Kids say the darnest things

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Anyone have any funny kid stuff to share?

This morning on the way to school:
Kaleb: "Hey mom, I figured out why I eat my boogers"!
Me: (staring at him with raised eyebrow).
Kaleb: "I'm just really hungry..."
Me: (Still staring)
Kaleb: "Look woman, if you had to wait until 12:30pm to eat lunch you'd eat your boogers, too".
 
vshirey317 said:
Anyone have any funny kid stuff to share?

This morning on the way to school:
Kaleb: "Hey mom, I figured out why I eat my boogers"!
Me: (staring at him with raised eyebrow).
Kaleb: "I'm just really hungry..."
Me: (Still staring)
Kaleb: "Look woman, if you had to wait until 12:30pm to eat lunch you'd eat your boogers, too".
Click to expand...

Ahahahahahhahaahahahahaahahhahaha :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
Well, I'm stealing this from the Readers Digest magazine, and I'm paraphrasing it due to the mag is long gone and my memory is pretty faulty. And it may or may not be legit... one of those life story things where a 'reader' recounts funny things from their life.. OK, enuff preamble. gist of it goes like this... businessman on long trip returns home early, looking forward to spending 1st nite in his own bed in a long time. But, upon entering the master bedroom, his wife is asleep with the little tykes curled up around her. So dad spends the nite on the couch.. Next morning, he pointedly reminds all that they should be sleeping in their own beds so he can sleep in his when he gets home. On the next business trip return, the wife and kids meet him at the airport. No biggie, but one of the little ones decides to welcome him home with the following loud statement.. "Guess what daddy? No one slept with mommy while you were gone this time" If this IS a true story, it is priceless... and even if it ain't, it is still pretty good.
 
Kev said:
Well, I'm stealing this from the Readers Digest magazine, and I'm paraphrasing it due to the mag is long gone and my memory is pretty faulty. And it may or may not be legit... one of those life story things where a 'reader' recounts funny things from their life.. OK, enuff preamble. gist of it goes like this... businessman on long trip returns home early, looking forward to spending 1st nite in his own bed in a long time. But, upon entering the master bedroom, his wife is asleep with the little tykes curled up around her. So dad spends the nite on the couch.. Next morning, he pointedly reminds all that they should be sleeping in their own beds so he can sleep in his when he gets home. On the next business trip return, the wife and kids meet him at the airport. No biggie, but one of the little ones decides to welcome him home with the following loud statement.. "Guess what daddy? No one slept with mommy while you were gone this time" If this IS a true story, it is priceless... and even if it ain't, it is still pretty good.
Click to expand...

That's hilarious! :ylol:
 
LMAO!!! These are great. I know criss cross applesauce! We called it 'sit like an indian' back when.
 
yesterday my son was being taught about drugs at school and the different names drugs were callled.the teacher got to "weed" when my son said "my mum grows weeds in her garden"


am awaiting for social services to bang on the door!!!!!
__________________
 
Picked up my sons yesterday and the 9 year old has his coat all stuffed with something in the chest area and I ask him what he's hiding.....so proud of himself he looks up and says, "I am smuggling pumpkins." Sorry ladies it's a regular boob joke in our wacky home.
 
We visited my husbands sister last Thanksgiving in Texas. They raise several animals including turkeys. Well of course, a turkey needed to be slaughtered for our dinner. All 16 nieces and nephews lined up to watch the event. On Thanksgiving day my niece tells her mom she doesn't want to eat any of the turkey. Her mom says its okay, she doesn't have to eat the turkey, but she should have some ham. My poor little niece asks in a whisper, "mom, did they kill the ham too?"
 
This morning I caught my son staring at his butt in a mirror. He looks at me and says "Uh mom, are these women jeans? Because my butt looks huge in them"...

He is NOT going to make a good husband!
 
farm said:
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! THat was great!!
Click to expand...

I had a parent teacher conference a few weeks ago (not in trouble -- just an update on his progress, etc) and his homeroom teacher was cracking the heck up so bad saying "I know I shouldn't laugh, but he has the most intriguing personality and sense of humor EVER! That kid cracks me up so much. Are you sure he's 8"? Some of the things he busts out with are just so out there, lol.
 
farm said:
A good sense of humor is a sign of high intellegence.
Click to expand...

He is SO witty. I mean, his school work is good and all (A's and B's), but the way his expresses himself is so great -- he has a character like no other. His 6 year old brother is completely opposite of him; very quite and reserved, extremely sensitive and isn't much of a talker. The 2 year old is just a pain in the butt toddler -- I'll let you know in a few years how he turns out, LOL
 
Shantel said:
We'd all be vegans if we made the tour of our our food actually makes it to the grocery store. I've read the Skinny Bitches book and my daughter and I tried to be vegan for a while. It last about 2 weeks. We've tried several times - but we feel so crappy doing it. Poor baby - I bet multiple kids were traumatized by that event!!
Click to expand...

