I have a mini-vent.
I'm so, sooo grateful that my crohns is in remission. I still have diarrhea if i don't take my painkillers (which I always do, for a separate reason.) And I still get cramping every morning, but it's alright. I'm healthier now, and that's good. But I just found out that I have a tumor on my right ovary and it will have to be removed. The whole ovary, not just the tumor. It has been my ultimate life goal to have children. And now I'll only have one ovary.
I also just got told that I may have multiple sclerosis. I see a neurologist sometime in the next couple weeks, and I see the gyn surgeon soon, too. The tumor might be cancerous, but if it is, it's very, very treatable and I should be fine. I'm more worried about the ms. I keep going blind in my right eye, and I shake and go numb very often. It's more embarrassing than anything, but the thought of being in a wheelchair later in life scares me. Everything about this scares me. And my family is really worried too, which I hate. I don't like to concern them, but I had to tell my mom.
I get LRQ pain every day from the tumor, which I thought was from crohns. I'm glad it's not, but my drs told me that the pain won't go away until the tumor is removed. And, in addition to the tumor, I also have this thing called a teratoma ON the tumor. This is basically my unborn, undeveloped twin. It has hair and teeth in it, plus lung tissue and skin. It's absolutely disgusting.
I'm having a really hard time taking all of this in. I'm getting pretty depressed, but sometimes I forget about it and then I'm ok.