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Pity Party ...come on in and grab a snack..

Does anyone feel like they are being punished with having to suffer with this disease? Or like you did something in a former life that was really bad? What did I ever do?! I guess there is no answer to that one huh? Just feeling "damn, why me?!" I have so much to do and when I am so tired all the time and can't even do the damn laundry...well, makes you want to scream! Thanks for listening to the rant...back to the laundry that is not going to do itself...


Punctuation Impaired
Sorry Carolyn....The fatigue is the worse part for me as well...I can work through pain and diarrhea, but it is so hard to motivate myself to do mundane things like laundry when I'm sooo stinkin' tired. I don't believe I'm being punished for some wrong I've done...Even though it sure does feel like it!!!(There are plenty of evil people in this world who don't have chronic illnesses. )I don't believe in reincarnation either...Who the hell would want to go through this crap again??? Not me! Do you mind if I join your party???
Oooh, can I come too? ;)
It sucks doesn't it? And I can;t help feeling a little annoyed at all the 'bad' people out there who never get anything wrong with them! Maybe there is some truth in the saying that we are not dealt a hand we cannot handle?


Yeh, I feel the same way.

I am at the worst stage of it all, as I still do not know if its cancer or chrones and I just sit here reading trying to suss it out.

My worst problem is cramping at rest (in bed) and light headed feelings and eye pain and bleeding when I go to the bathroom.

2.5 weeks to go before my colonoscopy!

I too wonder what I did to deserve this, and then I think back to how I lived my 20's. Eating fast foot, lots of curries, chilly, beer and nothing but coke for daily drinking. (I never drink water).

So I am a very large man and feel this was my own doing.

I have lost 15 kilos (bout 30 pounds) in 2 months WITHOUT dieting, thats how sick I have been.

Maybe this was meant to be, the only way I would wake up and take care of myself.

Better to get chrones at 30, get fit and eat well, than to die at 40 from a heart attack.

Guess we should look into the positives!
My Jer always says, "I know I'm invited to your pity party, but I'm not coming!" :)

I'll come to yours though! Heck, I'm already there! Where's the punch?

I don't think it's fair to blame yourself. People do that because they like to believe that they have some control over things like this; like if they could just do the right thing then life would be better. Think of it this way. Would you blame a baby born with aids? Of course not! Would you think that any of us deserved what was happening to us? I don't think so. If you wouldn't be hard on others about illness, then don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people.

Now, stop hogging the chips and turn up the music! I'm coming up so lets get this pity party started!!!
I hear ya Ezequiel...I lost 35lbs in about a month and a half and seriously thought I had cancer and nobody was finding it - I never had the bleeding though just the diarrhea and pain and fatigue...all of which the fatigue is now the worst - I too ate all the wrong foods but I know people who ate really healthy and got this disease too so don't beat yourself up too much - some days I know it is so hard to stay positive and you just wonder if someone somewhere is punishing you for something you may have done in this life or another ....that's how it feels sometimes for me...Let us know how your scope goes ...
shazamataz said:
Oooh, can I come too? ;)
It sucks doesn't it? And I can;t help feeling a little annoyed at all the 'bad' people out there who never get anything wrong with them! Maybe there is some truth in the saying that we are not dealt a hand we cannot handle?
I know! Don't you hate all the bad people who seem to be healthy! I wanna scream "here, have this for one day!" Okay, this doesn't get us anywhere I know but it makes me feel better knowing others have these same wicked thoughts too lol
CHIPS!!! I haven't been able to have chips in years! What do they taste like again? Thanks for the memories Jer's Girl lol And the punch is laced with alcohol so drink up! Can you just see us Crohnies drunk? All the BS we've been through - the cops would be called for sure! lol

forum contributor

Captain Obvious
The punch is spiked, b/c RiS is here!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

I've brought the best/worst foods, since this IS a pity party.

Can't stay long b/c I need to get a ton of stuff done before my surgery... then you're all invited to my pity party next week!

