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Orchid's Intersex Expedition

Orchid

Banned
Today I got to start my 300mg of Spironolactone, after the radical personality change from going from 100mg to 200mg I'm wondering if I'm going to end up The Most Bubbly Woman Alive from this. Well that and I have to go get bloodwork done with my endo to make sure I'm not dying of hyperkalemia. Hate the electrolyte labs because they're fasting and I'm so empty headed I'll eat a cookie and suddenly remember "Oh...oh".
 
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Orchid

Banned
300mg may have done it, over the past few days I've noticed my facial hair growth has been extremely retarded and my chest hair finally stopped trying to move back in. If I shave I don't have the permanent five o'clock shadow a lot of physically male people have anymore and friends have noticed the change. It's been really good for my psyche. I can't wait to see what happens when I go from 1mg of estradiol a day to 2mg in June.
 
That's great news Orchid! I personally hate shaving, luckily I was blessed with having very little hair (don't hate :p lol). Have you seen the hair removal thing called NoNo? Apparently it does work, and will help make your hair finer. So does waxing :)
 

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I don't really shave, I like to be all natural lol. I do trim though but thought no no was no no good lol. Do you use It at all kero? It seems to good to be true but I'd try it. Especially like that to shave near my ostomy.
 
I don't use it myself, but a couple of my friends have. My hair is too blonde and fine for the thing to "see" it, lol. Even after not shaving my legs for the whole winter
 

Orchid

Banned
As a redhead my hairs are mostly blonde so they're also invisible, but feeling them, knowing they are there is not great for you mind. Feeling them go away is. :)
 

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
So the no no reviews look pretty bad and I didn't realize it's like $300!

Orchid can you do laser removal? Not sure how much that costs but I hear it's very effective.
 

Orchid

Banned
I live on disability and food stamps, so no :p

Hung out with a local transgroup today, was a little annoyed they picked a coffeeshop as the meeting place but we're meeting at a garden in the future so all is well. :) Ever since the 200mg kicked in I've gone from being an introvert in a group of already introverted people to the most outspoken and loud person in pretty much any trans gathering. It's very odd to notice that kind of change in yourself so quickly. I like new me, she's way more fun then that person who I was beforehand.
 
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nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I live on disability and food stamps, so no :p

Hung out with a local transgroup today, was a little annoyed they picked a coffeeshop as the meeting place but we're meeting at a garden in the future so all is well. :) Ever since the 200mg kicked in I've gone from being an introvert in a group of already introverted people to the most outspoken and loud person in pretty much any trans gathering. It's very odd to notice that kind of change in yourself so quickly. I like new me, she's way more fun then that person who I was beforehand.
That's excellent that you feel more extroverted and social. Do you chalk it up to the medicine directly or do you find that because the meds are helping you transition that you just feel more comfortable in your own skin and therefore are blossoming.
 

Orchid

Banned
Former, I literally went to bed a sad introverted person one day and the next I was all like "you know what's fun? TALKING TO PEOPLE!" and bright and chipper. Weird to go from "I think you need some extra consoling on socialization and maybe classes" to "You should be a comedian!"
 
That is awesome Orchid! I would say it kinda helps that you can let your true self out :D I have a friend that is FTM Trans, and once the hormones kicked in and he was growing facial hair and getting more male attributes, he really came out of his shell. I have unfortunately lost touch with him over the years though, and I had a huge fall out with his sister and mother, so don't talk to them anymore
 

Orchid

Banned
With the good comes the bad, my dark moods are darker then they've ever been but it still seems worth it. My mood might be poor but I still have an overall positive outlook, which I couldn't say I had before. Stuck ruminating on the paradox of suffering in the world and my belief in a loving God and it's a really powerful form of anxiety/depression I haven't seen in years.
 

Orchid

Banned
Better mood today! My erratic sleep schelude and extreme tiredness meant I slept from 1PM yesterday to 10PM, and then sleep AGAIN today from 8AM to 4PM. I think I need Entocort. :p Bright side, I INTERVIEW TO GET ANGUS TOMORROW.
 

