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I've been really stupid!!

I'm very annoyed and disappointed at myself cos 3 months ago I started smoking again the day my dad died and I can't make myself stop. I know I'm using excuses for not stopping and I know why I should stop but I have absolutely no will power what so ever. I'm not very proud of myself right now and I know my family are angry with me. I keep saying I'll stop tomorrow or this week be my last pack but I'm fooling myself.

Please help........:(


Forum Monitor
Don't give up. It's an extremely hard habit to break. Keep fighting for this.


Super Moderator
Aw Lizbeth, don't beat yourself up too much over this. I know you've been through a tremendously difficult time lately. Have you tried any smoking cessation aids, like gum or patches? Hopefully something like that can help you ease back out of this bad habit. Hang in there!
Lizbeth, I have smoked for 38 years and was diagnosed with Acute Crohns in November 2013 - they told me that I had to quit smoking. I had cut down to 4 a day and was trying but things got out of control - my mom lives with me and has Alzheimer's and is getting progressively worse everyday I am her primary care giver and I work full time, my daughter has stage 4 cancer and is putting up a hell of a fight and we can't seem to get my med's figured out so that I can go off steroids onto something else without having a life threatening reaction. So I started smoking more again - up to a pack a day more. I'm a pretty stubborn person and when I decide to do something I usually do it - this time I couldn't. That little thing that is so big got me. But tomorrow I have an appointment to go get lasered to stop. It works, at least it worked for me once before and I started again when I got sick and was undiagnosed for 2.5 years so I am hoping that it will work again. The point here is when you are ready you will quit -and yes it will be much better for your health if you do, and yes it will probably make everyone around you feel better if you do but that added stress of trying to make everyone else happy is just making it worse for you - do it at your time and it will be for you and it will work. From an old smoker (ex tomorrow).
I will be rooting for you and yelling from the rooftops in Victoria when you succeed!:hug:
Lizbeth, I'm so sorry about your loss of your dad. If you want to stop smoking, do this: throw out your cigarettes. Do not buy anymore. It will be easier said than done but you can do it. And forgive yourself for having started smoking again. We all have different ways of coping with stress. After you throw your cigs away and you get a craving, try doing deep breathing for 5 min when you have a craving instead
I really can't thank you all enough for your kindness, it feels like the first support I've had in a long time, it brought tears to my eyes.:cry:

Smoking distracts me from everything going on. My father-in-law law died a few weeks before my dad, my hubby and I had to do cpr on him for 20 mins but we were too late, since then I've had to support my mother-in-law and it gets so claustrophobic. She doesn't give me space to grieve and I resent her for it but I also know she needs me and I promised her I would always be there for her.

My dad died on May 8th exactly 5 years and 1 hour after my mum it was also 2 days after my birthday. I didn't get to grieve when mum died cos dad took up all my time, he had a personality disorder that was extremely difficult to manage but that's a story for another time. Since Jan I lived away from my home in his flat so that I could be there for dad as much as possible. He was in hospital from Jan until he died having fallen out of bed, in hospital, sustaining a brain injury that needed surgery, after that he developed delirium causing him to believe someone was trying to kill him. He spent his last 4 months petrified, God it was so hard to watch! The only time he felt safe was when I was with him. He died in my arms. When he died it felt like I had lost both mum and dad and it overwhelms me. Mum went into hospital with a sore back on Apr 25th 2009. She was diagnosed with 4 tumours 2 days later then another 4 were found, I spent everyday with her and held her as she died, don't think I will ever get over the loss of them both.

Smoking gives me something else to think about but physically makes me feel ill but still I haven't got to the right time to stop. I know I will but in all honesty I don't want to stop yet. That's the first time I've admitted that to myself.

I really appreciate you all taking time to help me.
Wow, you've been through a lot. Have you spoken with a counselor or therapist for support? I've had therapy from time to time and it has really helped, especially when I didn't have much support from others.
Wow, you've been through a lot. Have you spoken with a counselor or therapist for support? I've had therapy from time to time and it has really helped, especially when I didn't have much support from others.
No I haven't yet but I'm thinking about it.
Wow, you have been through a lot. Give yourself time. Maybe try counsellingz. I have been numerous times and it worked well for me.
Take things one day at a time.
sending lots of support your way my dear.
thinking of you.......

when you are ready, you might consider a naturalpath..

take care and keep us all informed of how you are doing
OMG but please don't beat yourself up over this! :(

Back in 2010, my father had some sort of traumatic brain injury that resulted in him needing emergency brain surgery (he's now fine), and six months later, my mother had a stroke at too early of an age (recovering now as best as she can).

In that time, the amount of 'trauma' I was going through was something I couldn't put into words but was something I simply had to get through and move on through and like you, grieving, letting myself be upset and scared and depressed unfortunately never happened despite how poorly I felt.

It eventually all came to an unexpected head when I saw a psychiatrist for something else completely unrelated and for the first time in the safety of their office with nobody related to me around and nobody to judge me, I properly grieved and let myself feel-feel the near-loss of both of my parents in such a short time, the panic and anxiety that I had felt but never expressed, the anger and even bitterness at the sense of unfairness, and just OMGIT'SOVER.

It's so much to go through and though I didn't lose either parent, I know very well what it's like to have that initial fear of loss and my heart goes out to you for knowing what it feels like TO have that loss.

In my heart's heart, I think you need to grieve-grieve and I would recommend someone like a grief counselor myself. You need to feel safe and be in a nonjudgmental environment.

I know why you picked up those smokes and I don't blame you -at all- and that was brave of you to be honest when you mentioned that you might not be ready to quit yet.

