How do you do it?

[n00b]

Hi all
I have been in and around the forums for a while now but never visted this section.

I have been having a bit of a bad time with my crohns over recent years/months but like all of us I try to keep my head raised high, stay positive and try to enjoy life the best I can.

I have 2 beautiful sons, one 4 and the second has just turned 1. They are the most beautiful things in my life and I love them dearly.

I get so incredibly scared that one day they will develop this awful disease because of me.
I have a hard enough job dealing with the fact I have this disease and the thought of having to deal with the fact my children have it because of my screwed up genetics terrifies me.
I really don't know how I would be able to cope with the blame and seeing them go through it.
All I want is for them to have happy, healthy lives, i would gladly take on all their aliment myself to safe them from

How do you guys deal with it, I admire you courage and strength and if it ever does happen I hope I can find the strength to see them through it.

Here i am, a 37 year old 'very' male ex international sportsman pouring my heart out on a forum......oooh how times have changed.:ylol:

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

I do not have children of my own. But, I can say that we do have some wonderful parents on here. I think I can say the same for everyone here on the forum. All you can do is take one day at a time. If that day comes, you'll somehow deal with it and if it does come you won't be alone. Please keep us updated on you and your little ones. Sending hugs your way.

 

[DustyKat]

Hey n00b,

There are some parents and parents with partners that have IBD here. Neither my partner nor I have IBD and the only other extended family member that we know does have Crohn’s is on my husband’s side of the family. I know he carries the guilt and so feels many things far more acutely than I do.

I can well imagine though the heartache and despair you must feel at the thought you may have passed Crohn’s to your children. :ghug: I know it small solace to say that the chances of passing this on is only about 10% because if it does indeed happen that 10% means nothing. Your children were borne out of love and that is the greatest gift of all, nothing can ever change that, Crohn’s doesn’t that and now that you have them and see the wonder of it all would you change anything? I don’t think so.

Should the unthinkable happen then if there is one positive to come out of it, and it is a biggie, it will be that your child has a parent and an advocate that has an insight into exactly what they are going through and that is something many of us don’t possess. Of course the downside is that you will likely feel and experience things far more acutely than a non IBD parent does but in doing so it also gives you a greater depth of understanding and empathy and that can only be a good thing for your child.

I hope with all my heart this is one club you never become a member of but don’t sell yourself short dad, I have no doubt in my mind that not only will you cope if it comes to that but you will find a strength and courage you never imagined you possessed. After all, I doubt you would have reached the heights of an international sportsman if you didn’t possess strength, courage, tenacity and an ability to not only face but overcome your fears.

Good luck n00b and I have everything crossed that I never have to welcome you here! :ybiggrin:

Dusty. xxx

 

[n00b]

Thank you so much Dusty, that is a really lovely reply and it does make alot of sense.
I am learning with this disease to not cross bridges until you come to them so I am trying to implement this idea also.

Thanks again.

I see you are form Oz (I wont mention the Cricket), I love Australia and would love some of that Cape Tribulation sunshine on my back right now

 

[Farmwife]

Hugs to you and your boys.

If I've learned anything in my thirty plus years is that we all suffer from something.
Some struggles are apparent and some are hidden. But we all have them.
I pray for Grace that the hardships of today will bring strength tomorrow.

 

[Jmrogers4]

Hi n00b,
Well I don't have Crohn's but my husband and son do. Like you we have 2 incredible sons they are a little older then yours 14 and 12 and our oldest fell into that 10%.
While we of course wish he did not have crohn's I will tell what we perceive as the positive.
He was diagnosed quickly when the symptoms arose, as we were also pretty quick to bring it to GP's attention. Testing happened right away for crohn's instead of what many on here have endured of lots of misdiagnosis, it's all in their heads, or IBS. Thus allowing him to get treatment quickly.
We knew what we were dealing with there wasn't a big a learning curve. Unlike many we had heard of Crohn's and knew all about it. We knew what can help a flare.
We were able to jump right in at school and get him the support he needed there and really able to explain what was needed.
My son has support from someone "who gets it" right here at home. It has strengthened their bond even more, so important especially as a teen he has someone to talk to about anything and all bodily issues
The medicines now are so much more effective then when my husband was first diagnosed so imagine as he grows into an adult and has children of his own how much more effective that medicine will be (or hopefully even a cure). Hubby had several surgeries and abscesses right after diagnosis (at 25) he was on Asacol and then Pentasa for the first 10-12 years as that is pretty much what was out there. He has been on Imuran for the last 8 years and has remained in remission that time.
For Jack while he definitely has his "why me" moments for the most part takes it all in stride and didn't have the scary what does this mean that a lot of kids have. He had watched his dad have a pretty normal life even if sometimes he couldn't go do something with us because his "tummy hurt" or couldn't eat that because it would make his "tummy hurt".
I know the fear will still be there and I hope it never comes to pass but if it does you will step up and offer support, advice and still be a wonderful father and become an even bigger hero because he will know what it's like to live with Crohn's.
Hugs to you and your boys.

 

[Axelfl3333]

Hi noob,don,t worry about your children I,m sure they will be fine.
Crohns like a lot of other chronic medical conditions is getting a lot of money flung at it ,some will stick!meantime you have to take care of yourself don,t stress,don,t feel guilty it's a disease that is no one,s fault,it's not lifestyle related,it's just a dumb illness we,ve caught and have to learn to adapt to.try to remember it is controllable with medication some minor diet changes but for all that it's a pain of a condition.listen to your drs look after yourself and look forward to good times with your boys.all the best,good luck
P.s highly recommend scalextrix and a train sets for your boys and your only 37 you can play to!

 

[my little penguin]

Things to remember there are many many things in parenting you have a hard time imagining ( going to work after being puked on and staying up all night etc..)
I can't know how my son feels I can only guess so having someone who went through it is a blessing.
Asthma and allergies run in the family .
Having that adult perspective when the kids were 2 and 3 really helped them.
It aslo helped tons when they could take their meds just like DH.

Not that I would wish crohn's or asthma on anyone having a btdt before thing could be helpful.

 

[Brian'sMom]

I personally know 2 men who have crohns and their children do not. So I hope that for your boys. It runs in my husbands family and out of a large family only my son and his aunt have it. Thank you for your kind words. I wish I knew what my son's pain felt like. I think I could help him more if I could feel it too.