Orchid

Banned
I will! Little guy is gong to eat better then me, I already have a pound of Blue Buffalo for him because feeding cheap food just makes things more complicated later and leads to awful stinky stools. His heated bed should also get here by the end of the week. He was described as a nervous cat so I'm wondering how many boxes etc to leave out for him low or go cold turkey and try to get him to use high places right off the bat.
 

Orchid

Banned
I haven't gone into remission since I was diagnosed in February and the Cimzia isn't quite cutting it on it's own it feels like and I can't take Prednisone because of the risk of psychotic symptoms. Especially now since there is a probably going to be a small life in my hands.

And that's fine NGNG! I love dogs too! They're so HAPPY about everything and it is adorable. Bit too high energy for me though. People who engage in pet tribalism just weird me out and it comes across an extension of personal insecurity. :p
 
I am so excited for you! I hope you get Angus :) He seems like he will be a wonderful addition :) BTW my dog is smaller than most cats, lmao She only weighs 7.5 lbs
 

Orchid

Banned
He must never shut up. Almost every small dog I've met, even the well behaved ones, has come across as intensely neurotic about defending their space. Cleaning up the apartment and getting all the cat stuff properly set up, blasting Pelican's Forever Becoming. I love the nervous, sort of cramped, depressed feeling of the whole album but especially the first song, Terminal. Album cover is also gorgeous and I'd love to put it on my wall.
 
Suprisingly my dog isn't yappy :) She will bark once or twice when someone is at the door, but once she greets the person, she is fine. People are really suprised at how quiet she is, but she was trained to not bark her head off all the time :D
 

Orchid

Banned
Good, untrained small dogs are THE WORST.

EDIT: Managed to work myself into doing the dishes too! I hate those. Being super anxious does weird things to you.
 
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EDIT: Managed to work myself into doing the dishes too! I hate those. Being super anxious does weird things to you.
When I get anxious or upset I'll wash all the dishes or do lots of other chores. At least I'm channeling all that pent up energy into something useful, though it isn't a conscious thing.
 

Orchid

Banned
Angus status: hiding under my bed. Going to feed him in an hour or two.

EDIT: I've mostly been leaving him in there, sometimes I crack the door and see him sitting on things and it gives me the stupidest grin. Going to feed him dinner after I finish my scrambled egg sandwich. And I made up the wet tuna soup thing he's supposed to eat - he's amazingly picky I've been told and he'll only eat wet food that's been mixed with warm water and microwaved for five seconds. Thankfully because it's high quality cat food this just means my apartment smells like fresh tuna and not like the garbage in bad cat food.
 
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Orchid

Banned
Angus is still eating better then me, the cute little fucker. His food smells so good since it's this human quality meat soup that almost looks like borscht. I can't tell if my chest hair is still growing or not so I'm going to ask my endo about more serum estrogen/testosterone level testing and if my CD is interfering with the uptake of my HRT medication. Hope it's not because the only injectable solution to antiandrogens is a monthly injection that costs 3000 USD a hit.

EDIT: He also apparently does not appreciate EDM, Knife Party is the scariest stuff since fire trucks and fans.
 
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Orchid

Banned
Turns out an affectionate cat that follows you around is really annoying when you're trying to practice mindfulness and/or pray! I had to lock the poor guy up for a while and it made him sad, he's really nervous in the way an insecure dog is. This guys previous owners must have been really bad. In the future I'll exercise him senseless before I get into that state of mind, it'll probably help relax me anyway.

Working on Kierkegaard for the first time since my psychosis took root, Three Discourses on Imagined Occasions has taken on a new life for me, the concept of Hidden Inwardness and his ideas about our faith have a sudden and perfect clarity. The intensely personal nature of belief and one's inability to define it Faith has gone from an esoteric equation to something as simple as breathing for me. The dumping the contents of the objective world for a brief time lead to some subtle shift in mindset that I've only slowly grown to understand.

