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LGBT Crohn's Patients

nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Anyone else a member of the LGBT community? Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender in case anyone is wondering.

Im a gay guy with Crohn's and often feel like the only one but I know it's not the case.

I feel like healthcare towards our community is poor in general and nearly non existent in this area. I think there are many IBD issues that could be uniquely addressed to a gay and lesbian patient population.
 
tiloah

tiloah

Yep, here and queer. We have lots of members who identify this way. There's a coming out thread in the Members Only section I believe.

The medical community has a long history of ignoring the unique health needs of the LGBT community in general, so it's not surprising that it would happen with IBD as well. Are you "out" to your healthcare providers? I am married to a man so I "pass" almost all of the time.
 
David

David

Co-Founder
Location
Naples, Florida
I ask this with sincerity... how would the health care provided to someone in the LGBT community be different from a heterosexual patient? What are the unique needs of LGBT patients?
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Diesanduhr I'm not out to my healthcare providers for fear that I will be treated differently and not get optimal care.

Dave there are a lot of issues that are unique to the LGBT community. We are at increased risk for certain cancers, depression, suicide, etc.

A lot of this is due to societal homophobia which leads many gay people to substance abuse and to avoid medical professionals. Hence why lesbians are at higher risk for female cancers because they don't want to discuss sexual organs or sexual health with their provides. Transgender people are many times not even welcome to be treated which is terrible and bisexual people often get unnoticed.

For me as a gay man I'm concerned with Crohn's disease and anal sex. Also Crohn's disease increases your likelihood for anal cancer. Other issues revolve around self esteem, dating and general disease issues.
 
tiloah

tiloah

David said:
I ask this with sincerity... how would the health care provided to someone in the LGBT community be different from a heterosexual patient? What are the unique needs of LGBT patients?
Click to expand...
This is an excellent article about the health disparities:

http://www.autostraddle.com/hhs-announces-intent-to-care-more-about-lgbt-health-83107/

Just one example: "Because LGBT people are regularly discriminated against in employment, relationship recognition and insurance coverage, they are more likely to get sick and less likely to be able to afford vital health care than their straight and non-transgender neighbors."

Here are a few more articles on the subject. Unfortunately almost all of my info comes from the same source (a girl on girl culture website) so it doesn't cover the complete picture, but it is informative.

http://www.autostraddle.com/healthc...for-gay-people-especially-lgbt-elders-122148/
http://www.autostraddle.com/gay-kids-doing-dangerous-things-92082/
http://www.autostraddle.com/queer-latinas-have-needs-but-receive-billboards-instead-94486/
http://www.autostraddle.com/medical-schools-not-so-great-at-teaching-about-gay-people-109388/
http://www.autostraddle.com/transgender-people-and-those-darn-standards-of-care-113430/
 
tiloah

tiloah

Another example: Oftentimes women are told to have their first pap smear within a year of losing their virginity. This leads healthcare providers to telling women who haven't had sex with men (are gay) that they don't need pap smears, even if they have been sexually active for years. This may even account for some of the increased cancer risk.
 
Rebecca85

Rebecca85

Location
Nottingham, UK
Just thought I'd give a little wave. I'm bi, my current GP and consultants are unaware. My previous doctor knew because I was in a relationship with a woman and had some problems downstairs, so it was relevant. I am now in a long term relationship with a man, so the subject hasn't come up.
 
handle

handle

My youngest brother is gay, and has U.C. He's never mentioned any issues with discriminative healthcare but that doesn't mean he hasn't had any.
It was a surprise when he told us. We all realized, beyond doubt, that there is no choice in the matter. How foolish people can be, even clever ones, like doctors.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
handle said:
My youngest brother is gay, and has U.C. He's never mentioned any issues with discriminative healthcare but that doesn't mean he hasn't had any.
It was a surprise when he told us. We all realized, beyond doubt, that there is no choice in the matter. How foolish people can be, even clever ones, like doctors.
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You would be surprised. My friends sister is a doctor who thinks my friend became gay due to the Western media lol. It's funny yet really sad at the same time.

Is your brother out to his doctors?
 
handle

handle

I don't know if he would have mentioned it Nogutsnoglory. If it was an issue he would have.

The western media caused it eh! They used to say rock n' roll caused crime, and that toothpaste caused Crohns!
 
suschex

suschex

Suzanne
I'm not a member of LGBT but just wanted to send out a big hug...honestly, as if life isn't challenging enough without being judged for who you were born to be! I am sincerely sorry you have to deal with the issue of telling/not telling and then being judged about your sexuality at all in the middle of trying to deal with medical issues!!! I hope one day our world will be blind to all things other than a persons character!!!

HUGE HUGS!!!
 
KWalker

KWalker

Moderator
Just like suschex, I am not a member of the LGBT but I wanted to give a giant Kudos to you guys, and girls! I really had no idea doctors would do something like that because of your sexual orientation. In my eyes I don't see a difference whatsoever. If you're happy, that's all that matters. My fiancee's aunt is gay and probably the happiest, most fun person to be around. 3 of my closet friends are also gay (2 boys, 1 girl) and they would do anything for anybody. Who cares if you like the same sex, it doesn't change anything in my eyes. Nobody should have to be afraid of coming out, and I'm glad you guys feel comfortable enough to share with us. You have my full support!
 
lookame

lookame

I may not be gay or bi or transgender but I do feel fir you. I think everyone was created equal and therefor should be treated equal whether in adopting a child or in healthcare. I think everyone should have the right to the best healthcare available and not have it based on their sexual oriention. Its shameful how closed minded people are. I hope one day society wont be so closed off and will treat others equally. I for one support all of you.
 
bushydougie

bushydougie

I too am not a member of the LGBTcommunity but have a variety of friends who are. I have always believed, since becoming ill and finding out about IBD, that it would perhaps be even more of a struggle for LGBT due to many of the points raised early.
I was very glad to see a Facebook post by NACC (national association of colitis and crohns uk) that they were funding a study into the needs, issues and concerns of LGBT. This was in september but I do not know when it will be finished and published. Hopefully this will address some of the specific needs you have and will help advise the health care professionals for the future so others do not have to go through any more problems just because of their sexuality.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
bushydougie said:
I too am not a member of the LGBTcommunity but have a variety of friends who are. I have always believed, since becoming ill and finding out about IBD, that it would perhaps be even more of a struggle for LGBT due to many of the points raised early.
I was very glad to see a Facebook post by NACC (national association of colitis and crohns uk) that they were funding a study into the needs, issues and concerns of LGBT. This was in september but I do not know when it will be finished and published. Hopefully this will address some of the specific needs you have and will help advise the health care professionals for the future so others do not have to go through any more problems just because of their sexuality.
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That's so great that they are funding a study. Not sure if it will help here in the states but would love to read it.
 
