. I guess he saw my post because we had a talk this morning before i left for work and i feel a bit better about it. The past 9 months proves i love him for him even if we dont do muh sexually. I just miss the closeness i felt when we were more sexually active and at age 23 i've never been with a man who was never in the mood.. It was usually me lol. So it felt like i was being rejected.
 
Kittenz999

Kittenz999

It's just so frustrating knowing that he has all the control over our sex life and i can't do a thing about it. We're 22 and 23 and in the first year of our relationship and i already feel old and like we've been together so long he's getting tired of me. I've tried surprising him with things to try to get him in the mood, but it makes me feel worse when i try so hard and he stops me and says, "not now" or "i'll try tomorrow," like we need some kind of appointment for it. I try not to complain about it too much to him, but he knows it disappoints me... I just don't want to constantly make him feel worse about because i know he already feels bad. I don't expect it to be everyday like it was in our first month together, but once a week would be nice. I don't feel like that's alot to ask for. In the beginning of iur relationship i remember him mentioning he had never gone a month without it, but we have... More than once. It kind of makes me feel more like there's something wrong with me if i'm the first person he has been with that he's like this with.
 
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