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Sex related question

My question is possibly TMI (too much information), and I am soooo sorry for that, but I seriously don't know where else to ask this and I am definitely NOT mentioning this to my GI doctor.

Before my CD got serious, I was very into anal sex. Over the years I've had many rectal manifestations, fistulas, etc. Right now I'm 100% in remission with a closed-ended fistula that is non-symptomatic. For the first time in a looong time my sex and dating life are happening again. I have recently been dating a really lovely guy who is interested in anal sex.

I have quite a bit of rectal scarring but not 10/10. Up until now I've been paranoid of doing so much as an enema, letting alone putting something... bigger... up there. I am terrified of causing an inflammatory event that could lead to a flare, but I also want to have a sex life.

If I have anal sex right now I'd be in a lot of pain because of scarring and some narrowing. I'm not as wide in the rectum anymore. Could I remedy this by using sex toys like dildos and gradually stretch things, or is that a fools errand? Would using something to force my rectum to become wider seriously harm me? Could it cause a flare?

I notice my stools are more narrow than they used to be, but nothing major. Nonetheless it shows that things aren't as wide as they used to be, which means letting my man go in there could be difficult.

Thank you for reading. Compassionate, non-judgmental advice would be appreciated!!
 

cmack

Moderator
Staff member
I'm sorry, but if it were me I would abstain and find other methods to show love and affection. You could get hurt and be sent to the hospital. Is it worth it? Ask yourself. Maybe you can get your kicks another way? I wish you the best and I'm always open to discussion. We support each other here, we're not prejudiced.

All the best.
 
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I'm with cmack on this one. Sorry I don't know enough to offer, however, really do your research or ask your doctor before doing anything that you are questioning.
 

cmack

Moderator
Staff member
I would be more concerned about physical injury, as any scar tissue you have in the area may tear. I'm not necessarily of the opinion it would cause a flare. I think it may do more harm than good that's all.
 
Could anal sex really cause a flare while I'm in remission?

I just can't find any good info on this.
Probably not our immune system and sex have no relationship that I’m aware of so it probably won’t cause a flare however I’d ask a doctor just because better safe than sorry although I doubt they would have any experience with your question
 
Again, maybe TMI... but years ago after a flare when I was in remission, I tried a dildo. I went VERY slowly. But I remember at one point, I hit a wall. I guess it was a narrowing (not a true stricture). When I pushed a bit harder I could feel something "give"... not like a tear, but it hurt. My bowels weren't normal for a good 2 months after that... there was more mucous. Once it subsided, my BMs were normal size. I feel like maybe I pushed through a narrowing.

My fear is that because there's a lot more scarring now, if I did the same thing it could actually tear a hole in my rectum. Is that a possibility? How thick is the rectal wall anyway?
 
I think GI doctors and GI surgeons are the ones who know what the risks would be for you, and they should be comfortable talking with their patients about this. If you feel you can't ask your doctor, there are reputable websites on line where you can can pay something (not a lot) and confidentially ask a doctor a question. If you can ask for a gastroenterologist or a gi surgeon and explain your surgical hx etc, you may get some useful info. I have asked a question about infectious disease and was satisfied with the answer.
 
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cmack

Moderator
Staff member
Again, maybe TMI... but years ago after a flare when I was in remission, I tried a dildo. I went VERY slowly. But I remember at one point, I hit a wall. I guess it was a narrowing (not a true stricture). When I pushed a bit harder I could feel something "give"... not like a tear, but it hurt. My bowels weren't normal for a good 2 months after that... there was more mucous. Once it subsided, my BMs were normal size. I feel like maybe I pushed through a narrowing.

My fear is that because there's a lot more scarring now, if I did the same thing it could actually tear a hole in my rectum. Is that a possibility? How thick is the rectal wall anyway?
One thing I've learned over the years is, if you have to ask yourself, "will this hurt me?" It usually can hurt you and just might do so as well. Make sure to talk to a doc about this, don't be ashamed. I agree that doctors know all about the different types of sex that people have, as well as the risks involved. I think it's best to consult an MD regarding your sex life, just to be on the safe side. Let us know what happens.
 
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Lady Organic

Moderator
Staff member
Hi there. Im with all the others on this. I would abstain. The risk to hurt yourself is quite high in my opinion, especially you have a history of complication in the anal region. Our tissues are more fragile than healthy people, even if on remission. Anal intercourse would put a big stress on your anus and rectum. I really see the potential for a mechanical issue or a disease inflammatory response/manifestation/wake up here and you already got a warning with the dildo experience. Its not a go me, unfortunately:(
 
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