Samboi

Samboi

Location
Australia
GLBTI here. One of the reasons I left the care of my previous Gastro was my perception that he was a homophobe. He has been the only one though. Every other health care provider has been amazing, supportive and professional. My current Gastro is super gay friendly - in fact she saw Kathy Griffin live the other day (same show session as me!! Lol) so I reckon she might be a bit if a fag hag - bless her!!
I kind of forget that gay people are a bit of an issue for some people - so I only notice very very overt discrimination. Silly old haters!!!
 
LindaS

LindaS

I'm not LGBT, but like others, I can't believe there are health care disparities for you just because of who you are. My son has several friends with two moms and it never occurred to me that they would be treated differently by the medical community. I'm sorry you all are dealing with that on top of the Crohn's.
 
J

Jasoncode3

Just new to the forum, and wanted to say 'Hi". I am due to have a R Hemicolectomy on Jan 18th. I am a bit scared, but hopeful that it will give me some reprieve from all of this. It's good to know that there are other LGBT members on this forum.
 
tiloah

tiloah

Hi! Welcome to the forum. Have a look around. I actually had that surgery six months ago, and it was the best decision I think I could have made for myself. I wrote about it in excruciating detail in the link in my sig. If you want to read that or hear other stories about surgery in general, we have a surgery sub forum.

I hope your surgery goes well and you have the best possible outcome. Good luck!
 
Emily

Emily

Location
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
I'm straight but I appreciate this thread nonetheless. I have always been staunchly pro ALL gay rights and I never gave a thought to the issue of health care problems for the gay community mostly cause I guess I didn't know much about it. This thread has been very informative and for that I thank you guys. Really opened my eyes. Plus it gives me an opportunity to jump and and express my love and support. :hug:
 
vonfunk

vonfunk

Bourbon Bandito
Location
Toronto,
I've had a few friends who have raised this concern, and mentioned going out of their way to track down a queer positive doctor due to a great deal of misconceptions regarding the community. Toronto is not so bad compared to other cities our Pride celebration might be the second largest in North America.

I identify as straight because I'm not into cis-gendered dudes and it's just easier than trying to explain the term cis to people.
 
Jonny C

Jonny C

This subject reminds me of what happened when I went to the ER during my very first flare 2 years ago.

ER Doc: So you said you're having blood in your stool?
Me: Yes
Doc: Are you sexually active?
Me: Um... occasionally
Doc: Women? Men?
Me: Why does that matter?
Doc: Well I was just wondering if the bleeding was from having a foreign object in your anus.

So if you're a gay male, avoid NY Presbyterian Hospital. They might just send you home with an ointment!
 
J

Jasoncode3

diesanduhr said:
Hi! Welcome to the forum. Have a look around. I actually had that surgery six months ago, and it was the best decision I think I could have made for myself. I wrote about it in excruciating detail in the link in my sig. If you want to read that or hear other stories about surgery in general, we have a surgery sub forum.

I hope your surgery goes well and you have the best possible outcome. Good luck!
Click to expand...
I read you thread re surgery and I really appreciate it. How do you feel, are you able to eat somewhat normally and exercise? How about pain or flares?

Thanks,
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I just have to say it really warms my heart to see all the straight allies on here who take the time out of their day to just say hello and send their love. It's hard being human, nevermind having IBD and being a sexual minority. Thanks for the love and right back at ya!
 
Angrybird

Angrybird

Moderator
Location
Hertfordshire
Hi there, I just also wanted to add my support to you guys. Until I saw this thread it never entered my head that anyone in the LGBT community would be treated differently so thank you for opening my eyes :hug: It is so disappointing that these prejudices are still alive and strong and like LindaS says it's not as if you don't have enough to deal with what with having this awful disease.
 
Silvermoon

Silvermoon

Moderator
As a healthcare professional, it upsets me to hear that people are treated differently in their care.... for any reason. I am not niave enough to think that it doesn't happen, but it still saddens me.....

That being said, something JohnnyC posted reminded me of a story: I had been married about 5 years and was having a bit of a flare (a lot of my disease is located right at my anus/rectum), and my general practitioner at the time, a very staid, God-fearing middle aged man at the time, blushed profusely as he asked me if I and my husband engaged in anal sex (for reasons that became obvious almost immediately) :lol: .

I just remember him being so embarrased to have to ask the question, but I keep the story in my mind, professionally, to remember that, regardless of sexual oreintation or anything else, sometimes things need to be asked by health care professionals, and some things need to be mentioned to health care professionals, even if we feel uncomfortable saying these things, as they really to give the health care giver a full story of what might be going on in someone's life/body. We are not there ever day to see what goes on in your life that may affect the treatment of your disease, so every little thing you can tell us helps ( well, at least in my opinion) :).
 
Lisa

Lisa

Adminstrator
Staff member
Location
New York, USA
Hey all....I too am straight (But have been known to pretend to be a lesbian to keep creepy guys away! lol)- but have quite a few gay friends (why is it all the really good looking, NICE guys are gay?????).....anyway.....I too feel that no one should be treated any differently due to any reason - sexul orientation, color, religion etc.....
 
