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R-Day is tomorrow!!

Well, its finally all lined up!! I have appointment, I have Remicade in my fridge and Tues am is the time.

I am so nervous I am not sure I'll sleep tonight.

I am afraid.

My mom says I have to have a positive outlook or else I'll just defeat myself with this medication. Yet I cannot get hopeful or optimistic about it as I let myself beleive that the Imuran was going to be the magic bullet and that ended up with me in hospital for acute pancreatitis. So emotionally and mentally I have tried to remain neutral about the Remicade. She thinks that is being negative.

But I am afraid, so much so that I have begun to get my affairs in order - will, power of attorney and my medical directive.

I never once thought in my life that I would ever be so ill.

Sorry guys, I am scared and my guy is working nights so I am by myself( well my 16 yr old daughter is home asleep, but I can't let her see how upset I am over this)

I know if this doesn't work then surgery is next.

And I really wish someone who'd been through this could come hold my hand tommorow!!!

THanks for listening (again)
Wish I could come hold your hand. Try not to worry. You will be looked after very carefully and I find the whole process really relaxing. Best of luck and hope this is the med that leads to remission. Xxx
Ok first dose done - I didn't have any weird reactions as it was administered and I seem to be doing fine so far tonight. The benedryl made me sleepy so I had a nice nap in a very comfortable lazy boy. The nurse was so friendly and made me feel better.

I keep imagining my blood cells going " What the **&^% was that thing that just floated by - it doesn't belong here!!" So I am sending calm down and ignore it messages to my bloodstream. Physically doing ok, menatlly maybe not so much;)


Hey, I'd definitely hold your hand if I could. :hug: Are you getting the infusion in your own home? That's the way I do it. A nurse comes to my home and I get to relax on my own couch or bed - wherever I'm comfortable. :D

I understand your nerves very well. I have a panic attack right before the infusion starts. It's all in my mind, and I get so worked up that I pass out and have a pseudo seizure. But the infusion always goes perfectly well. :) My doctor prescribed me sertraline (zoloft) for my daily anxiety, and alprazolam (xanax) for my panic attacks just before my infusions.

Maybe something like that could help you. Just a suggestion. I really hope you can calm your mind. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

And I'm so glad your infusion went well. :)
I'm in a major city and only 15 minutes away from the infusion center so its not a big deal to go there. It was very comfortable - lazy boy chairs, tv's, wireless internet, coffee and tea and light snacks provided. I was right across the street from the emergency department of a large acute care hospital, which really helped calm my nerves.

I was like - major exam nervous so was really ok once Remicade got started and I did not have any crazy reaction. As long as I make it throught the first 24 hours without any reactions I'll be ok.
Your not going to a BioClin clinic are you? Sounds exactly like mine.

Glad it went well and now you've gone this long with no adverse reactions I'd say you can likely take a nice deep breath now :)

Do you notice any changes yet? I was lucky enough to the first night so I hope you see similar results!
Yep its a Bioclin clinic.

No don't notice any changes yet - feel slightly more energy but still the same for the rest. I get another infusion on the 4 of Jan.
I'm glad it went so well for you.

I've taken 5 infusion up to now and I only get tired for 24 hours.

However I feel so alive it's crazy!!!

Keep up the moral and don't be afraid your body will love the new friends in the bloddstream. :)
Sometimes being in healthcare just means I have too much knowledge and therefore know ALL the bad things that could happen and just make myself more nervous than I probably need to be.

The only difference so far is that driving anywhere does not "hurt" or be as uncomfortable as it was. It was difficult to even be a passenger as I could "feel" every bump in the road vibrate through my abdomen. Even changes of direction or fast braking would cause me alot of discomfort. So I now notice that it is not so painful to travel anywhere.

Next infusion is 4 Jan so hopeful to see more improvements.