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Living in Denial

Hi everyone...
Well, I was diagnosed with Crohn's/Colitis on February 14, 2002, had about 14 surgeries in three years to put me back together...including resection, ileostomy, rectal advancement flap x 8, skin grafts and then finally, a reversal. I was a pretty sick young woman. But, made it through and regained a great deal of my life back with the help of my G.I., and Remicadee. I was part of the initial Canadian group chosen for the Clinical Trial in 2002. I was on the drug for 12 years, and progressed from 8 week infusions eventually to five weeks. I began to develop severe respiratory infections and I am a smoker as well.
Two years ago, I spent most of my time with pneumonia and delayed infusions until I would be well enough to get the next infusion. The day after, I would wake up with pneumonia again and it would be a couple of months of recovery and then I would get another infusion and so the story goes.
I went off Remicadee in July of 2012 after many bouts of pneumonia and never had a cold until one week ago. It is pretty severe but manageable. I have also been developing 'boils' in the vaginal area x 2 and a large golf-ball on my butt check. And so back to Toronto General Hospital I go after not seeing my G.I. for a year and a half and I have to say, I was pretty proud of myself, (Gloating, in fact but just to myself), that I haven't had to see him and that I could live my life like I did before the Valentine's Day Diagnosis. That is what I call it...VD Day and it was a life changer. lol
I am still a smoker and age 49 but a good looking 49....a musician..was so happy to start playing again after being so sick initially...and now, I am getting sick again, I think. The is where the denial comes in...I have these 'boils', saw my G.I. yesterday and he is booking me for an M.R.I. with strict instructions to quit smoking..(YIKES), so I can go back on Remicadee. I am grateful for a loving, supportive partner who has lived without sex for a couple of months and is my rock. (lol..he is a good man and I am so thankful he is mine). But here I am again..And really don't want to believe I am. So that is my story today and nice to meet all of you..:):stinks:
 
Hi, Tracey! Welcome to the boards!

I'm so sorry you've been through such a tough time. I lived in denial as well before I was diagnosed. I had myself convinced there was nothing wrong with me and it would just sort itself out. So I kinda know how you feel. Then I finally got help, got my life back together, and had another major flare. Everything felt like it was crumbling beneath me, and it was difficult to face the limitations I had again, after having regained my normal life.

Here's the thing... if you procrastinate, and don't give it your all to get better, you may never reach that desired state of normalcy again. You may never feel like you've gotten your life back. It sounds like you've got some pretty scary things going on, and you have every reason to be freaked. But you've proven that you can get through tough obstacles already. And as they say, it's not how many times you get knocked down that matters, it's how many times you get back up. Follow your true inner instinct and the guidance of your doctor. There are brighter days ahead. You just have to reach a little to get them. ;-)
 
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