J

Jonny

Hey, just joined this site. Unfortunately I kissed a hot guy in Berlin the other night and have a lip with two cold sores... Great. Hope it doesn't effect my crohns as much as my appearance!

Anyway, I didn't tell my doctors back in Ireland about my crohns not because individuals are particularly hateful, but because society still treats LGBT people slightly differently. For instance, calling homosexuality a "life-style choice" in my opinion is like calling crohns a choice - you wouldn't ask for either, but you don't let either upset you

First post on this site :)
 
ekay03

ekay03

My dog has hands!
nogutsnoglory said:
I just have to say it really warms my heart to see all the straight allies on here who take the time out of their day to just say hello and send their love. It's hard being human, nevermind having IBD and being a sexual minority. Thanks for the love and right back at ya!
Click to expand...
Just another ally here. My younger brother is gay, but even before he came out I supported my fellow humans. Life is hard. We all need each other's support. Big group hug from me! :ghug:
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Questions to spark some thoughts and discussion?

1. Do you think coming out to your doctor will inhibit proper treatment?

2. Are you out to your medical care takers? If so, how did you say it and how did it go?

3. Has this disease affected your ability to find or maintain relationships either platonic or romantic?

4. How do you come out to others about your IBD to those in the LGBT community? Do you find that a community has a heavy focus on health and physical perfection are less likely to accept those with IBD?

5. Has this disease affected your sex life?

6. Are the stresses of being gay causing an increase in your IBD symptoms? Trouble coming out, dealing with homophobia?
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Since I asked I'll go first :) also David said if we get enough interest and convo we can have an LGBT sub forum. I think this would be a great source of support for both forum members and lurkers since barely anything exists.

nogutsnoglory said:
Questions to spark some thoughts and discussion?

1. Do you think coming out to your doctor will inhibit proper treatment?

I am afraid that I will be judged and that doctors will be less likely to spend time with me and discuss my care due to their homophobia.

It may be irrational but I'm afraid they wouldn't be as clean about needles or that I'd be intentionally hurt if someone like a nurse really doesn't like gay people. They have all your shots and personal info. Some people out there are nuts but I'm being paranoid.

2. Are you out to your medical care takers? If so, how did you say it and how did it go?

I have yet to come out to any medical care taker.

3. Has this disease affected your ability to find or maintain relationships either platonic or romantic?

Absolutely! I am unable to go out much due to constant diarrhea and fatigue and pain. Friends don't fully understand and think I'm not wanting to hang out. I am afraid nobody will want to date me because of my condition and scars. I know there are those who aren't that shallow but it's a scary thought.

4. How do you come out to others about your IBD to those in the LGBT community? Do you find that a community has a heavy focus on health and physical perfection are less likely to accept those with IBD?

My friends who are gay who know are sympathetic. I haven't gotten into detail because most people won't want to know the details.

5. Has this disease affected your sex life?

I'm not currently in a relationship but when I have been I was always afraid of diarrhea, sex causing more pain and inflammation and my partner being disgusted by my scars.

6. Are the stresses of being gay causing an increase in your IBD symptoms? Trouble coming out, dealing with homophobia?

Definitely. It's not easy being gay in this society and you always have to think twice about wether your safe. I think fear and anxiety definitely contribute to my flares. For me right now the anxiety over whether someone would date me with this condition trumps all else.
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Samboi

Samboi

Location
Australia
1. I am totally out to my GP, GI, CRS, Haemo and frankly - anybody! I look like a guy though - so no being closeted for me - nor would I want to be. My GI is a bit of a fag hag (eg. she loves Kathy Griffin) - so I think I actually get better treatment because I'm gay.

2. As above. Being gay is a total non issue. As it should be. Seriously - who cares these days.

3. My friends are super supportive and very understanding if I cancel or reschedule at the last minute. This year I have missed an engagement, two weddings, a 30th birthday and a very dear friend's 60th birthday. I still get the social invites - I just don't get to attend all the time. I try and entertain at home more these days - so if need be - I can entertain in my pj's on the couch - my friends are ok with that. I aso use social media to maintain my social ties when unwell.

4. My social life is almost entirely gay - it's a total non issue. Lesbians are a pretty forgiving and understanding lot. Might be different for a gay man.

5. I'm single. And a top - so it has never really had any impact.

6. I'm not remotely stressed about being gay. In fact - not even on my radar. I've been out for 20+ years though - so perhaps I'm a bit rusty on the whole fear of coming out thingy. I'm not sure how being gay is stressful though? I'm just a regular person - who just happens to be gay. I'm not treated any differently to any other regular person - as far as I can discern. I had a lady be rude to me in a shop about ten years ago ... a friend had to alert me to the fact that the woman was being homophobic - I didn't even realise. I thought she was just a rude lady in a shop.
 
R

RFarmer

Yeah, I like boyz
I'm half out, half in. I don't run around telling people, but I don't hide it either. I make a big effort to not make a big deal about it, unless I explicitly feel the need to make a big deal about it.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Samboi said:
1. I am totally out to my GP, GI, CRS, Haemo and frankly - anybody! I look like a guy though - so no being closeted for me - nor would I want to be. My GI is a bit of a fag hag (eg. she loves Kathy Griffin) - so I think I actually get better treatment because I'm gay.

2. As above. Being gay is a total non issue. As it should be. Seriously - who cares these days.

3. My friends are super supportive and very understanding if I cancel or reschedule at the last minute. This year I have missed an engagement, two weddings, a 30th birthday and a very dear friend's 60th birthday. I still get the social invites - I just don't get to attend all the time. I try and entertain at home more these days - so if need be - I can entertain in my pj's on the couch - my friends are ok with that. I aso use social media to maintain my social ties when unwell.

4. My social life is almost entirely gay - it's a total non issue. Lesbians are a pretty forgiving and understanding lot. Might be different for a gay man.