It was and is a difficult time and it helped you to manage; if you want to get back off, I think and believe you can but given the things you've been through, maybe some professional help would go a long way to not just helping you through this, but also maybe helping you in general in the long run.

The problem with quitting something familiar that helps to keep your mind off of things is that you have nothing else to do the same, but maybe with some help from someone professional, they can help you brainstorm ideas that will work for you instead of the smokes.

I was never happier or more grateful that I ended up at that psychiatrist's office for something completely unrelated; I really needed that place and space and the feeling of safety he gave me to really 'let go' and grieve and just 'feel' without my 'I need to be in control because life doesn't wait and I need to take care of things' instincts kicking in into overdrive.

Wishing you all the best.
I finally quit. Some tricks I used along the way:

- Only allow yourself a cigarette on the hour (or half hour depending on how much you smoke). If you miss the hour mark, you have to wait until the next hour. its not so bad because you know you'll have one within the hour.
- I gave myself 6 months to quit. I went from Newport to Newport Light then to Marlboro Light (to kick the menthol habit) then to Marlboro ultra light then to Virginia slim lights to only smoking a VSUL after smoking MM (if you smoke MM you'd understand). Then I quit.
I can't thank you enough for your replies, I've been rereading them and they have really helped. I've been able to cut down a bit and am determined to quit, this has only happened because of your support. I've been doing things like painting my nails to distract me from having a cig, I don't smoke in the house so if I can keep busy inside it will help me stop.

I don't want you all to think I'm using my dad's death as an excuse for smoking cos that wouldn't be fair to him. I'm actually ok about him dying as he had such a terrible life after mum died, he couldn't cope and didn't want to be here, he always said he wanted to die the same day as mum and it took him 5 years to get there. He wasn't able to tell you his name the last few weeks of his life, a result of the brain surgery, but somehow he knew the date and joined mum the day he wanted. It was a blessing for him cos he suffered so much after the brain surgery. I met his drs the day before he died and they weren't able to explain his condition, there was no medical explanation why he was deteriorating but we know he had given up, he told us so about 5 weeks before he died, he'd had enough and couldn't take it anymore. He was so lost without mum. I do miss him dreadfully but I'm so glad he's not suffering anymore.
Can you try electronic cigs ? Not the terrible ones you buy at the convience store but perhaps the good ones you get at a smoke shop? Then you can get your nicotine fix but only inhale vapors which isn't harmful at all.

I vape to stay sane. It's not harmful to your health like ciggerettes and lots of people even vape to eventually stop smoking.

Maybe give that a try? I only vape the lowest amount of nicotine out there 3mg and it's plenty enough for me. And there are so many flavors of juice to try. ANd NO MORE STINKY SMOKE smell! YAY!

Good luck.

I'm new here, so I don't really 'know' anyone and their own personal stories, but I relate to what you're saying. Not because of your personal story, but because I've also re-acquired old habits that I've had to deal with, again.
In my humble opinion, you shouldn't let a problem morph into many problems.

Smoking is bad, it sucks, and all that we already know of that habit. Now, if you add anxiety, frustration, guilt, sadness, confusion, and all those feelings that come along, you will have to deal with the whole package.

I would (what I would do, we're all different) simply assume I've grown a bad habit and become aware that I have to put an end to it, without really getting anxious.

Here's why:
I would not try to deny the habit of smoking and try to punch and kick my way through guilt and frustration back to where I was before (not smoking). I think some problems are not to be solved, but evolved. There's a lot going on behind the scenes, and being positive and evolving your way out of it, emotionally, is probably the best way to go.
I would try to become more productive, do something I can be proud of (be it art, doing sth for somebody, anything you enjoy that makes you forget about the world), until the bad habit begins to dry out. Only then would I try to help it 'fall off' my life.

I hope this does not sound too idealistic. I am, by no means, trying to tell you what to do. I'm just expressing my point of view.

I hope you find it helpful in some way.:smile:
studys have suggested smokers who exercise regularly have an easier time quitting, and it may have to do with the antidepressant effects of excercise. and also depressed smokers smoke more. try a natural substance which is the only substance known to reduce the risk of suicide by 60%. it's a vitamin and has been used to treat bipolar depression for 50 years, lithium start 1-2 milligram and raise it until you feel and side effects. other natural ways to treat depression are with vitamin d, and folate.
I'm very annoyed and disappointed at myself cos 3 months ago I started smoking again the day my dad died and I can't make myself stop.
I know how you feel. It took me 10 attempts over 5 years to finally give up.

I have one word for you: OATS

It will help with IBD and help you give up smoking and help de-stress you after the emotional death of your father.

According to the renowned medical herbalist Anne Mcintyre:

“Oats are a rejuvenating tonic. Rich in protein and minerals they make a good nourishing food for anyone with a lack of appetite, or who is run down, stressed and tired, or those suffering from depression, anxiety and nervous exhaustion. Oat tea gained a reputation in the early 20th century for helping addicts give up opium and cigarettes, and today herbalists use it for stress, and withdrawing from antidepressants and tranquilizers. Whilst it can give energy to the depleted; it can also help you relax. Traditionally used as a soothing remedy for irritated conditions of the digestive tract such as IBS and IBD, diverticulitis and gastritis”.

Get old fashioned oat groats
Soak in cold water in fridge overnight
Discard water
Put in pot with 3 – 5 cups of cold water, bring to boil and then turn down heat and simmer for one hour adding more water if need be. Then eat.

Avoid microwavable instant oats - they don't have the same healing properties

But for your particular needs right now: visit a herbalist and get an oat tonic (decanting in preparation removes all gluten) and use this to help you de-stress and give up cigarettes.

Good luck