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How often do you cry?

Lately, it seems like 2-3 times a day for me. Every time my hubby says "i feel bad for you, i wish i could do something" i break down, every time he does any housework i cry and say i should be helping (not that he shouldn't pitch in, but he's working full time and doing 90% of the housework while i lay around, doesn't seem right), i feel like i'm just a wreck! I've always been pretty quick to cry, i'm super emotional. I'm taking an antidepressant, but i'm wondering if it might be time to up the dosage? i also have a lot of death thoughts....Maybe i'm dying, things would be better if i died, etc.....Not that i want to, nor would i end my own life, but i do worry about these thoughts.

And, this has turned less into a question and more into a vent...Oops!
 
I wouldn't necessarily jump to uping your dosage, but maybe you just need some counseling to help sort your feelings?
 
Pam, when I was first DX I admit, I cried also. The feeling of not be there for your spouse in the every day life is terrible. I would get that way because I couldn't work up enough energy to go out and play with the boys, couldn't coach thier Little League games, couldn't even go out to mow the lawn. Janis was being both mom and dad and I hated it. I had thoughts of what if all the time. I still have "death thoughts" at times. Not like when I first got DX but still think about what this monster is doing to my body that I can't feel and if I'm going to live many more years because of it.
Do what you can on your good days to show your hubby what he means to you for all the help and support he gives you. You will have weeks that will be great so take advantage of them.
I also agree with Nessa about the counciling. Whether it be professional or thru a clergyman as long as you talk to someone. Have you talked to your hubby about it. If not, do it. He could be your best ear to bend. Janis has been for me.

Good luck and keep us posted on how your feeling
 

Jennifer

Adminstrator
Staff member
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Counseling would help and so would doing something that gets your mind off of the sadness, lack of energy, pain or anything that's keeping you down. Arts and crafts, writing, reading, playing games, hobbies like putting together a fish tank (have your husband help you change the water), set up nights or days to hang out with friends (at your house) or make more friends online etc. You may not feel like doing any of these but once you start, it's hard to stop. :)
 
Let the doctor who prescribed you the antidepressant your feelings. Antidepressents can have the opposite effect sometimes and you need to catch it. I was in a similar situation with antidepressants, I began by thinking the world would be better off if I was dead and it turned into me holding a knife against my throat. Later, I came up with a plan to drive my car into a river. Thank the Lord that I didn't do any of that but you may want to consider therapy, especially cognitive therapy, to help you out.

I'm praying for you
 

Crohn's 35

Inactive Account
Wow Tamesis my husband says the same thing and wishes he could take over of the pain. I dont cry as often maybe once a month now, usually pmsing. I have thought maybe I shouldnt be here so I am not a burden to anyone but then they would be lost without me. Both my husband and I are miracle babies, my mom had German Measles in her first trimester and decided to have me anyways. My husband's father was sterile for 15 years and poof came my husband, so we are grateful for each other and love each other for better or for worse. Take it easy, there are good times ahead I promise.
 
Everyones advice so far is excellent, especially about talking to your husband, venting to him and just telling him how much you apreciate him and how you feel. Im sure he doesnt even think twice about it, and he feel just as bad for you as you feel for him having to do all the work.
I think everyone has those typeof thoughts at some point or another, I know I still get them every now and again. Just remember that it wont always be like this, thing will get better, I promise.
 
I don't cry. I have issues with crying. Guess I'm just different.

Sounds to me like you are having normal feelings dealing with a chronic disease diagnosis. It is okay to cry, you have a reason. :)
 

imisspopcorn

Punctuation Impaired
Pam, you are probably just grieving over your poor health and lack of diagnosis. Definitely talk to the doctor who prescribes your antidepressant. Like Jeff said, it can have the opposite effect in some people.......

I use to really be a cryer....especially when I was in my early 20's. Now I just get down right angry..

Feel better:)
 
Last edited:
Hi Pam, sorry to hear you are feeling like this!