5. I'm single. And a top - so it has never really had any impact.

6. I'm not remotely stressed about being gay. In fact - not even on my radar. I've been out for 20+ years though - so perhaps I'm a bit rusty on the whole fear of coming out thingy. I'm not sure how being gay is stressful though? I'm just a regular person - who just happens to be gay. I'm not treated any differently to any other regular person - as far as I can discern. I had a lady be rude to me in a shop about ten years ago ... a friend had to alert me to the fact that the woman was being homophobic - I didn't even realise. I thought she was just a rude lady in a shop.
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I'm happy to hear being gay is mostly a non issue for you. I noticed you are from Australia. Here in the states unlike the rest of the western world being gay is still controversial. America has the highest church going population in the western world and tends to have conservative and puritanical values.
 
stella_luna

stella_luna

Straight girl chiming in to send love & hugs to the LGBT Chronies. It is totally ABSURD for anyone to receive less than the care they need. Maybe it's time for the health care community to start to focus on health care for the LGBT community, the way women's health care has become a major focus in recent years.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
stella_luna said:
Straight girl chiming in to send love & hugs to the LGBT Chronies. It is totally ABSURD for anyone to receive less than the care they need. Maybe it's time for the health care community to start to focus on health care for the LGBT community, the way women's health care has become a major focus in recent years.
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Thanks for you support Stella! It's sad that women's health is under attack. The health community needs to focus on everyone equally.
 
R

randy.stand

Yep, I'm Gay and out. Have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend of only 6 months and perfectly happy, even with dealing with this recent flare up. My consultant has never actually mentioned sex or relationships to me so never brought it up myself.
 
R

RFarmer

nogutsnoglory said:
I'm happy to hear being gay is mostly a non issue for you. I noticed you are from Australia. Here in the states unlike the rest of the western world being gay is still controversial. America has the highest church going population in the western world and tends to have conservative and puritanical values.
Click to expand...


And THAT THERE is your problem! I've got nothing against religion. Except when the religious institute boldly opposes science, and is known for dragging it's heels during every human rights revolution.

Scientific Revolution. Emancipation. Women's Suffrage. Gay rights.

And most religious person will tell you it's different, just like the ones before them.

Yeah, we freed slaves, but women's rights are different. Because the bible says stuff about it! Well yeah, but we interpret the slaves stuff differently!

Yeah, we have women's rights, but gay rights are different! Because the bible says stuff about it, once! Well yeah, but when Leviticus was talking about going to hell for wearing mismatched fabric, he was just.... kidding. He was serious about the gay thing though.

Blah. America.

Sorry if I offended everyone. I just find that religion goes hand in hand with uncritical thinking, especially in north america. And the mideast. lol
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
randy.stand said:
Yep, I'm Gay and out. Have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend of only 6 months and perfectly happy, even with dealing with this recent flare up. My consultant has never actually mentioned sex or relationships to me so never brought it up myself.
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Never heard of the term consultant for a doctor before. That's great that your bf is supportive. How did you break it to him when starting to date?
 
R

randy.stand

nogutsnoglory said:
Never heard of the term consultant for a doctor before. That's great that your bf is supportive. How did you break it to him when starting to date?
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Oh, yes its like the top of the tree as a doctor in the UK. A consultant.

And we were friends for a while and my friends know bits of my crohns but not the full story so he was kinda privy that i had some sort of bowel complaint. And when we got together, he asked me more about it as he saw I was on drugs and stuff. Obviosuly before he had no reason to ask as he'd never stayed at mine so didn't see me taking medication but told him outright and he was cool. Hey we're not all healthy and wonderful. In fact, when i told him about my Crohns he told me about his problem. He had a trapped nerve in his arm and had to have surgery recently, has been in a sling and stuff. Obviously nothing compared to Crohns but good to share these things. He's like my mom though. Because I'm in Nursing the shifts and eating patterns could upset me, heck they're not healthy for a person with a healthy gut, let alone with Crohns and he's always like make sure you take your fruit and yoghurt and eat breakfast before you go and make sure you stay hydrated. Ha ha! Its cute.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
randy.stand said:
Oh, yes its like the top of the tree as a doctor in the UK. A consultant.

And we were friends for a while and my friends know bits of my crohns but not the full story so he was kinda privy that i had some sort of bowel complaint. And when we got together, he asked me more about it as he saw I was on drugs and stuff. Obviosuly before he had no reason to ask as he'd never stayed at mine so didn't see me taking medication but told him outright and he was cool. Hey we're not all healthy and wonderful. In fact, when i told him about my Crohns he told me about his problem. He had a trapped nerve in his arm and had to have surgery recently, has been in a sling and stuff. Obviously nothing compared to Crohns but good to share these things. He's like my mom though. Because I'm in Nursing the shifts and eating patterns could upset me, heck they're not healthy for a person with a healthy gut, let alone with Crohns and he's always like make sure you take your fruit and yoghurt and eat breakfast before you go and make sure you stay hydrated. Ha ha! Its cute.
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That's really sweet! It sounds like you found yourself a keeper. My ex wasn't very understanding when I took pred and raided his fridge. He kept asking why I ate everything he bought lol. He called me a monster hah
 
R

RFarmer

nogutsnoglory said:
That's really sweet! It sounds like you found yourself a keeper. My ex wasn't very understanding when I took pred and raided his fridge. He kept asking why I ate everything he bought lol. He called me a monster hah
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I got called a monster once. It wasn't as a joke, and is the worst memory I have.

SAD STUFF ASIDE, That is a really sweet story. Way to make me feel lonely!

:sign0085:
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
What does everyone make over the Chik Fil A controversy? I'm certainly boycotting but it's easy since there are none near me and it would be terrible on my crohns.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Chik-Fil-A is an American fast food chain that contributes millions to registered hate groups and anti-gay organizations.
 
tiloah

tiloah

nogutsnoglory said:
What does everyone make over the Chik Fil A controversy? I'm certainly boycotting but it's easy since there are none near me and it would be terrible on my crohns.
Click to expand...
Haha, yes exactly. Apparently on the 2nd there was "order a large water from Chik-Fil-A day." I would have participated if I could. Hehehe.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Omg diesanduhr I saw those videos on YouTube and totally would have participated if there was one reasonably close to me. It's disgusting how many hundreds of thousands and possibly millions came out to support them just to show how much they dislike gay people.