I expect you all to bring horribly great foods and spiked drinks!! :D
Okay, on the food list I have hot chili peppers, raw veggies of various varieties (a bit of aliteration - I'm working on my English essay) bran muffins, oatmeal, spicy mexican food and chinese dishes...all foods that make me violently ill!!!! Feel free to add to the list - it is a pity party after all...Did I mention we have wall to wall toilets and wall to wall toilet paper!
I'm in too!!!! Hot chili pepers sound so gooooood. And chili with lots of chili beans and navy bean soup. How about lots of pizza w/ double cheese.
Can we invite people that look down on us just so we can gang up on them and make'em feel really low. They could be our bathroom attendants. Oh to think they would have to clean up after us.
lol, guys, this pity party is off the wall! I'm not much of a party animal, but I'll pop in briefly, and I'll bring double chocolate milkshakes for everyone! Dairy is my no-no food.

Anyway... I, too, have wondered if I've done something to bring this on myself. And I have the general "why me" feeling. But then I think about all of the little kids that have cancer and other illness, and I don't think they've done anything to deserve it. In addition, it makes me suck it up, and feel less sorry for myself. But sometimes, a good pity party is in order! Let's invite all the a-holes (no pun intended) that treat us like weirdos, etc, and make them do our bidding! Like cleaning the toilets and fetching extra TP and magazines, haha.
We have a saying at work, when we have a particularly bad day.

"Everyone gets their turn in the Barrel".

Since the origin of that term comes from a very off colored joke, I won't explain it, but it basically means everyone will have the opportunity for bad things to happen to them.

I guess that is how I look at it, as "my turn in the barrel".

It could be much worse.

I think that sometimes well intentioned people treat us like it is our fault so we start to feel that way. If I am really sick, I get a lot of, "well, what have you been eating? Have you been meditating? Exercising? Stressing yourself out?" The people who love us mean well, they just want their to be an obvious reason why we are sick so that we can be fixed. I wish it was that simple.

So, I don't really eat chips ether, but if we are eating all of the no-no list foods at this party, then I want Cheetos! I also want a LOT of cheese. Ummmm cheese. And coffee ice cream. And cheese cake. I better stop, before I REALLY start feeling deprived! (I'm a no-dairy Crohnie if you didn't guess).


Captain Insaneo
I feel like I have this disease (and other health problems) so that one day I am able to help someone (or more than one person) out with their disease and problems.
JMO but it helps me to deal with all this crap.
farm said:
I feel like I have this disease (and other health problems) so that one day I am able to help someone (or more than one person) out with their disease and problems.
JMO but it helps me to deal with all this crap.
Nicely said Farm, that thought has occurred to me as well. in fact my sister in law has a friend who was just diagnosed with UC and she has emailed me for support, so there you go!
farm said:
I feel like I have this disease (and other health problems) so that one day I am able to help someone (or more than one person) out with their disease and problems.
JMO but it helps me to deal with all this crap.
About the 4th or 5th year after being diagnosed my cousin's 11 yr old daughter was having severe stomach pain and was told she had CD by a GI. They called me and asked questions about it so I contacted The Crohn's Foundation and they sent them a bunch of info.
The GI put her on Prednisone, but things never really got better. Finally they did the first endo on her and found a tumor the size of a grapefruit in her stomach. The only good thing the GI did was put her on Pred. cause it slowed it down.

