Just feeling sorry for myself

[SarahAnne]

I am freaked out by the copious amounts of mucus in my stool. It looks less like a BM and more like someone with a severe cold blew their nose into the toilet. No blood that I can see, but everything coming out has been an orangey-rust color anyway.

I am so tired and worn out. The holidays were exhausting, my kids are finally back in school but my energy levels are so low. I have an appointment Feb. 7, I need to get back on some B12 and goodness knows what else.

I'm also a little angry, guess I'd be more so if I had the energy. I'm so sick and tired of watching every little thing I eat. I'm sick and tired of watching every little thing that comes out after I eat. I'm tired of taking pills, drinking supplements to stay alive, having painful, embarrassing and expensive tests. But mostly I'm sick and tired of feeling better for a few days only to feel worse later. I get my hopes up that I'm doing something right and then everything falls to crap again.

I'm so glad the pred has filled out my sickly, hollow face and made me look "so much better!" I wish I felt as good as everyone says I look.
__________________

 

[chrisnsteph1022]

{{{hugs}}}
I feel exactly the same way right now. I'm getting very despondant and feeling hopeless about it all. I'm doing everything right, avoiding gluten, red meat, raw veggies, corn, etc. I'm taking the heavy-hitter drugs and it seems like I just get a little worse every day. It really sucks. I'm tired and just want to be normal.

 

[Terriernut]

Huge belly hugs to BOTH of you beautiful ladies! I wonder when I am going to feel human again myself. I think back in time when I was 'normal' oh, how long ago....

We get sick of being sick. We get sick of not having enough 'spoons'. (you know the spoon theory?)

I think we just need to bang on about it to our Dr's until they tweek and tweek our meds, etc. Someday...it's just got to get better!!!! And sometimes surgery is the only option for us again, and we just have to remain positive, there is no other choice is there? People depend on us, and we have to keep going. (oi veh for a Hawian spa break???)
:kiss:

 

[SarahAnne]

Thanks guys. Just feeling a little down today. Since I had the stricture removed I can eat without vomiting, and I've gained some weight mostly due to the pred. I have days where I'm so thankful just for the little things, and other days when I'm pissed because I shouldn't have to be thankful that I can eat. I want to be normal, whatever that is.

I'm sure it's the cold weather. As soon as I warm up my mood will improve. Hopefully.

 

[Terriernut]

You DO look better in your avatar. I just hope that your body catches up with how you look!

We all wish we were 'normal' again. I dont think we stop and give ourselves credit enough. Being as ill as we are, and still carrying on.

 

[SarahAnne]

Thanks for the compliment! I've been very self conscious having pictures taken because I've been getting rounder because of the pred. I also have to hold my head a certain way or I look like I have a double chin. I practiced in front of the mirror over the holidays.

I knew my Remi infusion was on Tuesday, but it just dawned on me what that means. It's no wonder I'm feeling like crap. I'll feel better after I get it, it just sucks that I'm going to spend all weekend feeling like I have the flu.