When are they going to make a healthy fast food chain that's good for us and supports noble causes.

-Proud Crohnie Against Chik-Fil-A!!
 
C

crohnsguy057

I'm glad I searched for this :)

I'm gay. I'm not sure what to think of Chik-Fil-A. I mean, I'm told Cathy contributed his own personal salary, so I don't think it's a company stance. So, it may just be an issue of Dan Cathy being an ignorant wanker. I think it's funny when fundies complain about Chik-fil-a not being allowed to voice their political opinion, and oreo being allowed... It's not about politics. It's about spreading hate vs. spreading equality.


On a side note, I think the hatred towards interracial marriage is exactly equal to the hatred against gay marriage. Anyone else agree?


1. Do you think coming out to your doctor will inhibit proper treatment?

No, he's a pretty cool guy. But I don't see a need to tell him. See #5

2. Are you out to your medical care takers? If so, how did you say it and how did it go?

No

3. Has this disease affected your ability to find or maintain relationships either platonic or romantic?

I don't, and have never had any romantic relationships. :p Platonic relationships are generally not great anyways: I don't have the greatest manners, except when talking to strangers.

4. How do you come out to others about your IBD to those in the LGBT community? Do you find that a community has a heavy focus on health and physical perfection are less likely to accept those with IBD?

I don't really talk to anyone in the LGBT community. They don't really like me :( I'm not sure they'd be less likely to accept IBD, just less likely to accept the physical problems which sometimes come with IBD. Maybe I'm wrong though: I'm kinda just assuming that the LGBT community is vain.

5. Has this disease affected your sex life?

What sex life?

6. Are the stresses of being gay causing an increase in your IBD symptoms? Trouble coming out, dealing with homophobia?

Yeah. Stress is really hard on me. Many of those who are close to me know I'm gay, but are uncomfortable with acknowledging it. It makes me stress about relationships, etc.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Welcome crohns guy. I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time with stress and socially. Do you think crohns is not allowing you to go out and do stuff?

I know for me I feel like I have no life, I can't eat much, I'm in pain and always dizzy. I can't go out and enjoy life like other young people and it's really depressing. I don't see a solution it's been years of this miserable disease that doesn't stop.

I went to a new doctor who asked my sexual orientation. I was honest and said gay and she said "can I run a hepatitis test on you due to your lifestyle" I think she meant well because hepatitis is a little higher in the gay community but the word "lifestyle" indicates a choice and I didn't choose to be gay anymore than I chose to have IBD. It's just a fact of life. She probably just didn't know what else to say but it's the first doctor to ever ask this and I think it's important for them to treat patients knowing the whole story. I can't imagine how scary that question must be for a closeted person.
 
C

crohnsguy057

nogutsnoglory said:
Welcome crohns guy. I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time with stress and socially. Do you think crohns is not allowing you to go out and do stuff?

I know for me I feel like I have no life, I can't eat much, I'm in pain and always dizzy. I can't go out and enjoy life like other young people and it's really depressing. I don't see a solution it's been years of this miserable disease that doesn't stop.

I went to a new doctor who asked my sexual orientation. I was honest and said gay and she said "can I run a hepatitis test on you due to your lifestyle" I think she meant well because hepatitis is a little higher in the gay community but the word "lifestyle" indicates a choice and I didn't choose to be gay anymore than I chose to have IBD. It's just a fact of life. She probably just didn't know what else to say but it's the first doctor to ever ask this and I think it's important for them to treat patients knowing the whole story. I can't imagine how scary that question must be for a closeted person.
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Yeah, I do think Crohn's is keeping me in. I'm a little bit of an in-house kinda guy anyway, but my disease definitely keeps away most social interactions.

Are you on any meds?

Yeah, I'm not sure. I mean, I can say both good and bad about the term "gay lifestyle", but can't really validate saying it either way. There are cases where it's acceptable, but it's just not really polite or necessary. It's like the n word. It's a word, sure, and some people use it for good, and some use it for bad. But if someone doesn't understand what you mean when you say it, don't use it at all.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I have taken all the meds and right now just trying to control this through the paleo/scd diet. I don't know if it will work but if I need meds in going to try LDN.

I wouldn't say "lifestyle" is like the n word, the anti gay derogatory f word is really offensive but the lifestyle one is more just ignorant.
 
C

crohnsguy057

nogutsnoglory said:
I have taken all the meds and right now just trying to control this through the paleo/scd diet. I don't know if it will work but if I need meds in going to try LDN.

I wouldn't say "lifestyle" is like the n word, the anti gay derogatory f word is really offensive but the lifestyle one is more just ignorant.
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No, I didn't mean in terms of how derogatory it was. I just meant, it's kinda a useless word. Unless someone knows exactly what you mean, and you know it won't offend them, then you really have no business saying it.

tbh, I don't find the f word as offensive. I suppose because it's just a word, with no implications, whereas "gay lifestyle" is stereotyping. It's actively thinking bad, instead of just being stupid and saying something rude.

But, to each his own :p We shouldn't really have to hear either word.
 
C

crohnsguy057

nogutsnoglory said:
What alt therapies? I'm doing a paleo/scd diet and fish oil.
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None that I think are official.

I don't think I could name them: they're certainly unscientific, dangerous, and not very well thought out.

But, IDGAF :p I have a hard time caring these days: medicine has never seemed to work.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
crohnsguy057 said:
None that I think are official.

I don't think I could name them: they're certainly unscientific, dangerous, and not very well thought out.

But, IDGAF :p I have a hard time caring these days: medicine has never seemed to work.
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I'd be curious to hear them anyway. But if they are dangerous why take them?
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I dug up this old post because I had a doctor outright ask my sexual orientation. I think all patients are asked but I was taken by surprise.