I hardly ever cry. And I don't think that's a good thing. I feel super sad but can't cry. When you cry your body is releasing all sorts of yucky emotional stuff, so please if you need to cry, do so and don't feel bad about it.

However, feeling really down is no fun. I wondered if you only recently started the antidepressants? Because the SSRI ones (prozac family) can take a while to kick in. I didn;t notice a difference for about 3-4 weeks and then I realised I didn't feel so sad anymore.

Also, talking is goo, even if it is on here - we all understand!

(((HUGS)))))
 
Thanks so much for your kind words everyone. I try to talk to Dan about it, it's hard because he hates when i cry, and just wants to make the world better for me. He really understands how i feel, and is there for me, but at the same time i think is dealing with similar feelings.....anger, frustration, sadness, and trying not to project them on me. He really is great, sometimes overly optimistic though, which just frustrates me more.

I'm trying to make myself do things, even though i don't feel up to it. I've gotten up, showered, dressed, and gone out two days in a row now. Just to friends places to visit, other people drove, nothing that took too much energy, but got me out of the house. I have to force myself though, because what i really want to do is curl up in a ball, turn off my phones, and stay in my jammies all day!

i've been on the antidepressants for about 6 weeks now. I am doing better than i was, things were REALLY bad when he first put me on them, but i'm still not great. However, i think as has been said, this is a situational thing and i probably won't get 100% better emotionally until things are figured out a little. i do have a history of depression and suicide attempts in the past though, which is i think why i worry about my thoughts getting out of control, and why the doc. started me on them in the first place.

thanks again for all your kind thoughts....i see my doc on tuesday and will chat with him then. I'll look into counselling...I've had issues with different counsellors in the past though, i really struggle to find one i can really confide in and feel comfortable talking too, and then just when i start to open up i seem to pull away and stop going. :(
 
There's just so many signs leading to an IBD, i don't know how they don't see them.Maybe i want to see them, because it means an answer?

I mean, i've been sick four times in as many months - UTI, sinus infection, strep, and bronchitis. i've got the gut stuff.....Not always D, and not losing weight, but not everyone has those. The depression, the skinny poops, the color of the stool, i can go on and on! frustrating i tell ya!
 
Tamesis, although I certainly cannot consider myself the poster boy for antidepressants, they can sometimes take as long as 8 weeks to get to a therapeutic level. The doc may need to increase it or even possibly supplement what the first med is not currently able to do. If you are having trouble remembering when to take them you may want to get a daily pill holder. With my inability to remember or focus on some days I mix up times or forget to take them which of course is no help at all.

As far as crying, I am a firm believer in the mind, body, soul connection and if sickness,sadness,or stress is not allowed out, it WILL manifest itself in some other usually more painful manner. Be aware of the frequency of the dark thoughts as it may be that this particular pill is not the right one for you and may actually cause the symptoms to get worse. Good luck and be a strong advocate for yourself with your doc.
 
Hey kid, I cried today after I pooped my pants in the park. The pooping pants bit isn't the issue, it's the being useless, cancelling days out, letting the kids down, my husband picking up the flack for everything - financially and in terms of running the family....

So, totally feelng it. For me antidepressants aren't a direction I want to go, I think a bit of snot and tears now and then does me good - let's it all out. Makes a change from letting "It" all out of my butt...

I hope you get the support you need and I am thinking of you x
 
Creepy - I just dig your sense of humor ;o)

I *love* what Jerman said Tamesis - all of it. I think it is right on. I would definitely talk to whomever prescribed the antidepressants and tell them about the thoughts you are having asap. I mean - this is one of the things they always talk about on the commercials for the drugs when you see them. Not something to play around with.