Before they found it I had spent a lot of time with her at the hospital. Told her once the CD was under control I'd get her a pizza. After finding the tumor and removing it I brought her a pizza.
I like to think I really helped her by taking away some of her fear of what was going on. She's now in her 30's and has been cancer free for almost 20 yrs.
My personal life mantra, if you will, is "Shit happens... sometimes you are dealt shitty cards, but ya gotta play em... you never know what everyone else is holding."
I have moments where I feel like 'why me', but the reality is, 'why not me'. sh*t happens - i don't believe for a minute that CD is payback for anything bad I did, it's just one of those random things. That said, I hate it. I hate getting up at stupid oclock because a noise outside woke me and my gut decided that meant it was time to 'go' - next door have got a milkman who delivers at 4am, how unimpressed am I?
I can relate with a lot of you - Sometimes i am very hard on myself and say ahh maybe if I didnt go out that night or maybe if I didnt eat that 1 food maybe i wouldnt be in this flare, but when push comes to shove its not our fault - we can do whatever we want to try to keep the crohns at bay, but in the end we cant blame ourselves - Its not what happens with you but how you deal with it. I got 11 exams in 14 days just got a whole ton of prednisone - gotta do my best to make it to christmas - without being soo hard on myself
yep, i guess we all feel this way sometimes. it's hard not to, when you're too tired to do laundry, like you said. that's when i get sad. when i have to work a ten hour day at the coffee shop, and i'm struggling to shake the fatigue, and i feel like i might have a fever, and my joints start to ache, i get kind of down. then, people tell me to drink the coffee!

i'm coming to the party. i'll bring cheese sticks and ice cream, chocolate bars with almonds, and tons of broccoli, and hummus, and gallons of soda. and coffee, really strong coffee, with cream. lots and lots of coffee.

oh, i miss coffee.
also... i try to tell myself that it could be worse. i could have it worse. we could all have it worse. it's still hard, sometimes, though.
i also have the 'why me' moments.. i guess my take on my life is that i wasn't destined for an easy one.. not just with Crohn's but everything seems to have been a struggle.

i don't think i really pity myself though.. i just keeping looking forward to feeling ok again.. and the times when i do feel ok, i don't mind having gone through what i have... if that makes sense.

being ill has also brought me a valuable insight into understanding other people, and their problems - it's changed me in a lot of positive ways, so i guess in that aspect i'm quite glad i've had some of those experiences...

so.. anyone brought JD? (i got the diet coke here..) :D
Yep. Whats bad for me is that I am asymptomatic. I should be in worse shape than I am, given my colonoscopy and MRI results. My GI's surgeon was ready to give me a resection when he saw my test results, but completely dismissed the notion when he saw how healthy I looked. I can also eat just about anything, except popcorn and fresh corn. Is anyone else okay with eating corn chips, corn tortillas or other ground corn products? The only real problem I have is the fatigue. Getting my ass into gear close to Humira day can be a challenge. Some days I worry that if something really goes wrong, will I notice it?
i daren't eat sweetcorn, rarely have popcorn and even then its only a handful, but i seem to be ok with corn chips, altho the maize type ones are gentler for me.

Dan, i think you'd know if something was to go really wrong.. it's not just about how you feel generally.. when things are acute, your body shows real signs.

sometimes looking more healthy than we feel can give a real mixed message to doctors, i know.
Got a seat for me? I am doing pretty well these days so I don't need a chair close to the bathroom but I do have some Whiiiine to let loose.

Only entering into my 40's and I feel like I have to take a semi-retired type job so as to not push myself too hard. I find it great to hang around the house cooking and doing a bit of cleaning. Thats my physical rehabilitation post surgery, along with a brief workout on a home gym every other day. But I wont be able to pay off the mortgage and get set up for true retirement this way.

All my life my body was what put me somewhere. Track team at school, first line defense for 10 years of hockey, Landscape construction foremen after Agriculture college. It was always being tall and strong that seemed to define what I did. Now I'm tall and sick and old :(
I always wonder why am I like this? I look at everyone I know and their bodies seem so normal. I ask my boyfriend all the time how it feels to feel normal and free of pain.
I'm jealous that he never has any problems. Jealous that he doesn't feel like crap after eating or wakes up at 3 in the morning to crap out his insides.
I'm glad that he isn't like that but why can't I be like that to?
Why can't my body just act normal?
Sometimes I get so angry at my body that I just want to scream. I need a punching bag on days like that.
Whenever I leave the house I am afraid I am going to have to run for the bathroom in the middle of doing whatever. Afraid of getting bad pains while out that I have to leave a store crying my eyes out. (Which I have done plenty of times.)