I think it's good they ask but I can't help but think of those closeted or who fear they won't get proper treatment. I said I'm gay but think I won't to any other doctors. I just don't see it serving me well and I know about LGBT health since I keep informed.
 
lost kitten

lost kitten

I've never been asked my sexual orientation by a doctor. My specialist once asked if the young man sitting with me in the waiting room was my boyfriend (it was my brother). I doubt he'd have any issue, but don't see any reason to bring it up.
Last time I was in hospital an older nurse who had previously been friendly was pretty rude after she came to give me an injection and saw a girl holding my hand. She made a point of opening the curtains right up afterwards.
 
2thFairy

2thFairy

lost kitten said:
Last time I was in hospital an older nurse who had previously been friendly was pretty rude after she came to give me an injection and saw a girl holding my hand. She made a point of opening the curtains right up afterwards.
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How tacky!!! My sister and I hold hands a lot and have been mistaken as a couple. Geez! How freakin' tacky!
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
lost kitten said:
I've never been asked my sexual orientation by a doctor. My specialist once asked if the young man sitting with me in the waiting room was my boyfriend (it was my brother). I doubt he'd have any issue, but don't see any reason to bring it up.
Last time I was in hospital an older nurse who had previously been friendly was pretty rude after she came to give me an injection and saw a girl holding my hand. She made a point of opening the curtains right up afterwards.
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I think they ask because there are certain things LGBT people are more at risk for, and obviously transgender people may have interactions if they take hormone medications. It's good if they want to know as much about a patient as possible to help them in a holistic fashion but it can be an awkward subject to broach.

That's really horrible that the nurse gave you a nasty look and opened the curtains as if you were doing something wrong simply because you were holding a girls hand. If I was gutsy I would report her or call her out on her attitude. Also, like 2thfairy said some people just hold hands for support or during a shot and it doesn't mean that because they are the same-sex that they are necessarily your partner. Ugh, people are so ignorant!
 
S

Skycruiser

Questions to spark some thoughts and discussion:

1. Do you think coming out to your doctor will inhibit proper treatment?

Based on my experiences, coming out to my physicians has not inhibited medical treatment. So I would like to believe coming out to a physician will not preclude treatment.

2. Are you out to your medical care takers? If so, how did you say it and how did it go?

I am out to all of my medical care takers. My coming out process to physicians often takes place indirectly, as my partner often accompanies me to appointments for moral support. He is also the primary on our insurance and my emergency contact. This information tends to cue providers I am gay.

3. Has this disease affected your ability to find or maintain relationships either platonic or romantic?

Having Crohn's has affected the quality of my relationship with my partner, whom I have been with for four years. However, we both have medical issues we struggle with, which has brought us closer together. We have great understanding and empathy for one another.

4. How do you come out to others about your IBD to those in the LGBT community? Do you find that a community has a heavy focus on health and physical perfection are less likely to accept those with IBD?

I am fairly open about having Crohn's with fellow queer friends and community members, as discussions pertaining to the dramas of life invariably bring up issues relating to health. I find, from observation, that image is extremely important to many people. However, the LGBT community is unique in that despite the community's struggle for acceptance and equality, there is much discrimination within the community. Image in the LGBT community is, I think, used as a tool to defend one's insecurities that arise from discrimination and prejudice from members outside and inside this community. Being a minority exacerbates this situation.

5. Has this disease affected your sex life?

Unfortunately, it has. I try to use the pleasures of sex to overcome the pain and discomfort of Crohn's, since sex releases oxytocin, endorphins, and other pleasurable chemicals. However, sometimes I cannot overcome the pain and discomfort to engage in intimacy.

6. Are the stresses of being gay causing an increase in your IBD symptoms? Trouble coming out, dealing with homophobia?[/QUOTE]

I would like to believe so. I am a big believer that mind and body work together. The stresses of being gay certainly does not cause IBD and its associated symptoms. However, IBD symptoms are greatly exacerbated during stress.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I agree that there is a lot of discrimination in the community. The funny thing is that the concept of a queer community can be questioned as well. I was in an LGBT studies class that questioned this very idea. We all have in common the fact that we are attracted to the same-sex and/or our gender identity does not correspond with our sexual characteristics but aside from that one gay/transgender person may have nothing in common with the next person. The only things that unites us are our differences from our straight peers and the fact that in the face of discrimination and political oppression we unite as a 'community' to demand basic fairness.

Getting back to the discrimination in the community, it is a fear I face as a single gay guy. I am not sure how widely circulated it is that I have crohn's. I would want to tell someone I am dating on my own terms and not have people automatically discount dating me simply because they hear I have a disease. I don't know if most gay men would put up with someone so skinny, with chronic diarrhea and who needs meds and has lots of pain and surgery to manage this disease. I hope I find that special someone who loves me regardless but with so many superficial people out there I don't know if it will happen for me.
 
Samboi

Samboi

Location
Australia
Just to give you a bit of hope NoGutsNoGlory - I had the same worries you have about meeting somebody. I ID as butch and the Butch-Femme community is very small where I live. I thought I might not ever meet somebody and actually had no plans to meet anybody until I was back in remission - which frankly is looking pretty bleak.

Then - out of the blue - at the end of last year - I met somebody.
Our second and third dates were at a hospital.
She has been amazing.
I have days when I can't move from fatigue - so she put a hammock on her front deck for me to rest in. She feeds me organic food. Ships me to appointments. And best of all - she is unperturbed by my Stoma.
She is determined to get me into remission - and it is slowly actually working.
She's a pretty amazing woman and I feel very lucky.
So keep your eye out - there are still some fantastic people in our disparate communities.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Samboi your post really put a smile to my face and made me really happy and hopeful! Dates in the hospital don't sound very fun or romantic but obviously you scored a special girlfriend who really cares and isn't judgmental.

