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In sad mode as can't get married due to Crohns

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powerpuffgals

Hi all,

I'm 28yrs from Malaysia. I was diagnosed crohn's in 2008 and currently life has been up n downs. Right now, the only symptom that has never left me is my diarhea. Daily, I have frequent diarhea ( 6-7 times a day), worst during night when i lay to sleep, feels like my colon, small bowel n tummy r not in rest n working harder. With all these, my parents want me to get married because they say its part of life. The problem is, there r no any gentlemans who r willing to marry a crohn's patient. All are looking for a perfect gal, n daily i'm in dilemma on this marriage topic with parents. Sometimes, even i myself feel like i wanna hv a family, but it just does not happen. Very, very down in this kind of situation. Hope someone can gv me some opinions. Thanks guys. Hv a nice day.
 
Hobbes650

Hobbes650

There is no such thing as the perfect woman- trust me, I've tried looking! ;)

I'm so sorry to see your situation is like this. My finance is currently living in Singapore. Her family is all Muslim and her first marriage was arranged- didn't work out so well that time. I can see if this disease happened to her or one of her sisters how this would bed a problem. But at some point, we all have problems and Crohns patients should not be treated so harshly. Are you getting good advice from your doctor as to the treatment of your disease? I'd focus on that part first. There is absolutely nothing about your disease that will prevent you from having a normal and healthy family. If you are afraid that men over there will not want you due to the Crohns then don't tell anyone! Seriously, nobody is going to know unless you are really very sick. Many of us here (I live in California) often have people say we can't be sick because we don't look it- but in your situation that may actually be helpful. Marriage will happen someday I'm sure, but your health issues come first. Take care of that and try not let that other stuff get you down right now. Hope you are feeling better soon!
 
upsetmom

upsetmom

Location
,
I wouldn't worry too much... when the right person comes along they won't care whether you have crohns or not.
 
L

LisaL

Location
Los Angeles
I am sorry that you are feeling so sad right now. I agree with everyone else, that there is no one who is perfect, and that there is someone out there who will love you and your diarrhea. I don't know what the customs are in Malaysia...is 28 considered old for marriage? Are you actively looking for a partner or just feeling hopeless because you are sick right now?

Take care of yourself...you deserve to be happy!
Lisa
 
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powerpuffgals

Hi Lisa, in Malaysia, 28 is old age to get married. That is why the pressure by all falls on me. Thanks for all of you guys positiveness. Hope i can get back up soon...
 
shalin

shalin

I am sorry to hear this is going on. I hope thingd get better and that you are following up with your dr. Remember stress is a huge key in crohn's. I discovered i had crohn's 3 months after i got married and gave him the option to leave. He said he loved me and would never leave. it has been 18 years and still going. I have taken up yoga and pilaties to help with relaxation tecniques. I do not know if these are acceptable inyour culture but it helped tremendously. I hope things come together for you and that you can get things stable.
Keep your head up and dont be affraid to ask for help. If they care they should help you with your situation in every way.
 
UnXmas

UnXmas

I agree with the others that Crohn's is not a barrier to marriage, although you may have problems that aren't relevant for those of use who live in different places.

Do you want to get married yourself or is it the pressure from you parents that's the main problem?

I hope your doctors doing all they can to minimise your symptoms.

Do you know other people who have a chronic illness, not necessarily Crohn's? Maybe you'd be able to find others who are in a similar situation. Many people deal with various on-going medical conditions, although they often keep quiet about it. Do you have access to online support communities like this forum? It can help to see others living happy lives in spite of an illness, and it can also help to see people struggling with the same problems that you are. You're not the only one.
 
StaceyQ

StaceyQ

dont let anyone force you into anything, and like other people have said when the right ones comes along crohns wont be a problem x
 
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