Sorry mods if this is not allowed. This is my story.
Hi everyone, my name is Kristan, and I got a life threatening Crohn's when I hit puberty.
Before puberty, I was raised by an abusive mother and neglectful father, in mostly social isolation at a sparsely populated retirement village. Before that, we travelled in a semi truck on my dad's long haul trucking job, hiding from the inspectors in the sleeping compartment. Eventually they crashed the truck and got serious injuries.
My parents were disease deniers and anti-psych, and tried to deny that I was sick at all, even spanking me repeatedly to get me to stop acting sick.
I was homeschooled until second grade, and I had to be taken out of fifth grade because I was too overwhelmed by fatigue and whole body pain. My parents also didn't believe in the public education system either.
In total, when we did live somewhere, we ended up moving more than 10 times before I was 18, never staying anywhere too long.
Mom was very submissive and self sacrificing to my dad, and passed on her feelings of helplessness onto me and my twin sister with frequent yelling and beatings. We lived in abject poverty, with dad juggling their debt on as many as 15 credit cards at once!
They taught me to fear other people because they are all demons. When I went to 2nd grade in public school, I was terrified for my life, and afraid that they would treat me like my parents treated me. Luckily I'm smart, good test taker, but I stayed almost silent usually, so no one ever suspected anything was wrong, also I only had one friend. I was always exhausted from the stress and anxiety, and always getting beatings for being lazy and not doing my chores and homework and being cold because they kept the house cold and I didn't have warm enough clothes.
Right after my Crohn's got diagnosed and I started to stabilize, my mom got sick and crazier than usual, and soon died of cancer. We knew she had it before I was diagnosed, and moved to be near her parents out in the country for her final days. I hate the country life, it's dirty and I got sick a lot, and I was allergic to everything, and forced to mow a huge field with a push mower even though I was malnourished and in constant pain.
I was doing horribly in middle school, but no one seemed to notice or care. Even when a teacher tried to repremand me in private for bad grades, after I told them what was wrong, they didn't do anything about it. After mom died we moved back into the city where I went to elementary, to finish off high school. I did my four years, like a convict, and had to quit. Life was getting more and more overwhelming, and my depression started getting extreme.
I almost died several times after I was diagnosed, in my opinion it was due to parental neglect. My dad was working all day every day at his favorite dead-end minimum wage job, too busy to notice anything. We never threw a ball in the front yard, he never taught me anything, never helped with homework. He only took me to the hospital when I couldn't go to school or bathe anymore and my infections were getting very gross. No one ever visited me at the hospital.
Wait, it gets better! When I turned 21, dad agreed to take me to DSHS, which is the state govt social services. I needed to accomplish something in life, I am extremely ambitious, so motivated that despite my extreme suffering, I pushed myself to work with DVR, which offers job services for disabled people. That was my first abysmal experience with how people view people like me, but it also helped me find a good friend who has a lot in common with me healthwise.
Well, anyways, back to puberty. I discovered that it is the most horrible excruciating experience that will ever happen to anyone in early life. I developed some adult needs that I had no possibility of filling, which multiplied my depression exponentially. Becoming an adult was far worse for me than the Crohn's, despite having been bedridden in constant pain and unable to bathe without assistance until I stabilized. Technically my Crohn's has never been in remission, and I'm on one of the most expensive medications for it, probably for the rest of my life. Luckily I haven't had to have any serious surgery.
So, that brings me to my current situation. I was done talking to quack therapists. I was ready to die. But I never give up. It was an odd feeling to be sure! I couldn't rely on the public health system to fix me, so I paid someone to connect me to an organization that set me up in an apartment place, where I now live. My joint pain totally vanished when I left home! All I have left to contend with is that nothing seems to work to renew my energy. I even tried working out for six months, on a very well designed exercise and diet plan, never skipping a day, to minimal results.
Finally, I get to the point of my post title. I have discovered that I can function normally, feel good, in fact feel great, if I have someone, preferably a woman around my age, to care about. I've spent so many years trying various things, and I've figured out a lot of remedies, but my main problem now is that I can't find anyone to love. I've tried dating sites, even paid for membership. I've gone on three first dates, that's it, that was before I turned 25. Now women expect a guy to have a job, a car, a good education, dating and romance experience from past relationships, all things I can't pursue on my own.
I feel hopeless. I can't kill myself. I can't give up. I can't get out. Please help!
I'm financially stable and relatively independent. I'm positive, I'm not a complainer or a hater. I don't need special care. I'm a kind and caring and generous gentleman. I just need a loving woman to have a serious (real life) relationship with. I don't expect perfection. I don't really know what to expect. I do know that I attract introverted sapiophiles with troubled pasts, and I fall easily for skinny girls with big eyes.