Where is the guy version? =)
 
KWalker

KWalker

Moderator
nogutsnoglory said:
I dug up this old post because I had a doctor outright ask my sexual orientation. I think all patients are asked but I was taken by surprise..
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I have never been asked about my sexual orientation from a doctor. I can't see how that would make a difference.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
KWalker said:
I have never been asked about my sexual orientation from a doctor. I can't see how that would make a difference.
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It shouldn't make a difference but there are a lot of issues that are unique to the LGBT community. We are at increased risk for certain cancers (especially anal cancer when coupled with crohn's), HIV, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, suicide, etc. Other issues revolve around self esteem, dating and general disease issues.

I think a lot of these issues will dissipate with increased acceptance of gay people and more resources available and proper maintenance of health.
 
KWalker

KWalker

Moderator
I could definitely understand that part of it, but at the same time many doctor's are quite older than their patients and therefore often come from a time when being LGBT wasn't as accepted as it is now so their beliefs/personal opinions might hinder the patient from getting proper treatment.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
It's true and I think older doctors are more reluctant to get into the subject matter. Today I had another variation of the problem. My doctor asked if my illness is affecting my dating life. I said it is and who wants to date someone with crohns. He responded by saying "I'm sure many women would date a guy with crohns". It was an honest assumption and he meant no harm but he falls into heteronormative thinking. It's a bit frustrating that people always assume you are straight but I guess that's what happens when you are an invisible minority. Did I just coin a new term? The doctor was fine though just said sorry and repeated his earlier comment and just said men instead.
 
martinF

martinF

Okay, Breathe...this is my first ever post here. I've only just been diagnosed and found this place after a little google search. Anyway...here I go.

1. Do you think coming out to your doctor will inhibit proper treatment?

No it didn't. From the start I put everything on the table so to speak. I mention my boyfriend. One of the first consultants I saw politely asked me to refrain from having anal sex for some time after I'd mentioned my boyfriend. I didn't find it awkward as the thought had run through my mind and i was glad he brought it up. It was common sense really - but it was key that he told me. Sometimes you just need to hear it to be said.

2. Are you out to your medical care takers? If so, how did you say it and how did it go?

Through small-talk. Mentioned my partner. Nothing to worry about

3. Has this disease affected your ability to find or maintain relationships either platonic or romantic?

In bed, I was the passive one. Now not at all. This is just the way it goes.

4. How do you come out to others about your IBD to those in the LGBT community? Do you find that a community has a heavy focus on health and physical perfection are less likely to accept those with IBD?

I have a good network of friends who understand and one even has something similar though not quite the same - a dairy intolerance. So we talk about our diets at length - that's the way it comes out and about. I don't think any of them will ever understand that I can no longer enjoy sex the way i want any more and wish there was something there to redress that feeling i have. Suffice to say i have a loving and understanding partner so I won't complain. I use them to support me however - they prevent me from slipping into depression.

As for the gay community - i don't know. I am not really a man on the scene and i don't date. I may go out to clubs once in a blue moon. Now even less.

5. Has this disease affected your sex life?

Yes. Its changed what i do in bed. But not the frequency thankfully but yes, I was the passive partner. Now not at all. Maybe in a few years my bottom area will be ok..and i can start to experiment once again. But i don't wish to risk it.

6. Are the stresses of being gay causing an increase in your IBD symptoms? Trouble coming out, dealing with homophobia?

Luckily not had to face homophobia now i've reached my adulthood
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Welcome Martin and glad you found us through google. Just out of curiosity what was the search? Gay crohns?

I assume your crohns is affecting your anal region? Otherwise it seems to make no sense that your doctor would tell you to refrain from sex? I have seen a website about a guy with UC who had his anus removed and discusses ways in which he and his partner can still be intimate in that way without obviously doing the deed.

http://gaydigest.wordpress.com/2010/12/07/sex-straight-up-well-maybe-not-so-straight/
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
It seems most of you guys are partnered and I'm happy for you. I'm just a tad jealous of non-crohnies who don't suffer and have someone.

Anyway, Happy Singles Awareness Day or Valentine's Day if that applies. May we all have love and lots of toilet paper!
 
VictoriaSage

VictoriaSage

Hello everyone! I am so glad to have found this thread, I've been really kind of wanting for something like this!

I happen to be a closeted (except to a few select friends) lesbian, and this has always been a concern of mine. I have worried about telling my doctors because of how it might change how they treat me, but at the same time it seems like it is an important thing to discuss with them.

So far I think it's been okay for me to keep it in my back pocket for now because I have never dated and am still single, so there really isn't much to discuss yet anyway.

I know it may become an issue eventually though. Seeing these posts gives me strength and encouragement!

Thanks again and I wish you all the best and that you are able to be as healthy as you can!
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
VictoriaSage said:
Hello everyone! I am so glad to have found this thread, I've been really kind of wanting for something like this!

I happen to be a closeted (except to a few select friends) lesbian, and this has always been a concern of mine. I have worried about telling my doctors because of how it might change how they treat me, but at the same time it seems like it is an important thing to discuss with them.

So far I think it's been okay for me to keep it in my back pocket for now because I have never dated and am still single, so there really isn't much to discuss yet anyway.

I know it may become an issue eventually though. Seeing these posts gives me strength and encouragement!

Thanks again and I wish you all the best and that you are able to be as healthy as you can!
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Hi Victoria, so glad you found the thread and have the courage to come out here as lesbian. It's really scary telling the doctors. What do you realistically think will happen if you do? Where are you from?

I know that there are LGBT and LGBT friendly clinics in big cities where the entire purpose was to be designed to help the population. In NY we have one called Callen Lorde but they don't have a gastroenterologist and that's my main health issue. I could see a regular doctor there if I wanted but its not so convenient.
 
VictoriaSage

VictoriaSage

nogutsnoglory said:
Hi Victoria, so glad you found the thread and have the courage to come out here as lesbian. It's really scary telling the doctors. What do you realistically think will happen if you do? Where are you from?

