Hi my name is jess and I'm new to this forum. I decided to join because well for the past hour I have found myself crying alone silently and the support of someone. Today i went to my GI surgeon and she told me that the last surgery i just had in october did not work and that i will need to have another more aggressive surgery to get rid of my fistula that is going from the right Bartholin's gland to my rectum. They had placed a seton in august 2012 and removed it and tried the glue?!? idk in october last year but that didnt work so now i need to actually be cut up. Again I'm not new to crohn's i have had it or well diagnosed since 12 so thats half of my life. Now the crohns had always giving me fistulas in my intestine and thats one thing but now the rectum is just too much to handle. Im a young woman and feel so uncomfortable with the situation that is going on. But thats besides the point i can put vanity aside the real issue that is affecting me is how afraid i have gotten of the mere thought of surgery i have had 6 in total and 4 of those 6 in the past 3 years. So i have been very sick. And that is affecting me, im always a very happy person but lately it has made me think what if i have one more surgery and then dont wake up, how much can my body take, or worse idk because i have been so sick lately i have been thinking what if all the meds im taking can lead to the big C. I really dont know what to do. And how to get out of this funk half the time i think my family thinks my pain is my head. Or that im making things up.So i cant talk to them about it. I know im just being nervous for no reason but still just need someone to talk to about all this.