On the other hand I've largely grown away from his ideas on morality, his idea that God gave us a simple divine command to go forth and do right until he totally comes down from the sky and tells you to do otherwise seems almost childish and quaint when these decidedly libertarian ideas made sense to a less religious self. Now I see perfect, clear lines of morality, like hairline fractures in a long bone.

Trying to figure out how the deeply personal, intimate, and subjective nature of faith interlocks with an objective morality is really difficult. But then again faith is a journey, at least for me. A sequence of questions and fears that somehow end up being more reassuring then daunting.

I am sorry for getting so far up my own ass. I spend too much time thinking about silly things. :p

EDIT: OH MY GOD HE MEOWED FOR THE FIRST TIME. It was so cute and scratchy and tiny.
 
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Orchid

Banned
Pills, 100mg white scored tabs. Spiro has a weird thing about always kind of...minty but this kind tastes even fresher then the last.
 

Orchid

Banned
Angus status: acquired a month of his food today, and the treats that I often have to mix therein to get him to eat anything, the annoying little fucker. Nothing really to report on the HRT front, my dark moods are vastly darker then they were before but I honest to god like that. The emotions contained therein seem far more real and they're easier to act on and as a result and the pain helps improve my writing. Maybe one day I'll be published authahahahahah

Pictures: My cat eats better then you. Not your cat, YOU He's also cute beyond reason.

Please excuse the blurriness, I blame my brief course of antipsychotics and B12/iron deficiencies.

EDIT: gonna clean and try and take some more. :p
 
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Orchid

Banned
Well, it's a nice beautiful day buttt I need to stay inside because I have therapy tomorrow and on Saturday, the big transmeeting. Having to sit on your hands just to make sure you feel alright the next day is draining, to say the least. Especially on a beautiful Oregon midspring morning. I wanna go buy fancy polish and hang out with friends. :(

In brighter news: I'm very excited about May as a month of awesome video games. Endless Legend just went into open alpha and it's already the best fantasy 4X I've seen this year, easily beating even Age of Wonders 3. A big game from my childhood is also coming to Steam! I played so much Age of Mythology when I was an annoying twerpy teenager. The Internationale 4 qualifiers start this month so that's two months of nerds slugging it out for the chance to play for several million dollars in Seattle! But mostly importantly, TRANSISTOR IS COMING OUT! The next game from Supergiant studios, the guys who made Bastion.

I am going to be SO NERDY this month.
 
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nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I can relate, I always have to plan ahead and save my energy because otherwise I can't attend things I want to. It's the smallest things even but I know I need to psyche myself up to have the energy and motivation.

The Trans meeting sounds great, is that a meetup group or just a group at your local lgbt community center? I find support groups so helpful and have made great friends who just get it whether it be crohns, ostomy, lgbt stuff over the years.
 

Orchid

Banned
It's a trans only group (we explicitly exclude allies because even though they're nice, sometimes you just need to get rid of the icky cissexual, hetrosexual, normative borings and have a safe space) that meets at a local house and is mostly just do what you please and very focused on breaking into smaller groups. I have a lot of friends there and I've been helping people pursue HRT and trying to get into contact with the two members with CD (they rarely show up due to tiredness).
 

Orchid

Banned
Big month! I've been busy with relationships and volunteering. Got back together with a previous partner. The new perspective and the much intense, but also controllable emotions have made our relationship so much more productive and happy for both of us. She even thinks I'm more attractive since I've started presenting as a lady. I guess being a tall skinny redhead with long legs helps there. I don't think we'll repeat the mistakes that ended our relationship before. So we get to make new even worse mistakes in a few years, WE'RE SO EXCITED!

Started volunteering with the local animal shelter where I adopted the cat formerly known as Angus - I call him Lithium these days because he's small, energetic, and helps with my mood swings. Though I'm pretty sure I can't put him in my camera, sadly. It's cathartic to be able to dedicate my life to animals again and be out in the community flirting with other pretty girls.

