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I just had a total breakdown

E

ErinDF

I just broke down in tears because my boyfriend tried to change the channel from the Olympic Opening Ceremony! (Of all things)...I'm not usually like this. But the last day in the half I've had some blood after passing gas (hoping just a hemorrhoid, very worried it is not) and bloating and gas after eating (doctor said earlier this week that it may just be that my GI tract isn't working quite right since its been out of wack for so long...suggested peppermint oil for the gas, etc.) I have felt good since my dose of remicaide three weeks ago and really thought it had worked this time, and I'm not even sure it hasn't.

I think the real issue is that I'm just scared. I'm scared its not in remission. I'm scared it will be another semester of law school where every day I have to "cope"...code for be miserable. But mostly, I'm scared that THIS is my new baseline. That I'm never going to feel better then I do right now...I used to feel better, but now...its been a year and a half and every time I've seen an oasis its been a mirage. I just can't cope anymore, I don't want my entire life to be coping.

Well...I know there is nothing to do but wake up tomorrow and hope it is better...and if it isn't to call my doctor, but I just really thought that this time it would be better...really.

Okay...I'm done. I should probably try to sleep or something.
Erin
 
Creepy Lurker

Creepy Lurker

Make sure you apologise to your boyfriend (although I'm sure he understands) :p

Crohn's and university study is a pretty bad mix. Make sure that all your lecturers know what's going on. You can get extra time for exams and coursework (usually).
 
S

Sojourn

I remember when I reached that point where I realized how serious this was. I had heard of stories where people went into "remission" for years and I expected that also. But it didn't happen. It's the same "it couldn't happen to me" type of reaction that happens in so many situations.

But I'm hoping that you will get a good remission. Don't give up on Remicade yet. Sometimes it can be more than a few weeks before you see results. And you still have to watch what you eat.
 
butt-eze

butt-eze

Superstar
I'm so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. I think that many of us can relate to this hopeless feeling.
It does get better. I promise! Your doctor will work with you to make this better. I have failed Remicade and have still gone on to have great days, weeks, months.

I think that fact that you can recognize you are emotional about this shows your strength. You can at least own your feelings and use that to explain to your boyfriend why you got upset. No biggie.

Stay strong!
 
G

Guest

(((big hugs))) Erin. it does get to us like that sometimes, i know :( just hang on in there, you have people on your side trying to get the treatment right for you, just make sure the doctor knows all the symptoms you're having right now, including the emotional ones.

just a thought - i remember years ago being advised against using peppermint oil. i can't quite remember why.. but a nurse on the ward had given me some in water to dispel nausea, and the consultant was quite cross about it when he came to visit me, told the nurse that Crohns patients should never have peppermint oil..
 
BWS1982

BWS1982

I'm the same, been almost a year since I've been flaring now, and the barrage of meds that's been thrown at this disease has made it do nothing more than giggle wickedly at my agony. I know how you feel, will I ever feel the bliss of remission I had summer 2007? I will fight too hard to not have it, and you should continue to do so too. :)
 
E

ErinDF

Hey all,

Wanted to give you all a happy update (seems like there have been few of those for me lately). I decided to try the peppermint oil since my body tends to digest things okay, plus the bloating and the pressure was KILLING me. I have to say, the last two days have been sooo much better. I don't like to get too excited about new treatments in the first couple days, but my stomach is much calmer and the gas has really decreased. Plus the blood has stopped (probably because I'm no longer straining). Today, I managed to go for an hour long walk with my boyfriend and I've been able to eat normally.

Anyway...thanks for the kind words. :) Now lets just hope this lasts!
 
A

AbstractDonut

I know how you feel, I was recently in surgery and even after surgery was constantly depressed that something was about to go wrong.

Just try to relax, stand up and stretch. Breath in slowly through your nose, and slowly out your mouth a few times. Make sure you do something you find enjoyable for at least a while each day. Especially talk to someone you enjoy spending time with.
 
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