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So tired of it all

So, I am losing it. I mean like seriously losing it mentally. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I've always put on the brave happy face but I can't do it anymore. Last night the most awful pain started in my rectum, moved to my tailbone area then settled into my vagina. I have had the rogue pain in the arse a few times but this was the worst ever. I called my GI who isn't available so I have to see his partner tomorrow morning. Hooray, a stranger gets to stick his finger in my fanny! I have alienated a very good friend who literally refuses to speak to me now-why would they, after all, I went off on them saying never contact me again.
My marriage is falling apart, thanks in part to my psychotic stepdaughter.
I just want a break! One day of no pain, no nausea, no outbursts from the manipulative stepdaughter or her younger sister who is just like her. I swore I'd never say why me. A good friend of mine committed suicide in high school because he couldn't deal with Crohn's anymore, so I do try to keep upbeat but when does it stop?
And while I am ranting can I also say people need to stop terrifying each other online? I was so scared to give myself the 1st humira injection because all the stuff I read online. I told the GI nurse as I was giving myself the 2nd, 3rd and 4th this is NOTHING compared to the pain I have almost every day! Humira doesn't hurt!
Ok end of rant. But does anyone have any advice? Maybe older folks who have had Crohn's for many years?
 
Hi, hope today will get better for you, and each day that follows continues to get better.

Try to find a way to de stress.

You asked for 'older folks' (eek) well, I guess I could be considered as older and with Crohn's for sometime now. Even though it has been a rough ride at times with Crohn's and life, it's been worth the fight to hang in there. I do understand the struggle. Stepchildren can be a whole different animal. I have a 'fun' sneaky spoiled stepdaughter and the years have been a learning experience, lol. We learn to tolerate behavior, hope they will grow into a good adult (even when they already are an adult).
I also understand the things that can be read online. I remind myself everyone is different since with treatment, we have to make big decisions. Hopefully they are educated ones, and not out of fear or desperation. There have been times where I would like to remind posters that when they say crappy things about meds, treatments, or even cancer in attempt to shock others into or out of treatments, it is not right. I see posters often put 'left untreated, you will get worse, die or get cancer' a crap comment for some of those who have exhausted treatments.
Advice: Dig your heels in. There will be good days, there will be many days that are so worth hanging in there. You are here for a reason, the experience is worth it. You will get through this, you will continue to grow, learn and become amazingly resilient. This illness toughens you, but it also makes you very aware of what you do want and what you will accept. It tends to make us value our lives, the right people, and live fully in the moment.

Be well, God bless
 
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