Best news: I'm in remission. My GI started a course of Budesonide that finally put the beast to bed, I'm going to do it for another month to make sure it's well and truly asleep and blood testing to poke it in the face with a stick a little bit to make sure it's not faking. It's amazing to eat things like really rich pizza, greasy burgers, and cheap chinese again and discard those awful dietary restrictions that made eating so unfun. Still can't eat as much as I used to though. :( The whole "able to be on my feet for more than ten minutes" thing is kind of a nice fringe bonus I...guess?

EDIT: Goddamnit Lithy stop getting in my way while I make scrambled egg sandwiches. YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE SCRAMBLED EGGS.
 
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Orchid

Banned
It's petition season here in the great state of Oregon and it's driving me up a wall. Any enjoyable walk in town with R (my partner) is interrupted with five different people all pushing the same petitions: legalize weed, let independents run on the state ballot, label GMO food (icky sticky crazy organic types), and privatize liquor sales in the state. I've memorized all the pitches and I'm pretty sure R has too. I'm going to try and change my name and sex this month, really eager to do that. I'm thinking of taking up knitting or crocheting again so my hands have something to. I've always been a very fidgety woman.
 

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I know they had enough signatures for gay marriage but than it was passed by a court. I wonder if that's going to still move forward. If you have your legal gender changed and your partner is female would you be permitted to marry as a same-sex couple?
 

Orchid

Banned
Because of the court decision since May 19th marriage equality is a reality in Oregon. The state even waived the three day waiting period between requesting a marriage license and performing a ceremony for gay couples for the rest of the month. Also slow down there kid she's not walking me down the altar yet! I might love her but I'm only in my mid 20s! I'd like to wait till 30 before I get married so I don't end up a statistic on how unstable modern marriages are. I also have really mixed ideas about marrying a woman with Cystic Fibrosis because the median of age survival in the US is 37.4 years. I mean Lumacaftor and Ivacaftor exist and would drastically extend her life but they make biologics look cheap, they're approximately 1,400 dollars a day. That's a half a million dollars a year.

But I do love her so that makes for quite an awful choice.
 
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Orchid

Banned
I've forgotten what it's like to not have some kind of cough at this point. We're pingponging upper respiratory infections between one another pretty hard right now. Who knew having a partner whose lungs are a bacteria breeding ground has consequences for someone on immunosuppressants?
 

Orchid

Banned
Holy shit I hate tobramycin. Third day in a row where I wake up feeling like I'm going to vomit my brains out. "Narrow therapeutic index" in-fucking-deed. Bright side: I don't have the gene that lets it destroy your hearing!
 

Orchid

Banned
Sports bras really chafe, goddamn. Given the breast size of other women in my family I probably shouldn't be buying fitted bras yet because they're going to end up outgrowing them within a month or two. Woke up early today and ate eggs with R and watched MST3k :3 She's going to be moving into my apartment this weekend so there's going to be quite the shuffle. Last night we got some awesome pizza from a local place, covered in garlic and bell pepers with crust soft as a cloud. I find it adorable how R insists the proper way to eat any pizza is with a knife and fork. Silly girl! :p
 

Orchid

Banned
I get to volunteer today! R and I are going out for waffles from an awesome local place beforehand as breakfast. She's willing to pay for Lupron injections for me so I don't have to take Spiro anymore! That makes me so happy. She's got a bunch of classes and there are kitties to love and ladies to flirt with for me. I figured out where she's hiding the rings and they're gorgeous bands of welded titanium, I can't wait to wear it.
 
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Orchid

Banned
I continue to make poor life choices this week. In addition to getting engaged Tuesday morning I got a tongue stud today. R and I were eating a yummy Prosciutto, Pepper, and Pepperoni pizza and I admitted that I've wanted a tongue stud for a few years and she got that look in her eyes and that cute little smile.

"So why haven't you?"

