My boyfriend has crohn's- I need a guys advice!

[Mell]

Hello everyone!
I am currently dating my best friend who has Crohn's disease and I admire him everyday for how amazing of a person he is. However, there is one thing that, although I know he loves me very much, is hard to get over.... he seems to have no sexual attraction to me at all for the past few months. Although all of the other wonderful things about our relationship greatly outweigh this, I cannot help but feel like he is not attracted to me and as I try to be supportive I cannot help but have my feelings and confidence hurt by his rejection of me physically. Are there any Crohn's guys out there that would have any advice/ wisdom for me?

Best,
Mell

 

[Jpow]

Hi Mell! I am glad that you are a very supportive towards your boyfriend. Please do not be hurt by this lack of attraction towards you. I'm sure that he would very much like to express these feelings towards you, but it might be hard for him right now. Crohn's can make everyday life a struggle. He may have a flare right now and he might be in pain but just doesn't show it. Even if he is not in a flare, Crohn's can make you generally not feel well. Keep supporting him, he needs it. I hope he gets better and I hope everything goes well for you and him!

 

[Mell]

Thank you, Jpow, for your comments. I know he has expressed to me that this is something alot of people with crohns go through, so I have tried very hard to not take it personally.

 

[Kev]

This disease can really mess you up... I have internal scar tissue, it causes me episodes of pain on a daily basis... which I can neither predict, avoid or plan around. Regardless of how attractive I might find someone... when those pains hit, even a miracle wouldn't let me express it physically (Hmmm, I hope I'm conveying my meaning subtley enough)..
That can be extremely hard on the male ego... it can also be frustrating, aggravating, welllll, you get the idea. I mean, I had these pains crop up at the worst possible times.

The other thing this disease can do... is cause a person to de-value themselves. For the longest time... I felt... damaged... unworthy... depleted.. like I didn't deserve anyone. It took me a while to get my head on straight....

And, final thought... we guys can be... well, multi tasking isn't our forte'... so maybe we see just one task in front of us... dealing with this disease.. and are blind to everything else...

 

[carla_marie]

I'm not a guy, but I'm a girl who's got Crohn's who has little to no sexual desire at the moment....I don't know for sure because this is all relatively new to me, but I have a feeling that my medications are causing my lack of libido...Perhaps this might be the case for your boyfriend as well?

 

[Mell]

Thank you Kev. It is very relieving to hear that you have felt this as well and it does not mean that you were not "attracted" to them. That was my main concern. It was ironic that almost an hour after I posted this, my boyfriend came over and the first thing he said was "god, you are so beautiful". Thank you for sharing your opinions Kev.

 

[Mell]

And carla marie as well...thank you for sharing. I think medications do a lot to him both physically and emotionally as well. My hope is that him and all of the other crohnnies out there find their perfect cocktail of meds and care to make them feel well again.

 

[Kev]

You are welcome... and he is right, you are beautiful. My point? Well, shows my eyes aren't affected by my disease... and that I'm a dirty old man (and proud of it) and that this disease CAN/DOES knock the stuffing out of us fellows even in the face of beauty.

However... part of the problem is with us males (sick or healthy).. we sometimes totally overlook the need to state the obvious. But I'm betting hearing him say it made a lot of the problem easier to deal with. Believe it or not, we males simply don't understand that.

 

[Ribo]

Don't discount the effects of any medications and treatments as well. For example, after being on Prednisone and blowing up like a balloon, I can't imagine inflicting myself on my spouse - I look and feel hideous! It has absolutely nothing to do with not being attracted to her - quite the opposite!

Not only that, but frankly there are periods when, as others have said, attraction has nothing to do with it. There are times - sometimes weeks or months ata time - where you just feel so cruddy as well as Unappealing that the idea of sex is far in the back of your mind.

 

[AJC - Australia]

it might be the opposite…..he might feel repulsive in himself.
all we need is love, da de dad de dah
all we need is love, love love
love it all we need.

 

[crohn's boy]

nice man

:hug::hug:

Hello everyone!
I am currently dating my best friend who has Crohn's disease and I admire him everyday for how amazing of a person he is. However, there is one thing that, although I know he loves me very much, is hard to get over.... he seems to have no sexual attraction to me at all for the past few months. Although all of the other wonderful things about our relationship greatly outweigh this, I cannot help but feel like he is not attracted to me and as I try to be supportive I cannot help but have my feelings and confidence hurt by his rejection of me physically. Are there any Crohn's guys out there that would have any advice/ wisdom for me?

Best,
Mell

Here I am I'm a guy with crohn's it not that he is not physically attracted to you he is crohn's disease personally will and can do these thing's it's ok you don't have two worry.

 

[Brenden]

Like others have said don't take it personally. Crohns can have a huge mental effect on people, mood swings, depression, anger etc. My girlfriend knows when i'm not feeling good the last thing on my mind is sex. Also us men are not normally ones to talk about our feelings. You obviously really care about your boyfriend to be posting on here so you are defiantly on the right track

Best of luck

 

[Jabo]

When I guy with Crohn's is having a flare, the body doesn't really want sex. Think of trying to have sex while having the flu and temperature. It isn't exactly like that, but it certainly has an effect. Hopefully you can stand by him and after he is healed, he will have a lot of energy and try to make up for the lost time. hahaha