The hubs works at a meat packing plant and yeah, I went vegetarian for a whopping 2-3 weeks, but it didn't last. :X The stories he tells me make me sad, so sometimes I have to tell him to shuddup. One of his positions is to ocassionally supervise the killings to ensure they're doing it humanely and it's SAD! When I go up to the plant, they have the cows outside in pens (they kill 2,000 a DAY!) and when it's "their turn", they fight and try their hardest to go the opposite direction. There's been a few times, too where they cow isn't properly secured during the killing and it'll flop around crazy style and injury or kill a worker.

Damn, and I was really looking forward to eating fajitas tomorrow, but sort of just killed the mood...:voodoo:
 
I know I've said this somewhere else before about kids. But ....

My niece told my sister a little while ago "Hey mom, bitchy rhymes with witchy!" She's 6. She has NO clue. hehe

And when my daughter was around 2-3, she walked in the room. Looked all around. then spread her arms wide and said "It sure is a STTRRRAAANNNNGGGEEE family." hahahahah Best moment ever.
 
vshirey317 said:
This morning I caught my son staring at his butt in a mirror. He looks at me and says "Uh mom, are these women jeans? Because my butt looks huge in them"...

He is NOT going to make a good husband!
Click to expand...

A lot of guys like big butts and I cannot lie. :D (sometimes I think it's just you women who want smaller butts!)

When I was little I was told I pointed out a lady behind my mom and I at the grocery store checkout line who'd farted...the lady was REALLY pissed off because I said it quite loud and it was busy. "She just farted!" as I looked up at my mom. Ha, owned!
 
BWS1982 said:
A lot of guys like big butts and I cannot lie. :D (sometimes I think it's just you women who want smaller butts!)

When I was little I was told I pointed out a lady behind my mom and I at the grocery store checkout line who'd farted...the lady was REALLY pissed off because I said it quite loud and it was busy. "She just farted!" as I looked up at my mom. Ha, owned!
Click to expand...

That's awesome, LOL. Dontcha' just love the bluntness of little kids? Well, unless they're pointing out something about ourselves, but yeah, lol. When I was three, my mom explained to me the differences between boys and girls, so that resulted in me in the grocery store yelling "THAT'S A MAN/WOMAN SO THEY HAVE A PENIS/VAGINA" :X Another time I asked my mom (very loudly) why there was a Grandma with "boobs down there", oops!
 
i salivate at the bootylicious butts too. i want one. that matches my body size.

haha these are funny guys!

oh and my 2c on vegetarianism, i dont think its the fact that more people need to become vegetarians, its that slaughtering methods have to be examined and that should be a factor in whom you choose to buy from. consuming meat is the natural order of things, its what our ancestors did 215839802 years ago right? its a natural food for our bodies. but not natural is the kill gone wrong. every animal deserves a quick and painless death, yet we seem to be the only animals that cant figure out how to make that happen.
 
When we were younger, my sister asked my mom " When Aunt Sarah grows up, will she get boobies too?" This was after my mom had talked to my sister about growing up and getting breasts of course. My poor Aunt was flat as a board. hehe I still love that one. :)
 
Yesterday my son said, "Dad I'm sure glad we're both hard-headed."
 
Yesterday, I picked up the boys from school wearing my new sun glasses. Kaleb, once again with his wit and charm, asked, "Hey, where'd you get those? Dorks R Us"? What a way to rain on my parade!
 
muddin' gal said:
Stopped at a red light a while back, with my 4 year old godson sitting behond me, a funeral procession started coming through...so of course all cars hault until the procession makes it's way past. My four year old godson says, "Hey Kina, God must be pretty cool right?!?" I answered with, "Of course He's pretty cool! Why Sam?" He response, "Because he saw the funeral comin' and turned the light red!" Oh the beauty of four year olds...As the song goes, "I Live for little moments like that..."
Click to expand...

Aw, what a little sweetheart. That made me smile. :)
 
muddin' gal said:
Yeah he's is a sweety...of course, he can also be a mess! Like the time he told the priest that came to his class to visit, that he wanted to sing him a song, and then busted out with "Honkey Tonk, Ba-donk-a donk" Yes, he knows ALL the words...I love that kid!
Click to expand...