I am just thankful that I have insurance now and can try to get treatment.

I've lived my whole life with stomach issues. The terrible pooping, the pain, and even when I was in elementary school I remember having terrible acid reflux.

Ugh, I'm at my wit's end here. Friday is my next GI appointment and if I have to I am going to grab him by the collar and tell him to fix me!
You go Girl. You shake the crap out of that Dr. and when he gets you fixed let the rest of us have our turn at'em. I go to my GI next Wednesday but I'm afraid of my GI. She's just a tiny thing, but so is my wife and she scares me too. LOL

Kenny, I feel your frustration. I have always been active. Construction, cabinet builder, hunting and trapping. But now after 24 yrs of CD I just feel really lazy. Just don't have the energy anymore, but can't afford to retire.
kenny said:
Got a seat for me? I am doing pretty well these days so I don't need a chair close to the bathroom but I do have some Whiiiine to let loose.

Kenny! You're back!!!! I was wondering how you were doing as we haven't seen you here for ages. You still likely have some recovering to do and will feel better over time.

Glad you are back with us :)
Been feeling sorry for myself all weekend, so I'll make a quick post here! Had a return of my labyrinthitis (inner ear problem... leads to extreme dizziness)... and now a bit of my dental brace has come loose, so I've got to go back to the orthodontist (in half an hour). I have a feeling that as soon as I go back in that dental chair the room is going to start spinning around again and I may lose my breakfast!
Crohns-wise I'm back in this weird C&D cycle... but otherwise not too bad.
Oh... and I've been made redundant at work... but I'll save that for another thread.
There... feel better now... thanks, guys!
oh Steve, i am really sorry to hear about your job! it's scary right now, everything in the employment world seems so fragile. hope you find something else soon.

& good luck at the dentist... dizziness is horrid, i know - hope it eases off.
Thanks for that, Dingbat. The job thing has been simmering for a while and I intend to put on a post about it... overall, I think it will be a good thing... less stress, and I can get on with writing, painting and playing music. Think the money issues should be OK
Anyway... it's off to the dentist!

Crohn's 35

Inactive Account
I know this is an old thread, but I am having a pity party today :(. My Crohns is acting up, feel a tad nauseated, pain on both sides of my belly and feel tired. Behind My left knee was damaged...I can tell, go up some stairs and everything pulls and clicks. Back on my cane and have a Trooper concert tonight and dont feel like going. So sick of this crap. Sorry.... I don't vent much but today I am :crabby1:. Why is it everytime I want to do something , something always pops up to screw it up :yfrown:

Gotta start feeling better soon cause my Heart concert is next Tuesday night. Paid a fortune for those tickets. Troop was only 20 bucks. Still have a couple of hours, just not feeling too great.:yfaint:
That sucks! Hopefully you can feel better, but you're right, as long as you can make it for the Heart concert, that is what is important. At least with Trooper, you're only missing "Here for a good time".

Crohn's 35

Inactive Account
Thanks Kelly and Belle, your support is always nice and makes me feel better... I kept trying to do everything but just couldnt go to see Trooper. OH well, I have a Gp appt tomorrow, need a referral for a new Gi. Running out of options. Flagyl works but the side effects of the tingling and buzzing scares me and when my arch on my foot went numb. I am trying Cipro instead until that acts up too, and Pentasa and VSL. I agree this disease sucks! Also trying the natural antibiotic Olive leaf extract...it either wont work or need more time.:voodoo:


Awww, Pen, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling crappy/crabby and missed the concert! I so wish you could get a break from all this!

Big hugs to you - feel better soon - xo - Amy

Crohn's 35

Inactive Account
Thanks,Amy, I am sure it will pass...it always does sooner or later, wish is was sooner ;). I will be fine, I am a fighter... a whiner too but a fighter lol.