Quitting my meds

[Drea85]

I don't even know how to go about saying this. First I know that I'm depressed and have anxiety issues. I've been that way for as long as I can remember, certainly way before my Crohn's diagnosis. I've stopped taking my Crohn's meds. I know what that will do to me. I'll be violently sick again in a couple weeks. I just don't feel like doing anything including refilling my meds even though all it takes is a phone call. I don't enjoy being sick, but its so weird not to have the pain anymore. I'm not doing it for attention, I honestly don't want to be around anyone or have them to look at me, talk to me or think about me. I think being sick again gives me an excuse to curl up in a ball and just be left alone.

So I was just writing to see if anyone else has ever felt like this. I know i need to get to a therapist right away, I have an appointment in a week or two. I just needed some support so I don't feel like a total nut.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

How long ago were you diagnosed? It does take a bit to digest all the info and accept the need of taking meds regularily and all that goes with it. It can even sometimes be the shock of knowing that there's something wrong.

I guess mostly what I'm saying is that it takes time and you're not alone! We're here for you, just let us know. Sending lots of hugs your way.

 

[Drea85]

Thanks. I was diagnosed with Crohn's July of 2012. I took remicad and Asacol until about April of 2013. I had some insurance issues and wasn't on anything from April 2013 until April 2014. I was so sick I was out of work on short term disability from April '14 until June '14. I honestly didn't really start feeling better until September '14 then I went through a lot of emotional mess in October and stopped taking my medicine around January because I couldn't afford it. Started taking it again in February and stopped the humira a few weeks ago and the azathioprine a few days ago but I'm already starting to flare.

Now that you said it, I'm definitely not ok with having to be on meds for the rest of my life. It's actually a really deep issue with me and I can't believe I blocked that out.

I obviously need to go talk to somebody, but thanks so much for replying it made me think and now I kinda have a grip on how to explain it to my therapist.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

Thanks for explaining. Kinda helps understanding where you're coming from. I guess for me, I don't enjoy having to take meds. But, it's something I have to do in order to function. The biggest thing is finding out what's bugging you before anyone can try to help. I'm glad to be here. Please keep us updated on how you're doing.

 

[valleysangel92]

Hello there

I can totally understand what you're saying. It takes time to adjust and work out how to manage anything.

It can take months or even years to come to terms with the idea of having an illness for the rest of your life and with the idea of having to take medication to keep you stable.

I think this is something that all of us go through at some point or another. Even those of us who have been diagnosed for a long time can have patches where it gets us down and we feel like we don't want to be on the meds anymore.

And I can also understand what you mean about it almost being weird not to be in pain anymore. I think we (unfortunately) get so used to feeling ill and being in pain and having to fight through every day that it becomes a shock to the system and feels abnormal to us when we don't have pain and actually feel normal.

Talk to your doctors /therapist, explain how you feel. You are not alone. It is important that you get back on your meds as soon as you feel ready, but it is also important to make sure you have the emotional support in place to help you through a difficult situation

 

[Drea85]

Thanks for the feedback. It's really nice to know I'm not alone. I'm just trying to hang in there til next week when I get to see the doctor.

 

[brooklyn23]

Depression is an absolute beast! Dealing with depression without a chronic illness is hard enough as it is, and then add to it the fact that your body is making it harder to fight your mind, and your mind is making it harder to fight your body? It feels like a lose-lose situation. But it isn't. It's a fight you can win, just remember we're in your corner.

 

[buttER]

Hi Drea

Where I live there are therapists who specialise in treating patients with chronic illnesses. Like you say, Crohns adds a whole new dimension and there are people who can help you in dealing with that diagnosis.

I can understand you not taking the meds to get back to feeling your normal self again. You are a brave person, are you ready to take some meds again if you start to feel so sick? (I am a complete wimp when it comes to flares).

 

[Drea85]

I'm feeling so much better today. I know i have depression and that's something I need to deal with, but now I'm wondering if I was feeling cruddy because of the physical aspects of crohn's. It's hard to explain. I wasn't having a traditional flare in my opinion so i thought the body aches, exhaustion, irritability, and hopelessness was all in my mind. All of that suddenly lifted away in the last 2 days. I would still attribute it to depression, but my eye sight suddenly got better. Months ago my vision got worse out of the blue. I had blurred vision, couldn't read road signs, I had to get right up on my computer screen at work and I couldn't make out words on the remote control. So my thinking is depression can do a lot to you physically, but I've never heard of your vision being impacted. I'm hoping this whole situation is due to something physical. I honestly still feel a little nuts though like I'm just grasping at straws here, but at least I have the motivation to figure it out now.

Thank you everybody for being my sounding board it really helps me to talk (or write) things out.

 

[buttER]

I am glad you are feeling a bit better: I hope that is a trend that continues. I agree, with illness(es) and medicines it's hard to know where the symptoms are coming from. Even "normal" people get aches and pains too but I guess they don't have to search for the reasons as much.
Take care, crossing fingers for you.

 

[girlygirl]

Hi .. Just wanted ti send some hugs your way..and say you're definitely not alone!

PS.. This may seem silly.. But I have 2 cats now that Ive had since they were kittens and I think its lifted my spirits quite a bit.

Wishing you well!
Monica