I'm so sorry that you're poorly right now
I can tell you though, surgery isn't as scary as you will be imagining it to be. The hospitals are really good at controlling your pain
With my surgery, I do not remember feeling pain once, and that is the honest truth. The most pain I remember is having gas pains for the air they pump you with, but chances are that you had that before anyway
Even the scar doesn't look so bad, and mine was open, so it's fairly long. The first few days might be rough, but I don't remember much from them and every day improved so much from the previous day.
Surgery has improved some people's lives greatly, but for others they might not be so lucky. I personally don't regret my surgery. I know that it could come back at any time, but that is the nature of our illness. If you're anxious or worried about upcoming surgery, please talk to your doctor about it. So many healthcare professionals often neglect how our mental health and happiness is knocked by a lot of the things we have to go through and it's important to discuss your fears and concerns with them.
I'm so sorry that you recently lost your dad too. I wish you all the best and I really hope that surgery greatly improves your quality of life, like it has done for many. I hope you can get your disease back into remission.