I feel like it's time to stop being meek in my life. I've been a scared, small woman for a long time who stuck to what felt familiar. I need to step out and take what I want and make some mistakes along the way. R is really great for helping me that way.
 
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Orchid

Banned
We haven't discussed those details yet. Because I've started the name change process I couldn't take her last name for another year, and I'd like to have it. So I'm guessing we'll wait at least a year. Also it feels like someone shoved a goddamn stapler in my mouth. I've been popping antihistamines so it's not swelling much but it still REALLY hurts.

And now I want to get a goddamn nose stud.

Clearly, I don't learn my lesson.
 

Orchid

Banned
I wish my breasts would stop aching constantly. Between this and the respiratory infection it feels like someone is storing a few pounds of bricks in my ribcage. I guess I know what my fiancee's life is like everyday at least. :p
 

Orchid

Banned
My respiratory infection is finally starting to let off and the tobramycin side effects are getting to me much less then they did at the start of my treatment. Going in for kidney function tests later this week. Tongue stud is hurting a lot less but I still can't handle solid food, very little swelling and I'm going to say that's the antihistamines and Cimzia. We're going to have a little party this weekend to celebrate moving in together again and our engagment, half a dozen of our close friends and hopefully my stud will let up enough for me to enjoy the pizza R is ordering from our favorite local place.
 
Sounds like things are going very well for you! Congrats on your engagement :D

I have my tongue pierced too. I found it very annoying to have to constantly rinse out my mouth, but it's worth it. Hubby sure likes it ;)
 

Orchid

Banned
Had a bit of a setback last night, I pushed myself too hard thinking I was over my PTSD and had a huge panic attack. We were picking up some to-go ramen from our favorite local ramen shop, I was going to drink the yummy broth and she was going to eat the noodles, pork, corn, and bamboo. Except the place was insanely loud, pushy, and full. All the things I struggle to handle, even with R I broke down within five minutes because I ignored all the signs. I feel so bad for R when my panic attacks do happen because I'm mortally afraid of everyone, her included, so she has to watch me curl up and sob for an hour and can't do anything.

Luckily I'm feeling completely over it this morning. Still a little tired, we'll get ramen today instead. :) And yes Kero, we're both very excited to take this tongue stud for a...test drive when I'm done healing. Sadly only lips kisses until then. :(
 

Orchid

Banned
Thankfully, my tongue was recovered enough for me to nibble on some pizza during our party! There is nothing like pizza with a throwback Dr Pepper and rye whiskey (or bourbon, or vodka) :) My tongue hurts little enough that I'm not dipping into the last of my tapentadol from breaking my arm last year to deal with it anymore.
 

Orchid

Banned
Nothing like breakfast in bed. :)

I can eat consistently again if I take really small bites and chew gently. The pain is almost entirely gone, it's simply tender and sensitive now. Argued with the endo about when I can get my Lupron injection. I wish they'd let me do it myself. :p
 

Orchid

Banned
The earrings and the tongue stud have opened a big world to me, I've wanted tattoos and piercings for a long time and feel like the moment has come for me to start exploring that part of myself. In five years I could see myself looking like I had a threesome with a stapler and a printer if I like how things start. There are two major contenders for my first tattoo, a stylized representation Tlazolteotl - a goddess of adulterers, filth, and purification. It speaks to my dualistic nature, the romantic and the cynic both inside me. The other option was Ophiuchus, the Serpent, and the 13th sign of the Zodiac. I'm quite fond of reptiles, snakes especially, they're beautiful intelligent animals that approach locomotion in a hypnotic way. :)
 

Orchid

Banned
R got into a study for Lumacaftor, the drug that treats the genetic error that causes her CF, Δ0508. It's the most common form of CF. We spent all night celebrating! It means she has a chance to live a longer, healthier life, and may never need a lung transplant. I was so happy I ended up crying in her arms, it's like my prayers have been answered.
 

