• Welcome to Crohn's Forum, a support group for people with all forms of IBD. While this community is not a substitute for doctor's advice and we cannot treat or diagnose, we find being able to communicate with others who have IBD is invaluable as we navigate our struggles and celebrate our successes. We invite you to join us.

My struggle being gay with crohn's

Hi everyone, My name is Tommy. I'm 24 and live in the Northeast US with crohns disease. I was diagnosed at 21 years old and it has been the most difficult challenge for me to face in my life.

Growing up wasn't easy for me. I loved playing with girl stuff, and being around girls. I made friends in me neighborhood and had great times, but when it came time for school, i despised it and was very shy. At 14 my dad found gay porn on our computer's internet history, and he shamed me in front of my family. Tough times continued into high school where i managed to make friends, realizing i was gay, and slowly digestive issues circled in (diarrhea, bloating, acid reflux, etc) . Maybe because I had given myself such poor self esteem through the years and hiding my gay-ness.

I came out as gay to a few friends in and out of high school, finally experienced love and had my heart broken, and once again was in a dark place. I smoked mj in college and went for a harder drug with friends once, and it was a bad trip. Soon, i was in a depression with anxiety, maturing at the same time age 21, i started distancing myself from friends and even my first physical boyfriend. Two weeks after the breakup i noticed blood in the toilet and soon after all hell broke loose, prompting my diagnosis in 2011.

I was attending college in SC and the gastroenterologist was an idiot. Suggesting I will have to be on medicine for the rest of my life and never be able to hold a job, and my questions about dietary changes or supplements recommended by my families Naturopathic doctor were gawked at. I blamed myself so much for trying that drug that got me into a depression, for not caring for my body over the years (even though I was slim, working out and thought to be eating well). I remember waiting for my sister to leave our apartment so i could cry on my bed and ask God, "Why?!"

This is when I turned fear and defeat into a big challenge. I began researching online real nutrition and what it meant to treat my body well. I saw a few different naturopathic doctors in conjunction with a better gastro doc and before I knew it, was experimenting with different diet protocols, supplements and lowering the dosages of my medicine.

While my crohns has been relatively tame compared to others who battle the disease (maybe 1-3 flare ups during the year that last 3 weeks), i still have large fears. I'm gay. I want to have sex, i'm versatile. These are real issues, and finally nearly two years after diagnosis I was intimate again with a guy, which released some of the pent up fear.

I want to be strong, do right for my body and accept whatever challenge it may be holistically, that can maintain my body and gut's well being. I took up yoga/meditation a few years ago, my mom re-introduced me to God, as a faith, not a religion and I continue to seek treatment from this amazing naturopathic doctor in our home-state, Vermont. I feel blessed, but have recently been on the verge of a flare.

I'm 24 now, graduated with my MFA down south and am looking for work in the tech industry. I'm looking for love at the same time. And i want to improve my physique. I've always been slim/toned at 140-145, 5"9 and want to build my body because when I flare, i feel so small.

Life has been incredibly tough for me, but i don't think i'd will this disease onto anyone else because I feel like i was given a challenge that i am somewhat able to handle, even though day in and out, i don't know the outcome, but i trust in my faith and what i'm doing that I can make it through.

Here is my regimen, which has taken hours of research and $$ worth of my doctors visits to come up with:

-multivitamin, vit. D 5000iu, asacol 800mg, LDN (low dose naltrexone) 4.5mg nightly, InflaGuard 8capsules daily, 100% gluten free, lactose free, omega 3 fish oil, VSL#3 probiotics, wise women suppositories #2.

During a flare I stick to UltrainflamX (protein shake product designed for crohns flare ups), home-made bone broth soup, no grains, no sugar, aloe vera juice (inner filet).

I truly hope I don't come off sounding like a no-it-all, everyone has their own way of dealing with crohns and i totally respect that. This is what works for me, and it hasn't been easy, as it hasn't for you either, i'm sure.

I often wonder if my emotion has made me 'psychosomatic' and that my family has impacted me, being gay as well. Life is so, so dark when i'm flaring and so very light when i'm not.

Thanks for reading.


Hey Tommy I'm so sorry you have gone through so much struggling and pain. I also share difficulty when I was coming out and it was so emotionally hard on me and I always wonder how much of that influenced my predisposition to getting crohns. I also found that after a breakup with my boyfriend that my symptoms flared horribly. I know stress affects my IBD and I like comfort and knowing im loved and accepted.

It sounds like stress may play a big role for you as well and I hope you find a boyfriend and good support system ftom friends in different support or social groups for LGBT ppl or crohns in your area. Not sure where you reside but I can see if there are resources by you.
Thanks for the support, its refreshing to find a forum that discusses being a minority within a minority. A great support group within itself. I will have to look into resources. :)
Tommy as you can see you are not alone and I am now realizing I am not alone. Depression is one of the toughest things to battle when dealing with Crohn's. I was so happy to read this because it's inspiring. You are so young and you have taken control of your life at a time when people are generally lost. I hope we can be friends on here. I don't know anyone locally who has it so I turned to this site to gain some sort of support system. Good luck and God bless!