Joe Christ said:
"That's so sweet of you" Why? Just because someone has Crohn's Disease doesn't make them a sad case to be sympathized and frowned upon. "I felt like I was hit by a bus." why is that? How does this man having Crohn's make him any different than he was before he told you that? Yes I understand that he has a disease but that is no reason for people to act like they're doing anybody some kind of favor by sticking around. I myself have this disease, I myself stand on my own two feet. I don't depend on anybody but myself. You should look at your situation in another light and maybe even realize that people are lucky to have loved ones in their life, with or without Crohn's.
PS I was forced to edit this post, I guess freedom of speech isn't "understandable" on this forum.
Spoken like a professional patient with the benefit of highsight and a few years to look this up, I suspect.
No one person will react the same- some people run the gamut of emotions when they're diagnosed, the same goes for people around the sufferer. To automatically assume people must act a certain way when you tell them is both naive and arrogant. Patient and family education takes
time, and people need to be able to work through it in their own ways, even if it doesn't fit into your neat boxes of 'perfect reactions'. To say "react in my way or I'll be done with you" will only alienate you from the people you tell. The likelyhood of getting that kind of reaction every time is remote, and if you do get it, you need to consider that people may be telling you what you want to hear rather than their honest feelings.
A Crohn's patient needs to remember that the disease is relatively rare- the people they tell will not automatically understand what it entails, or they may need time to understand and work through the implications of having a loved one with a chronic illness. It may entail realising they may have to be a breadwinner at times, or may have to support their partner through treatment or even surgical procedures. They may worry they could lose the loved one in the long run, or that their life together won't be anything like they envisioned. Quite scary- especially if the relationship is new. Quite normal also when you bring a huge unknown equation to the table- one that by medical admission has no cure, an unpredictable course and a high surgical rate.
So Singlemom- you're perfectly within your rights to have mixed emotions, feel pity and have doubts mixed with hope, love and determination. It's
all OK. None of us here had the diagnosis and future nailed the moment the word 'Crohn's' came out of the doctor's mouth. It took time to read up about it, clarify the jargon, accept the diagnosis and find out how to live with the symptoms.
Living independently with Crohn's is not about fighting a massive battle against it- that is a pointless use of limited energy like trying to fight the tide from coming in. Rather it's an
adaptation to the condition, a willingness to work around it rather than against it and to educate your loved ones as much as possible to enable them to do the same. This takes time, effort and patience with people that have a different rate of doing that to yourself.
Hope everything works out well for you singlemom- keeping reading up about it. You
can live with this OK with a bit of adaptation depending on his symptoms and treatment success. Keep talking, read up about it and be honest. You needn't be a tower of strength for him- just being realistic and there for the ride is enough.
Tea
