hi abby,
I am a female crohn's survivor and I can relate to having a bf who told me the exact same thing...nobody else will want me as I'm too fat (chipmonk cheeks from the pred), ugly, and worthless. I put up with his emotional abuse for over a year until I found out he was cheating on me with another girl.
We finally broke up the day after my 21st birthday because I was done with his emotional/verbal and physical abuse that was starting. Yes, it hurt because
I thought he loved me but it was all about him and his stupid best friend who was constantly putting me down and calling me names I won't even post as they were disgusting. He put his best friend before me toward the end of our relationship.
I graduated from college on the Dean's list and he dropped out of college as he wasn't Mr. Bigshot like he was in high school. He was failing and I managed to push myself even after taking a semester off for surgery. I got honors and was starting my job search while he was working for someone who sold computers and smoked weed. (he use to come over smelling like pot and it made my gut sick).
So anyway, I focused on my career and volunteered for CCFA and the local ostomy chapter to keep my mind busy. Then when I was 29, I finally met a great guy (now my husband) who accepted me for me. He asked if he could attend the support groups I volunteered at so he could educate himself about Crohn's and ostomy care in case something happened to me. None of the guys I've ever dated did this for me and it put me at ease in case I got sick while being with him he'd know what to do.
He was a true gentleman during our courtship. He opened the doors, helped me clean my flat when I was sick, he cooked for me..even special meals when I was back on steroids for a short time and I had to avoid salt in my diet, and after 4 months of dating he actually saved my life. I had a full bowel obstruction and he rushed me to the ER and stayed with me until my GI came in. He told me that it's a good thing Phil brought me in as my small bowel was the size of a basketball and would've burst had I waited any longer.
We got married in 10/97. The day after Thanksgiving 1997 we put a bid in for the house we wanted and got it. At the end of Feb 1998, we moved into our
now home and couldn't be happier. We will be celebrating 15 yrs. 10/10/12.
During those years, I was hospitalized for DVTs, flare ups, surgeries, and a stroke due to a 12" clot on my brain. My husband was there every step of the way to see to it that I had what I needed to recover especially the help of his folks to take me to my PT/OT and MD appts. He put my needs ahead of his as he still does to make sure I'm healthy.
When I was recovering from the stroke, he bought me a digital camera so I could start a new hobby to keep busy and put in another phone line so I could use the computer to practice my typing and to keep in touch with my family/friends. He ALWAYS encouraged me to try new things and refused to let me feel sorry for myself. This is what true love is...putting the other's needs ahead of their own. Tell your boyfriend how you feel again and let him how that what he says and does really hurts your feelings. Specify that you are NOT being overly dramatic and that he needs to put your feelings and well being FIRST. If he can't do that, then you'll have to make some tough choices. Having an illness isn't easy. When you have someone who's not there to support you, it's best to know now so both of you can decide whether it's time to move on or to seek some couple's counseling if BOTH want to save the relationship.
Sorry to be so blunt but I've been through relationships where the guy always put himself first and treated me like dirt. After those bad experiences, I decided that I WAS WORTH being treated like a person, and if a guy can't like/love me for me, it's time to move on & find someone that will.
Take care and good luck. ~GW