Hi everyone, my name is Kristan, and I got a life threatening Crohn's when I hit puberty.
Before puberty, I was raised by an abusive mother and neglectful father, in mostly social isolation at a sparsely populated retirement village. Before that, we travelled in a semi truck on my dad's long haul trucking job, hiding from the inspectors in the sleeping compartment. Eventually they crashed the truck and got serious injuries.
My parents were disease deniers and anti-psych, and tried to deny that I was sick at all, even spanking me repeatedly to get me to stop acting sick.
I was homeschooled until second grade, and I had to be taken out of fifth grade because I was too overwhelmed by fatigue and whole body pain. My parents also didn't believe in the public education system either.
In total, when we did live somewhere, we ended up moving more than 10 times before I was 18, never staying anywhere too long.
Mom was very submissive and self sacrificing to my dad, and passed on her feelings of helplessness onto me and my twin sister with frequent yelling and beatings. We lived in abject poverty, with dad juggling their debt on as many as 15 credit cards at once!
They taught me to fear other people because they are all demons. When I went to 2nd grade in public school, I was terrified for my life, and afraid that they would treat me like my parents treated me. Luckily I'm smart, good test taker, but I stayed almost silent usually, so no one ever suspected anything was wrong, also I only had one friend. I was always exhausted from the stress and anxiety, and always getting beatings for being lazy and not doing my chores and homework and being cold because they kept the house cold and I didn't have warm enough clothes.
Right after my Crohn's got diagnosed and I started to stabilize, my mom got sick and crazier than usual, and soon died of cancer. We knew she had it before I was diagnosed, and moved to be near her parents out in the country for her final days. I hate the country life, it's dirty and I got sick a lot, and I was allergic to everything, and forced to mow a huge field with a push mower even though I was malnourished and in constant pain.
I was doing horribly in middle school, but no one seemed to notice or care. Even when a teacher tried to repremand me in private for bad grades, after I told them what was wrong, they didn't do anything about it. After mom died we moved back into the city where I went to elementary, to finish off high school. I did my four years, like a convict, and had to quit. Life was getting more and more overwhelming, and my depression started getting extreme.
I almost died several times after I was diagnosed, in my opinion it was due to parental neglect. My dad was working all day every day at his favorite dead-end minimum wage job, too busy to notice anything. We never threw a ball in the front yard, he never taught me anything, never helped with homework. He only took me to the hospital when I couldn't go to school or bathe anymore and my infections were getting very gross. No one ever visited me at the hospital.
Wait, it gets better! When I turned 21, dad agreed to take me to DSHS, which is the state govt social services. I needed to accomplish something in life, I am extremely ambitious, so motivated that despite my extreme suffering, I pushed myself to work with DVR, which offers job services for disabled people. That was my first abysmal experience with how people view people like me, but it also helped me find a good friend who has a lot in common with me healthwise.
Well, anyways, back to puberty. I discovered that it is the most horrible excruciating experience that will ever happen to anyone in early life. I developed some adult needs that I had no possibility of filling, which multiplied my depression exponentially. Becoming an adult was far worse for me than the Crohn's, despite having been bedridden in constant pain and unable to bathe without assistance until I stabilized. Technically my Crohn's has never been in remission, and I'm on one of the most expensive medications for it, probably for the rest of my life. Luckily I haven't had to have any serious surgery.
So, that brings me to my current situation. I was done talking to quack therapists. I was ready to die. But I never give up. It was an odd feeling to be sure! I couldn't rely on the public health system to fix me, so I paid someone to connect me to an organization that set me up in an apartment place, where I now live. My joint pain totally vanished when I left home! All I have left to contend with is that nothing seems to work to renew my energy. I even tried working out for six months, on a very well designed exercise and diet plan, never skipping a day, to minimal results.
Finally, I get to the point of my post title. I have discovered that I can function normally, feel good, in fact feel great, if I have someone, preferably a woman around my age, to care about. I've spent so many years trying various things, and I've figured out a lot of remedies, but my main problem now is that I can't find anyone to love. I've tried dating sites, even paid for membership. I've gone on three first dates, that's it, that was before I turned 25. Now women expect a guy to have a job, a car, a good education, dating and romance experience from past relationships, all things I can't pursue on my own.
I feel hopeless. I can't kill myself. I can't give up. I can't get out. Please help!
I'm financially stable and relatively independent. I'm positive, I'm not a complainer or a hater. I don't need special care. I'm a kind and caring and generous gentleman. I just need a loving woman to have a serious (real life) relationship with. I don't expect perfection. I don't really know what to expect. I do know that I attract introverted sapiophiles with troubled pasts, and I fall easily for skinny girls with big eyes.