As for crying - I typically only cry when things are really really really bad. We had a sh!tty incident happen on the forum back in....I think it was November. It made me soooo depressed. I'm not really the depressive type. I cried for almost three days straight, couldn't stop crying. My Mom finally came over and said some things that really pissed me off - and BOOM - I stopped crying and "got over it". That is how *I* work. Probably nothing like how you work though. You have reasons to feel the way you do right now. I'm hoping these reasons will pass or at least get more manageable as time passes. The only other things that can make me cry "for no reason" are meds like steroids - I'll cry in the grocery store or wherever for no reason on roids sometimes. AND...if I'm really sick, like running a fever - oh baby - look out! I'm likely to start crying like a baby for no reason. THAT is when I know - I...am...sick. Maybe some of what you are going through is from that as well. I hope you feel better soon ((hugs))!!
 
Thanks everyone, everything you've said does make sense. I'm going to talk to the doc. Tuesday for sure. I think i just feel like everything is piling up, just when one thing seems to start to improve, everything else seems to go in the crapper. I was having trouble taking the meds on time, but i went and got one of those med keepers, it has seven days, morn, noon, eve, bed, so i put them in there once a week and it's easier to remember if i've taken them or not, plus i leave them on the coffee table so if i have a drink i'm like oh yeah, meds. :p

Thank you again, i really appretiate all the support. it's nice to hear these feelings are fairly normal. i think the not sleeping deffinately makes things soo much worse too.
 

imisspopcorn

Punctuation Impaired
Creepy Lurker said:
I actually thought back to the last time I cried. It's about 10 years ago. I'm an empty husk of a person.

:cries:

...

Yay!
Here's a tissue Creepy....

tamesis I hope you get some good sleep.
 
Hi Tam.. Im very similar too you Im a very sensitive and emotional person and tend to cry at the drop of a hat.. ha..ha.. well not as much now as I used to when I was younger. But I can tell you I have had my fair share of crying before and after getting diagnosed. Even now that Im diagnosed and getting treatment I still have my days when Im feeling down and just want to cry because Im not sure the drugs are working or Im feeling like crap etc. I do think it helps talking to someone I had thought about a councillor but havent done anything bout it yet.. my chiro funny enough her best friend has crohns too and has struggled for many years with it and having kids etc. She has spoken to her friend and give me her number if I want to catch up for coffee just to chat and talk face to face with some one else that has this terrible disease. I haven't talk to her yet but am considering it just to get all this stuff I have bottled up out and for the person to hear what I have to stay to be able to actually relate to it. I do speak with my hubby and family all the time bout it but its just not the same they can't fully relate to being this sick all the time and having a disease that feel like a weight on your shoulders for the rest of your life. Sorry Im sounding very depressing now.. all I wanted to say hang in there we all know how it feels. Hope you get some answers soon.
 
Creepy Lurker said:
I actually thought back to the last time I cried. It's about 10 years ago. I'm an empty husk of a person.

:cries:

...

Yay!
Just pointing out I have a man crush on creepy.

Anyways it's been a little while since I've cried but I've had a few breakdowns. Good that you're at least acknowledging and talking about it. That's the hardest part.
 

merrywidow

mum with a dogdy tum
i cry at soppy films . i rarely get to watch a film all the way through as i find sitting still for 90 mins impossilable. i also cry at the milestones my son is making knowing that my husband is missing them.
 
Jeff D. said:
Let the doctor who prescribed you the antidepressant your feelings. Antidepressents can have the opposite effect sometimes and you need to catch it. I was in a similar situation with antidepressants, I began by thinking the world would be better off if I was dead and it turned into me holding a knife against my throat. Later, I came up with a plan to drive my car into a river. Thank the Lord that I didn't do any of that but you may want to consider therapy, especially cognitive therapy, to help you out.

I'm praying for you

Sorry to hear that Jeff. And sorry to the OP for her sadness. But I agree about the antidepressant having the opposite effect. Definitely talk to your docs about how you feel. CBT may help. I, too, have been having crying spells over the last month or two. And I am off to the shrink (two of them) on Monday for some CBT and some mood stabilizers. I hope that you can get the help you need.
 

Crohn's 35

Inactive Account
drew_wymore said:
Just pointing out I have a man crush on creepy.