Orchid

Banned
The studies for Lumacaftor have all been extremely promising: in every case of CF based on Δ0508 the progression of CF has stopped. The slow spiral of lung damage and the clearing of mucous from the air passages has caused serious improvements in patient lung functioning, up to 7.3% in some cases. She'd still have CFRD (Cystic Fibrosis Related Diabetes) for the rest of her life and about 50% lung function, which could improve up to nearly 60% based on study data but she'd still see massive improvements in quality of life. I'm imagining her able to sleep through the night, every night, without Zaleplon because she's not hacking and coughing in her sleep, not having days so bad she can barely move because her lungs are some sort of horrible salty grotto for every respiratory disease known to man, and most importantly, living to be old and gray with me. :)
 

Orchid

Banned
There was always a part of me that...whispered, in the dark of the night when we laid together, or in our happiest moments.

"Don't get too close, she's going to die young."

She's my fiance and the love of my life so the voice hurts so much to imagine watching her die and how'd it feel to bury her. It was from a really mechanical, defensive, part of mind. That part I've been trying to grow past being ruled by. We've talked it over a lot but this helps so much in making it quieter.
 

Orchid

Banned
So I get to come out to my fiancee's parents as female tonight, and tell them we're engaged AT THE SAME TIME. It's going to be an awesome dinner, I could sell seating to this shit.
 

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
I'd like to buy a seat because I love people's reactions and psychoanalyzing everyone. Do they know you as male currently or just know you as female but don't know you were bio male/assigned male at birth?
 

Orchid

Banned
Went better than expected, there was only one screaming match! Her mother hates my guts now but her father, who liked me even when I was a morose broody man who never smiled, was curious, a little confused, but ultimately open to it. He screwed up my pronouns a lot but always corrected himself and apologized and he was very good about my name. Which is more important to me because I hate my old name so much it hurts.
 
R got into a study for Lumacaftor, the drug that treats the genetic error that causes her CF, Δ0508. It's the most common form of CF. We spent all night celebrating! It means she has a chance to live a longer, healthier life, and may never need a lung transplant. I was so happy I ended up crying in her arms, it's like my prayers have been answered.
Awesome. Hope it works out.
 

Orchid

Banned
Was supposed to volunteer today but R is having a very bad day, so I called in sick so I can take care of her. She looks so small and scared when she's sick. :(
 
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Orchid

Banned
I just cooked what I think are the best scrambled eggs of my life. Scrambled dry and a little gritty, just how I like it. Spiced with garlic, sea salt, and black peppercorns. Mixed with pickled carrots and habaneros pickled in my secret pickling mix (teasers, it also has garlic/cinnamon added and the habaneros and carrots are pickled together in it and is insanely dill) along with actual dill pickles from pickling mixture. And finally topped with yellow mustard and Blair's Megadeath hot sauce. It was sour and spicy enough to get five stars from both of us and chase Lithium out of the bedroom with the capsaicin fumes. It was just crunchy and grindy enough to be pleasant and the sheer assault of sour and peppercorns masked the heat until it sucker punched you about a minute later.
 

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
"Intersex expedition". I likes the title change. Sounds so adventurous! Sad thing is most probably have no clue what intersex means. I hate when people say hermaphrodite as that's not only biologically impossible but also offensive to people who are intersex.
 

Orchid

Banned
I have Klinefelter's. I think I forgot to mention it in this thread because the diagnosis came during a really busy part of my life where R and I were just starting to get back together. It's a genetic condition where I have an extra sex chromosome. Instead of being born XY, like most assigned male at birth, I was born XXY. I had my suspicions for a while. I barely gained masculine features in puberty, look 15 at 23, have the classic unnatural reedy long limbs of those with intersex conditions, have an extremely soft round face, low energy levels, coordination issues, and other signs that can't be discussed in polite company. My endo thought I was being a hypochondriac and it was amazing to watch him stuff that crow in his face when the karotype test came back positive. Being intersex instead of transgender means the insurance company suddenly has to bend over backwards for me since there a different laws applying to those with intersex conditions.
 

