Hi all,
I am in denial about having this disease, do not take any medication to control it, and, because I've had virtually no symptoms for almost two years now, it's easy to maintain this state of denial.
I was diagnosed in May 2011 during the final exam season of a highly stressful and competitive graduate studies program in the UK (I'm an American). My symptoms, which were on the "mild" side of the spectrum (daily D, about 5 times per day, moderate stomach pain in one particular area, one instance of bleeding, fatigue, and mild anemia), had gone on for about two years but I remained undiagnosed because doctors told me things like "you're just stressed out about moving to a foreign country" or "it's irritable bowel syndrome, common in women of your age". One American doctor actually told me that my problem was drinking too much water.
Anyways, got diagnosed while living in a foreign country where I knew no one. Took the bus home after the diagnosis and the colonoscopy, nobody was there with me. I got really depressed, but started taking Pentasa and all of my symptoms vanished in 4 days. Then I moved to a third country for work, and stopped taking Pentasa (because it has to be imported and is difficult to get). I've had no symptoms since. This has led me to the probable delusion that I don't actually have Crohn's. All of my symptoms started when a psychiatrist put me on a very high dosage of Adderall to study for graduate school entry exams. Without the Adderall, it seems I don't have any Crohn's symptoms at all. So maybe I just can't handle high doses of that stuff?
Anyways, because I am in denial about all of this, have no symptoms, and also have alternative theories about why I was sick for those few years, I don't think about having Crohn's much at all. But sometimes, the reality hits me, and I feel hopeless and depressed. I know i'm supposed to "stay positive!
" and all of that, but this is a disgusting label that makes me feel disgusting. I haven't had any of the confidence I used to have before I was diagnosed. I don't feel attractive anymore (in part because the Pentasa gave me severe acne for the first time in my life, and now I have scarring, where I used to have very clear skin).
Anyways, I don't know what I'm trying to say here, but I'm lost. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by not continuing with the Pentasa. There are no modern gastroenterologists where I live (again, I live in a developing country). Is it possible that I just had that single episode of illness due to the high dosage of Adderall (60mg, every day), and an extremely unhealthy lifestyle (the Adderall made it hard for me to sleep, so I would abuse red wine just so I could get some sleep, usually 1-2 hours a night).
Anyways, that's all. I just needed to vent to people who've maybe gone through some of the same questions (do i really have this disease? was it a one time thing? do i really need expensive medication if that's the case?) and confusion. None of my friends get it, and I'm many miles away from anyone I'm close to anyway.
thanks,
H
I am in denial about having this disease, do not take any medication to control it, and, because I've had virtually no symptoms for almost two years now, it's easy to maintain this state of denial.
I was diagnosed in May 2011 during the final exam season of a highly stressful and competitive graduate studies program in the UK (I'm an American). My symptoms, which were on the "mild" side of the spectrum (daily D, about 5 times per day, moderate stomach pain in one particular area, one instance of bleeding, fatigue, and mild anemia), had gone on for about two years but I remained undiagnosed because doctors told me things like "you're just stressed out about moving to a foreign country" or "it's irritable bowel syndrome, common in women of your age". One American doctor actually told me that my problem was drinking too much water.
Anyways, got diagnosed while living in a foreign country where I knew no one. Took the bus home after the diagnosis and the colonoscopy, nobody was there with me. I got really depressed, but started taking Pentasa and all of my symptoms vanished in 4 days. Then I moved to a third country for work, and stopped taking Pentasa (because it has to be imported and is difficult to get). I've had no symptoms since. This has led me to the probable delusion that I don't actually have Crohn's. All of my symptoms started when a psychiatrist put me on a very high dosage of Adderall to study for graduate school entry exams. Without the Adderall, it seems I don't have any Crohn's symptoms at all. So maybe I just can't handle high doses of that stuff?
Anyways, because I am in denial about all of this, have no symptoms, and also have alternative theories about why I was sick for those few years, I don't think about having Crohn's much at all. But sometimes, the reality hits me, and I feel hopeless and depressed. I know i'm supposed to "stay positive!
" and all of that, but this is a disgusting label that makes me feel disgusting. I haven't had any of the confidence I used to have before I was diagnosed. I don't feel attractive anymore (in part because the Pentasa gave me severe acne for the first time in my life, and now I have scarring, where I used to have very clear skin).Anyways, I don't know what I'm trying to say here, but I'm lost. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by not continuing with the Pentasa. There are no modern gastroenterologists where I live (again, I live in a developing country). Is it possible that I just had that single episode of illness due to the high dosage of Adderall (60mg, every day), and an extremely unhealthy lifestyle (the Adderall made it hard for me to sleep, so I would abuse red wine just so I could get some sleep, usually 1-2 hours a night).
Anyways, that's all. I just needed to vent to people who've maybe gone through some of the same questions (do i really have this disease? was it a one time thing? do i really need expensive medication if that's the case?) and confusion. None of my friends get it, and I'm many miles away from anyone I'm close to anyway.
thanks,
H