I asked the oldest kid the other day what he learned at school. He said he learned to grab his weenie and dance like MJ. :ylol2:

I died laughing last night going through his homework folder. He did a paper on Susan B. Anthony (2nd grade is NOT what it use to be that's for sure) and one of the questions was: why didn't Susan B. Anthony get to vote? He put "Because she died"...I laughed really hard. Yeah, he got it wrong, too. Damn, that's probably what I would've put, too.
 
Kaleb: "You need to go to a psych ward. The way you talk and sing to our dog is not normal".
Me: (laughs)
Kaleb: "This is no laughing matter. Seriously, you're a freak".
 
vshirey317 said:
Kaleb: "You need to go to a psych ward. The way you talk and sing to our dog is not normal".
Me: (laughs)
Kaleb: "This is no laughing matter. Seriously, you're a freak".
Click to expand...

MBH 'likes' this ^ .
 
Somebody brings our daughter a gift for Christmas. Later she says, "Daddy, did they bring me any cool presents?" :ylol2:
 
i was in argos getting a new laminater and i wanted some pouches for it. son says "mum argos wont sell freds(stoma) pouches you need to go the doctors for that" he then gave me that look that made me feel 80 years old.
 
Our daughter made me glad that we didn't ever talk to her like a baby when she was growing. Keep in mind she's only three and a half. We're at Kohl's and I'm holding her and she's giving me a hug and she says, "Daddy, your abrasive cheek hurt my head." :ylol2: I had to ask her twice to repeat it so that I was sure of the word she was using. Then later she was painting and said, "I have quality painting." Abrasive and quality, and used correctly! Love it!
 
I don't have any recent ones as my nephews are a bit big for the great lines these days.

However, one time sticks in my mind when Caleb, then about three? discovered his nipples and wanted to know why he had 'itchy bites' on his chest. This was very cute.

Me: Are they itchy?
Caleb: No.
Me: Then they can't be itchy bites can they?
Caleb: well what are they then?
Me: They are your nipples.....

I was very amused by this.

Another great one was when he was about 4 and I picked him up from a biorthday party. I was sure he said the word 'B%@ch' and it went like this:

Me: Did you just say a naugty word?
Caleb: Nope.
Me: I'm pretty sure you did Caleb.
Caleb: No I didn't.

This went on for a while and was most amusing when he ended up saying 'But I didn't say f@%k Auntie Sharon!!"

Me: Well, you did now!

I was in fits :)

My last one regarding Caleb is that he has a brother Max 2 years younger and I guess once he got to school he started picking up some words. They were having dinner and Mum puts Max's in front of him and he (at all of 3) says 'I'm not F%@king eating that!' The funny part was that Caleb, knowing he could only have learned the word from him, went white as a ghost and fled to hide under his bed as he knew he was gonna be in trouble!

I love those boys so damned much :)
 
My sister's little boy Ben and her are waiting in the drive-thru line at Starbuck's.

My sister: Come on guys (knowing Ben will repeat her)
Ben: Come on guys, what's the deal, Move it!

Its pretty cute when a 3 year old says it. He's a pretty dope kid.
 
Shaz, that reminds me of my two year old! I really try to watch my language around the kids and the older two know not to repeat anything, but Kole is still too little to understand and he picks up stuff from us driving and me road raging, oops. So, I get the pleasure of hearing, "move the f*** over", and other select phrases. ::sigh:: I'm trying really hard to do damage control...
 
imisspopcorn said:
I'm gald I don't have the only booger eater in the world. :)
Click to expand...
My two and a half year old loves his boogers. It's so gross. He'll pick his nose, get a big booger on it, makes sure I see it, and then sticks his finger in his mouth and eats it. YUCK! To top it off he says, "Yum!"
 
About kids swearing.
I remember when my cousin was starting to chat away he picked up 'bloody' from somewhere. His mum wanted to know who he got it from so she asked him 'Who says bloody Zachary?' and he replyed 'I say it!'
haha makes me laugh
x x x
 
my son asked me where duck eggs come from. he said he knew where normal eggs come from but didnt know where duck eggs came from!!!!
 
HOLY CRAP!!!

My daughter just cracked the whole Crohn's illness wide open! With this information a cure would have to be right around the corner! She said.........















Daddy, you're allergic to poop.

That just says it all...
:D
 
So i'm over at my girlfriends house tonight, she has a 3 year old. he goes into the bathroom to do his business, and yells

"mommy, i need more toirer paper"
Her "It's under the sink"
Rumage, rumage
He comes running out, pants around ankles, roll of paper towel in hand, and says
"I need BIG toirer paper, i took BIG POOP"
 
LOL :)

That reminds me of my nephew Max. When he was really little, like 3, and we would talk on the phone there was a spell where he would be really super loud. Turned out they ahd told him to start talking in a Big Boy voice on the phone and he thought they meant BIG voice! :)
 

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