:eek2:

Anyways it's been a little while since I've cried but I've had a few breakdowns. Good that you're at least acknowledging and talking about it. That's the hardest part.

:eek2:
 
It's good to cry now and then. have to release the emotions otherwise
they build up inside like a volcano holding out for that big eruption.
for whatever reason, society likes to determine that crying is a sign of weakness,
but it isn't. Some studies have even shown that men die earlier than women
because they don't get the emotional release that women do.
Obviously if you're crying ever day, that is different. But every now and
then when things get bad, it is perfectly natural. God created tear ducts for a reason!
 
tamesis...I too have always been emotional. I have a feeling its connected to my recent flare & diagnosis. Like I have posted before, I cried like a baby when they told me it was crohns...And I still cry....Its overwhelming...expecially when you see the trials and tribs some of the fellow crohnies go through..I take anti depressents, it helps..but. I still get overwhelmed...Sue ((((hugs))))
 
Pam I had a good long cry today . Just the thoughts of going thru anxiety attacks and panic attacks again after all these years scares the heck out of me. Some times the emotions can be so overwhelming that it takes someone you love to be able to get you out of it. But a good cry helps get things going in the right direction.
 
I'm crying right now :( But my mum gave me a big hug and made it all better.. for now anyway. Can't wait for my hubby to get home tonight.
 
I've been crying at least once a day since being on the steroids. They have really made me weepy, but I do feel a bit better afterwards.
 
Pirate said:
Pam I had a good long cry today . Just the thoughts of going thru anxiety attacks and panic attacks again after all these years scares the heck out of me. Some times the emotions can be so overwhelming that it takes someone you love to be able to get you out of it. But a good cry helps get things going in the right direction.


Greg, I do not mean to be too personal but did you have issues with anxiety and panic attacks before you had crohns or was that an additional perk? The reason I ask is that i never had these issues before but now they are paramount and often rule the course of the day. anything that helps you during these episodes?
 
Jerman said:
Greg, I do not mean to be too personal but did you have issues with anxiety and panic attacks before you had crohns or was that an additional perk? The reason I ask is that i never had these issues before but now they are paramount and often rule the course of the day. anything that helps you during these episodes?
Jerman, I never had any problems with anxiety or panic attacks until after gettting diagnosed with Crohn's, specifically until I started Entocort. I started seeing a counselor who has helped me tremendously. Lavender is prolly the best thing in the world when it comes to my panic attacks. Its very calming, I went and got a million lavender things to put around my house! LOL I might have went a little extreme, but hey it helps me ALOT! She also taught me a breathing excersise, sit with both feet on the ground, take a breath (and always breathe with your stomach and not your chest..easiest way to make sure you're doing that is to put one hand on your chest, one on your stomach..move the hand on your stomach), hold it for a second and imagine a bright ball of light on your head (its all of your anxiety), breathe out and imagine the ball going all the way through your body, leaving through your feet, push all the anxiety out.

Last week when I saw her she taught me a tapping thing. Its too long to post here, but it helps as well. She said alot of soldiers with PTSD who have panic attacks swear by it. If you'd like I can get my paper out tomorrow and type it up and send it to you.

I know what you are going through, it was running my life for the last couple of months, but I'm making HUGE progress. I'm also cheating though and taking .25mg of Xanax in the morning. I'm allowed 3 a day and I only take one, so I think I'm doing pretty good. Also try distracting yourself and keeping busy, those 2 things seem to help me the most.

Sorry this turned out so long, but I hope it helps you somehow. And maybe Greg will have some more ideas that will help us both!! :) I'm tired of it trying to take over my life, Crohn's does that enough on its own!!

Good Luck!!
 
I cried on the way home from the Crohns & Colitis U of M seminar a couple of days ago. I was so overwhelmed with info. Being a newbie, all the complications are frightening. I thing I cried for me and everyone afflicted with IBD. I keep thinking the pharmacudical companies need to seet he $$$ they can make before they really take a vested interest. Sue
 
I'm with pretty much everyone else here--a good cry is necessary sometimes but if it gets too often and you feel like you are walking on eggshells it is time to talk to both the doc that prescribed you anti-depressants as well as get some counseling.

