Party!

Mercury1 · Mar 10, 2015

Hi Guys,

I have a problem and need some advice. Currently I am 6 months post-surgery but I still have a problem eating (have to run to the bathroom right after I eat). I know I don't need to say anymore, you guys understand.

Anyway, I was invited to a party Saturday night. From what I was told it's going to a crazy party, and 35 people will be there...and one bathroom. If I do attend, I won't be able to eat anything...for obvious reasons.

I don't know the people throwing the party very well, but they seem to really want me to come (I guess Im a fun guy, lol) but there are a few problems. First, parties like this, when I know very few people, give me anxiety. Second, I still get sick if I eat, and have to run to the bathroom. Third, I have not been feeling well in general.

Do you think it's best just to tell them I am not feeling up to it? I don't want them to think I am just blowing it off, but I just cant handle social situation like this. Thoughts?

Thanks so much!

AmyIsHere · Mar 10, 2015

How far away is the party from you? If it isn't far, you could always just pop in. Let the hosts know in advance that you won't be able to stay long (you could let them know that you haven't been feeling well, or just tell them you have prior engagements...I count sitting around in my pajamas as a prior engagement, if that was my plan for the evening, so it's not a lie.

). Then you're free to stop by, say your hellos, and leave if you feel uncomfortable or unwell. Or, if you end up knowing some people and are feeling ok, you could always stay longer. (Prior commitments were changed/cancelled, etc.)

Probably not plausible if they live a long distance from you, but it's an option if the party is close enough!

AmyIsHere · Mar 10, 2015

I've been thinking about this some more, and wanted to add that if it is something that is going to worry you, stress you out, or cause you anxiety, then I would say don't go. My favorite way to decline an invite is to politely say I'm unable to attend, but that I'd love to spend time with the host(s) at another point doing ______ [activity that doesn't involve food, in this case]. And then I actually pick a date and plan something so that it doesn't seem like an empty promise. That way they know the declined invite isn't personal, and you still get to spend time and get to know them better, but somewhere that you feel more comfortable. And when you are feeling better.

UnXmas · Mar 11, 2015

What kind of party is it? Will not eating be an issue? A "crazy" party sounds like you could avoid eating and amidst all the craziness no one may notice.

Then you just have to decide whether it will be worth the stress for you or not. Can you take a good friend with you? That can makes things far easier.

Mercury1 · Mar 16, 2015

Thanks! I decided I wasn't up for it so I didnt go. It was St patricks Day and the food was ordered..and spicy. I would not have eaten. I will try the next one. Thanks.

UnXmas · Mar 16, 2015

I've found people don't mind if you go and don't eat, or only eat a little. Don't sacrifice your social life just because you can't eat like everyone else. But I know in this case you had other reasons for not going as well, so it's good to hear you didn't force yourself to go through unnecessary stress.

mikeymac · Mar 16, 2015

Its funny when I was young I would have said Heck yeah lets party. Usually a wild and crazy party for me meant lots of drinking and other. I feel that helped cause my crohn's and I have to admit. Now, I would be so afraid of having a anxiety/panic attack. If I did go, I would make sure that I was driving, that way I wouldn't have to worry about a friend holding me up. But since I quit all those things I have no friends.

EvieBaby · Mar 24, 2015

I can't do meals out with my friends any more because I always end up running to the bathroom which I find embarrassing. Luckily now I just go to my friends houses to eat and drink so I know there's a toilet nearby. I hope you can make it to the next one!