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
You mentioned it somewhere but possibly another thread. Is it just a simple blood test? If so, all trans people should probably have it checked out because i have heard quite a few times of trans people who didn't know they were intersex and it may help with medical options for both those who are pre/post and non op.
 

Orchid

Banned
Yes, a karotype test is where chromosomes are isolated and stained with suitable dyes. A researcher then uses their highly sophisticated ocular interface to observe the resulting chromosomes. Intersex conditions have been recognized for much longer than Gender Identity Disorder and so there are a different set of laws and requirements around them even if this has little effect on my actual life. I've been told as a result I should regularly consult a cardiologist to catch aortic valve problems early, but otherwise, still the same nerdy reedy redheaded girl. They sent back a cool picture that I kind of want to have blown up and put on my wall. :)
 

Orchid

Banned
So today my best friend and I had a huge argument over things best not discussed in public, suffice to say it involved my engagement. She made me choose between her and R, and that was an easy choice but still a painful one - we're not friends anymore. It's going to be amazingly awkward since we enjoy many of the same local food places and most of our close friends are shared. Asking someone to make that choice is horrible, how can you not know how it will end? I feel like crying, she's someone who helped me through so much and now we'll never watch bad anime again together again, or get burritos at 3AM for the hell of it, and she won't get to come to our wedding - I was going to ask her to be my best woman.

And that's what hurts the most. :(
 
Uh, yeah, that kind of question is loaded like a nuclear warhead. =\

Maybe this person will come around at some point, and realize that losing you as a friend hurts far more than whatever they were upset about.
 
Sorry to hear of your BFF breakup :( I think breaking up with a friend is even harder than with a SO. Big (((((hugs))))) to you Orchid
 

Cat-a-Tonic

Super Moderator
For what it's worth, I had to break up with my best friend a couple years ago. She was a compulsive liar and she created so much drama - I'm much better off now without her in my life. Yes, it sucked for awhile and I did miss her at first, but in the long run it was absoluely for the best. If your friend gave you a crazy "it's her or me" ultimatum like that then I am betting you'll probably be better off without that friend in your life, too.
 

Orchid

Banned
I know you're right in the long run, but for now it just hurts. At least I have R, she's the most beautiful, tough, smart, and sweet woman I ever met and seeing her smile at me every morning with the purest love I've ever seen is worth it.
 

Orchid

Banned
Sorry I haven't posted much these past few days. R has prescribed a rigorous regimen of hugging, kissing, and cuddling. It's helping but it still stings, I really miss I. The crying is mostly over and now I just feel that feeling of a thousand things you'll never do together again.
 

Orchid

Banned
On the bright side, the graphic designer is supposed to get back to us today with a rough draft of our wedding invitations. :) Sometimes it's really shocking to look at her left hand and see that band of anodized titanium and then realize I'M WEARING ONE TOO OH MY GOD I'M MARRYING THE MOST AWESOME GIRL EVER.
 

Orchid

Banned
Our invitations are amazing so far, they're exactly what we want. :) The things we do for love, I'm going to let a doctor stick a huge needle in my testicles to see if they can draw out enough genetic material for IVF when we ready to have a child in a decade. The idea of me as a mother is absolutely terrifying at this point.

"Mommy, what's "humane"?"

"More than they deserve"
 
I think I've come to terms with the idea of never having biological children... I wouldn't want to pass on genetic vulnerabilities to all the crap I've had to deal with.
 

Orchid

Banned
I was of the same mind. I have genes for Crohn's, depresssion, schizophrenia, and worst of all, I'm a carrier of Δ0508. That's the genetic error that R has a pair of that causes her CF. Any child we have as a result has a 50% chance of having Cystic Fibrosis. On the bright side Lumacaftor should be on the market in a decade so it'll simply be annoying to our child if they get it - they'd have to take it everyday for their whole life but that's it.

But R is a clever woman and she's been working me down.
 