I unfortunately don't cry much, which means I end up holding it in until everything boils over and then I cry about every single thing that has been bothering me. The bad thing is that keeping these feelings inside makes these emotional outbursts pretty unpredictable. Someone at work asked me the other day, "So how are you doing?" which is an innocent question and I started bawling like a baby when I answered, "fine. I mean not fine.... You know, I just can't do as much around here as I'd like lately". I had a particularly bad morning that day (pain and went to the bathroom 8 times before I even got to work) but I felt that was no excuse. I really felt like an idiot for crying in front of a coworker but, oh well.
 
Yesterday, when my Rheumatoligist told me I would die a terrible death with Crohn's if I didn't try a new medication. Then again today when my GI told me the other Dr. didn't know what he was talking about. It is so frustrating to get so much conflicting info and be expected to make a life-altering decision on the drop of a hat!
 

farm

Captain Insaneo
Mountaingem said:
Yesterday, when my Rheumatoligist told me I would die a terrible death with Crohn's if I didn't try a new medication. Then again today when my GI told me the other Dr. didn't know what he was talking about. It is so frustrating to get so much conflicting info and be expected to make a life-altering decision on the drop of a hat!
Hey Gem, welcome by the way :) Wow, you must have a really ignorant Rheumatologist! Trust your GI on this issue. There are a ton of treatments for Crohns, I'm sure he/she will find one that works for you.
 
Nic said:
Jerman, I never had any problems with anxiety or panic attacks until after gettting diagnosed with Crohn's, specifically until I started Entocort. I started seeing a counselor who has helped me tremendously. Lavender is prolly the best thing in the world when it comes to my panic attacks. Its very calming, I went and got a million lavender things to put around my house! LOL I might have went a little extreme, but hey it helps me ALOT! She also taught me a breathing excersise, sit with both feet on the ground, take a breath (and always breathe with your stomach and not your chest..easiest way to make sure you're doing that is to put one hand on your chest, one on your stomach..move the hand on your stomach), hold it for a second and imagine a bright ball of light on your head (its all of your anxiety), breathe out and imagine the ball going all the way through your body, leaving through your feet, push all the anxiety out.

Last week when I saw her she taught me a tapping thing. Its too long to post here, but it helps as well. She said alot of soldiers with PTSD who have panic attacks swear by it. If you'd like I can get my paper out tomorrow and type it up and send it to you.

I know what you are going through, it was running my life for the last couple of months, but I'm making HUGE progress. I'm also cheating though and taking .25mg of Xanax in the morning. I'm allowed 3 a day and I only take one, so I think I'm doing pretty good. Also try distracting yourself and keeping busy, those 2 things seem to help me the most.

Sorry this turned out so long, but I hope it helps you somehow. And maybe Greg will have some more ideas that will help us both!! :) I'm tired of it trying to take over my life, Crohn's does that enough on its own!!

Good Luck!!
Thanks Nic I appreciate your sharing this. Please let me know more about the "tapping thing" I think I read about that a while back but can't remember what it is called.
 
Jerman said:
Greg, I do not mean to be too personal but did you have issues with anxiety and panic attacks before you had crohns or was that an additional perk? The reason I ask is that i never had these issues before but now they are paramount and often rule the course of the day. anything that helps you during these episodes?
Jerman, I had a few before being diagnosed, but they really became real frequent after I had been on prednisone and a host of other meds for quite some time. They basicly disappeared after I went into remission and was off all meds.
I could feel them coming on and when I was at work I would be a wreck and had to go home a few times. When they happened at home I would let Janis know that they were coming and I would go to the bed room, close the door and curtains and just basicly ride them out. Janis would keep the boys quiet for about an hour and than come sit with me and talk me through the last little bit. Something about the tone of her voice just seem to ease the attacks. I tried one medicine, can't remember what it was, but I didn't like the why it affected how I felt.
I've been a lot of years without them and when they started up again last year I really became depressed. I also think that depression can trigger them so maybe with all you have been through could be the reason you are having them.
Try to just find a place to be by yourself for a little bit and just ride it out.

