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It's been a hard start to the year

Hi fellow warriors,
I just want to share some of my thoughts as January 2020 comes to a close. The year ended up well and on January 2nd I visited what seems like my fiftieth gastroenterologist since my Crohn's diagnosis at age thirteen. He is nicer and more open to questions than others have been in the past. None have really listened to my concerns about mental health during flares or downturns. First week of January I was down for four days, couldn't get up and each day got worse.

If I managed to make it to work I was anxious that colleagues would comment on how I looked, "you seem tired", "partied too much during the holidays?", "why are you so quiet?". So I stayed at home. This week has been the same - walking home on Tuesday evening my stomach just began cramping and I nearly vomited there and then. This was supposed to be a date night with my partner and instead I spent it in a foetal position in bed.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I can take it while others I just stare out our windows at all the busy people walking around and it's hard, it's hard not to talk to others who are experiencing the same thing. Despite support from family and friends I sometimes feel so utterly alone. I know some of you do as well. This is such an isolating disease and it really screws with your head: "Am I feeling better? Is the nausea nerves? Maybe my stomach's just upset from something I ate?"

My partner told me today before she left that it's been a hard start to the year but it can only get better. I'm placing some hope on that. I hope you are all doing better as well.