How exciting that you guys are talking children! Being a mom is scary, but so rewarding at the same time. The smiles, the tears, all of it is amazing :)
 

dave13

Forum Monitor
Location
Maine
Hi Orchid

My coworker has been quite amused with her partner.He is having hair grow on his back-f/m trans-and keeps asking her to look because he feels there are spiders crawling on him.I admit I smile a bit picturing him trying to look over his shoulder to see if he has cooties.

I hope your expedition brings you happiness :)
 

nogutsnoglory

Moderator
That is funny dave I sometimes feel like that too and I'm a Cisgender guy but my fibromyalgia makes me sensitive to weird sensations. Yesterday I thought a cat touched me and it freaked me out but it's just those nerves over active.
 

dave13

Forum Monitor
Location
Maine
My coworker can be quite mischievous...I mean caring...and I'm sure she did all she could do to help alleviate his 'cootie' feelings. :)
 

Orchid

Banned
Somehow, R has never seen the X-Files so we've been watching them together slowly but surely. Finally on the second season! Nothing much has happened the past few days, kinda slow. On the transition front I've started to become sensitive in my breasts, it's an odd sensation.
 

Orchid

Banned
We've finally made it to season four! In other news, they retrieved enough genetic material for a few attempts at IVF when we're ready for it, We'd like to wait a decade and change before we have a child. Having a child in your twenties strikes us both as overly hasty. We have lives to live and a marriage to forge.
 
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Orchid

Banned
X-Files project has stalled because she wants to rewatch Twin Peaks. :p In other news our life has been relatively quiet, I discussed switching to Entyvio with my doctor because Cimzia causes major complications because of R's CF - I'm constantly catching her infections and Tobramycin, the antibiotic used to defend against and treat many CF related infections, consistently knocks me on my ass for days from the vomitting, intense vertigo, and headaches. She claims you get used to it but I think she's the cutest little liar on Earth right now.

We just started reading One Hundred Years of Solitude, I'm a horrible sucker for cyclical stories, especially ones about how we're shaped by our pasts. It's great to finally get out of my genre fiction funk and sink my teeth into real literature again, especially when you have someone who loves arguing about lit in bed next to you every night. :)

Also, FUCK YEAH POST 666. :3
 
Yeah... knocking my immune system back down again is something I'm not looking forward to once I start Humira. I've been having sinus issues over the past week or so, so I've held off on taking the loading dose in case it was an infection. At this point I think it's more likely to be allergies, though.

And congrats on the diabolical post milestone. :devil:
 
I've been having sinus issues over the past week or so, so I've held off on taking the loading dose in case it was an infection. At this point I think it's more likely to be allergies, though.
The ragweed is pretty high around here for the last week or so; I expect the same for you.
 

Orchid

Banned
Yeah, you could see if some OTC antihistamines help unless there's a reason you can't take them that I can't remember. God I'm a forgetful bat and I'm only 23 going on 24, the hell am I going to be like at 50.
 

dave13

Forum Monitor
Location
Maine
50 isn't that bad,I'm gonna be 51 next month.When replying to a thread I do have to keep scrolling back to re-read what I'm answering...I've only done it twice for this post.I think it was only twice...I can't remember. :)
 

Orchid

Banned
R finally gets to start her Lumacaftor/Ivacaftor trial as soon as we take a trip to the CF clinic in Portland and do some baseline lung function tests. I'm desperately hoping she doesn't get placebo. I'm so excited for my little pinch of salt to finally get medication that could let her live to be old and grey with me. :3 It's really profoundly terrifying to lay next to the woman you love with all your heart and hear her breathing so poorly every night, to help her out everytime she has a hacking fit and you think to yourself "Will this be the one that sends us to the hospital?" to see her years dripping away like melting ice in the hot sun because of her disease. I just want to hold her so tight and pretend that means she can't disappear in those moments.

We finished 100 Years of Solitude and the Flame Alphabet and now we're starting Life and Death are Wearing Me Out by Mo Yan, a lot of our friends have been raving about his work and I think we could use something light after those two books.
 
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