I know that there are LGBT and LGBT friendly clinics in big cities where the entire purpose was to be designed to help the population. In NY we have one called Callen Lorde but they don't have a gastroenterologist and that's my main health issue. I could see a regular doctor there if I wanted but its not so convenient.
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I have no idea what would happen if I did tell my doctor. And that is the worrying part really. It could be perfectly fine, or it could be a huge disaster (like not being taken seriously or the doctor not wanting to treat me in the same way). I'm in Rochester NY right now, but from Wilmington NC originally.

Those clinics sound pretty amazing though, however I'm kinda stuck with certain doctors because of my insurance.
 
VictoriaSage

VictoriaSage

Oh wow, thank you so much! I wasn't aware of these actually, since I have just recently moved here. I will certainly have to get involved! Thank you again!
 
annawato

annawato

Moderator
Staff member
Just came across this thread and wanted to say I am horrified that any medical personnel would treat someone differently based on their sexuality, or race or religion for that matter. Horrified but perhaps not surprised given some of the crusty old nurses and doctors I've met. We are all equal No matter what our sexuality.
In the same vein it would be awful if someone judged a doctor or nurse on their sexuality. My gastro is gay and the most wonderful understanding doctor I've ever had. I feel lucky and priveleged to have him.
So welcome and hello to all the LGBT cronies here. My wish is for great understanding and acceptance from the general community for all of you.
As an interesting aside, Australians do seem to be more accepting of LGBT than Americans, probably because we don't have the religious far right in as many numbers, but we are still unable to legalise gay marriage whilst quite a few US states have.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
annawato said:
Just came across this thread and wanted to say I am horrified that any medical personnel would treat someone differently based on their sexuality, or race or religion for that matter. Horrified but perhaps not surprised given some of the crusty old nurses and doctors I've met. We are all equal No matter what our sexuality.
In the same vein it would be awful if someone judged a doctor or nurse on their sexuality. My gastro is gay and the most wonderful understanding doctor I've ever had. I feel lucky and priveleged to have him.
So welcome and hello to all the LGBT cronies here. My wish is for great understanding and acceptance from the general community for all of you.
As an interesting aside, Australians do seem to be more accepting of LGBT than Americans, probably because we don't have the religious far right in as many numbers, but we are still unable to legalise gay marriage whilst quite a few US states have.
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Thanks so much Anna. It is crazy that people would be treated different for whom they love. Why does anyone care? It sounds like you have a great doc which is great and wonderful he can be out. I'd imagine many doctors are closeted for fear patients won't come to them.

You are right that the U.S. is more religious and conservative but things are changing quickly because even in the small towns people are coming out. It's hard to rail against gays when it's your daughter, your brother, or a best friend.
 
martinF

martinF

Generally my experience with the IBS clinic in central london has been on the whole so far pretty good when i mention my sexual identity. And, I've had one or two jokes from my straight mates who i told who took to humour to understand what i am going through. I've even made a joke about it all - you have to go to humour don't you? I mean, lets be honest here...I loved anal sex. Now I can't really do that and damn that frustrates me as much as totally changing my diet and working my entire day around the toilet. So yeah, as a gay man this situation is the pits. While my friends have been amazing about it when I told my brother about it he DID blame my sexuality which kicked off a huge argument as you can imagine. So friends, medical practitioners and most members of the family have been great but it has been difficult.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
MartinF I can't believe your brother blamed your Crohn's on being gay. What era and planet is he from? Crohn's is an equal opportunity hater and will strike whether you are black, white, male, female, gay or straight. Is he suggesting because you have anal sex that somehow because that area can be effected in Crohn's that it triggered it? There is no research whatsoever on that.

Also, for anyone else interested please join our LGBT & Straight Allies Support Group here on the forum at: http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=47953
 
M

MikeSA

Hi all,

First post here :) I'm from South Africa, have Crohn's and am gay. I found the site by chance searching for information relating to medical aid schemes. I plan to do a General Howdy in the welcome section when I have the time.

It's quite comforting to find others within the LGBT community who share similar issues, and I hope to use this forum more frequently in the future.

As for those facing issues with LGBT-specific problems within their sexual/intimate relationships: The only advice I can deliver is if your loved one is not 100% supportive of your condition and your health/lifestyle requirements, debilitating or not, then it can't possibly be worth your while.

And that also goes for GP's - homophobic or not. :)
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Hi Mike I think once you are with someone and they find out you have IBD than they would have to be a jerk to leave you over that. I'm not sure however how many people would start dating someone they know has a chronic disease.

Are you out in South Africa? I know that even though your constitution has marriage equality and protections it is pretty anti-gay over there from what I hear.
 
M

MikeSA

Yes I am out. Yes, in some instances and within some groups/areas homophobia is still rife.

Yes, I agree, outside of a relationship it can be quite difficult. Although hetero's might face similar issues in this regard, the GLBT community has added problems, as detailed above by some of the others. :)
 
martinF

martinF

nogutsnoglory said:
Welcome Martin and glad you found us through google. Just out of curiosity what was the search? Gay crohns?

I assume your crohns is affecting your anal region? Otherwise it seems to make no sense that your doctor would tell you to refrain from sex? I have seen a website about a guy with UC who had his anus removed and discusses ways in which he and his partner can still be intimate in that way without obviously doing the deed.

http://gaydigest.wordpress.com/2010/12/07/sex-straight-up-well-maybe-not-so-straight/
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Thanks for this - i just saw it NGNG :) Sorry for the tardy reply. :) Yup....its affecting the butt area. After ever time I go...wash down there just cus it feels a bit painful. I dont think i could ever embark on sex around that area at the moment. Thanks for the link...will check it out.
 
nogutsnoglory

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
Sorry your anus is affected by the disease. I am irritated down there due to diarrhea but my inflammation and scar tissue is in the small intestine and colon.

I don't find the over the counter creams helpful for anus irritation but Sitz baths do seem to help. I haven't had sex in a few months because I'm not in a relationship but I do worry about this constant irritation for when it does come to that. Hopefully the medication will stop the diarrhea and my skin can heal.
 
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