Good luck Jerman, I know how it is ruling your life and I hope that you can get them under control like I did.
 
Jer, Nic has some great exercises there that sound better than what I did. I did do the breathing exercise. Been so long ago (back in 87-89) since I first had these that I had forgotten about the breathing. Xanax was the med I was on for them but like I said I didn't like how they made me feel.
I think the lavender would be just the thing for you. just kiddin. But if it helps what the heck, it would be worth it.
The anxiety has slowed down as of late so I have my fingers crossed that it was just a reaction to being depressed about this last flare.
 
Cried twice already today:( Sometimes the pain is just unbearable, makes your eyes water even if you dont cry!
 
Hugs to you Jo. When we are in pain there isn't much more you can do than curl up in a ball and have a good cry. I'm not ashamed to say that I have many times over the last 24 yrs.
 
Everyday, but it's been slowly getting worse so I think I'm getting depressed again. Feeling low about myself and my life isn't healthy and I want to feel like my old self again :(
 
I'm really sorry to hear how tough it has been on you... and everyone else and their stories. I don't have any other advice to offer that hasn't already been said.

I used to not be a crier. It takes A LOT to get these water works turned on. Then, just yesterday my husband came upstairs to check on me and I guess I looked a little pathetic. (I had just got up from laying on our heated floor since the heat feels so good on my tummy.) He starting joking around with me and I just got teary eyed. He knew then something was wrong so he wrapped me up in his arms and I just sobbed as he held me. I don't think he's ever seen me cry like that.

We live by humor in our house and that does really help a lot. He wrote in my card today that I had to promise to never cry like that again! lol

**group hug**
 
Wow. I thought I was the only one. I used to only cry at funerals. Now I cry about 4 times a week over the smallest thing. I can just see a sad story on the news and just burst into tears. IT'S CRAZY!!!
 
I see nearly all posts here are from women and children. Maybe guys don't like to admit it, but I freely admit that the fatigue, worry and anxiety, plus feelings of uselessness, have me weeping almost hysterically during a bad time. The new SSRI drugs just screw up my stomach and my head so only tried those briefly. Thinking about tranquilisers because those are the only things that stop the spasticity in the digestive muscles and improve my mental outlook. This is all with terrific support from my wife and family.

The point of all this venting is to say that crying is a big release. That is precisely why we have the instinct to do it. Boo hoo! Let it out. Probably best in private.
 
Since being diagnosed i have cried when i was having a bad "sick day",after every doctor visit and test. Because i have had no relief in the last year and half. But now that the tests are over and its 100 percent definitive and im about to start a new medicine. I feel like its gonna get better. At first i would cry all the time because i just wished i had "worms" :D
 
I'm a 48 year old man and I just had my 3rd colonoscopy done the day before yesterday for a confirmation of crohns. Big positive on that and I also have a fistula going between my bladder and rectum. I'm also a have heart issues (6 stents, working on 43% heart function). I've been ok emotion wise till yesterday. I just lost it and started balling about anything and everything. I feel so bad for my wife who does everything since I'm normally too busy keeping the couch from floating up and hitting the ceiling. I've been getting thoughts of how much better she would be without dealing with all my shit. she thinks it's from the drugs they put me under with that started me feeling this way. All I know is that I've been an emotional wreak these last couple days. I used to be pretty active with riding motorcycles and driving, going to jobs (contractor) and seeing friends. Very social person, now I just don't know. I do nothing but stay at home, watch tv and just float in life. I don't ride my motorcycles anymore or want to do things. At night I'll sit up and think of all the cool shit I want to do,in the morning after my toilet visits I don't want to do anything but just be blah.
Sorry if this kinda turned into a rant, seen the topic and thought yeah......I can relate to that. I'll tell you what. If god came to me and said "I'll take away either the heart problems or the crohns ," I'll keep the heart problems, take this damn crohns
 
I'm going through this now. I can't stop myself from crying. I feel bad that I don't have the energy to play with my son or do housework. I don't like myself very much right now. :(
 
My crying helped me to realise that I was suffering from a huge anxiety problem. I was never exactly happy-go-lucky, but the Crohns really kicked it off and then it seems to have become an issue all its own.

Step 1 is understanding. Now I am realising that Crohns, arthritis and anxiety are all feeding off each other in a vicious circle. Gotta break the circle, so in addition to Humira for the Crohns and Arhtritis I am taking an anti-anxiety drug which works very well (for the first two days any how) and is supposed to be non-addictive.

We have to identify and isolate the enemies before dealing with them. Its like:ghug::ghug::ghug: the old proverb about sticks in a bundle being more difficult to break. Now we are on the other side we need to unbundle the sticks and break them one by one!

Wish me luck I want to kill them all stone frigging dead..
 

CrohnsChicago

Super Moderator
I cry. I am what one might call a highly sensitive person. I cry to many things before I even realize I am reacting (anger, children's recitals, confusion, fear of the unkknown etc). And I have little to no ability to control the tears once they start coming. It's pretty embarrassing especially if I am in public or at work.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety a while ago and have found comfort/healing in behavioral therapy and mindfulness meditation. After three years of weekly/bi-weekly therapy I am now living life on my own and am in a far better place than I used to be.

But then I was diagnosed with Crohn's. I CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED. I didn't understand what it was, but what I did understand was that it was something that would affect me in many ways for the rest of my life.

When my symptoms are mild/non-existent. I am fine. But when I flare up, I can't help but shed a few tears every few days due to the physical reminders of my potential limitations.

But honestly, I have learned it's okay to cry. It's an emotional release. Your body is trying to get rid of internal stressors. These days I try not to allow myself to sit in that sadness for too long. Because life will continue to go on with or without me and I'd rather find a way to fit into it and be "healthy" and happy to the best of my ability.
 
I cry many times a day since I was DX I'm July. My husband has been doing everything. Today I was in too much pain to get out of bed. We just got married in December. I have 15 year old twin boys from a previous Horrible marriage . I get zero support from bio dad so my husband has taken a lot on. I feel guilty and useless every day. I have good days and try to make up for the days I'm not functional. My husband says the same thing. He wishes he could take the pain. Since being DX I have had thoughts that they would be better off without me. Now, reading this post I don't feel so alone. Whoever started this support group is brilliant and has truly made a huge difference in my life.
 
Every day it seems. I feel like a fraud when I am crying though because I finally had the news - after 3 years of hell and a fistula -bowel to skin - that I'm going to get my first surgery in November. For some reason I'll be driving along or something and suddenly burst into tears and can't stop. I feel I should be happy, because someone is finally doing something. I tried telling Mum how miserable I felt and she basically told me I shouldn't be because it's going to get sorted soon. The thing is I don't think it's just this disease, how utterly weary I feel about it but how I'm so scared of the future and what it will bring...
 
Gosh, I think I cried for a year.! lol Now its about once a month when I'm feeling sorry for myself and when I'm afraid. I dont know about you but there isent a day that goes by that I dont replay everthing thats happened over and over again. I've put notes up all over the house, on mirrors and such 'I'm going to have a good day' and ' your getting stronger' etc.
Its like living with a cloud over your head and always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I'm glad I found you all.. I know I'm not alone :)
 
The crying for me stopped when I increased the Humira (finally getting the Crohn's under some control although not remission) and at the same time started an anti-anxiety drug called Atarax. Between these two things the pressure on my nervous system reduced and I feel more in control. Most of us know that if we lost the disease we'd lose the depression and anxiety. Losing the anxiety doesn't stop the disease, just makes it not matter quite so much and restores hope.
 
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