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Spouses of Crohnies Support Group

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SJ!

Hi All,

I'm really stressed out, I can't sleep! It's 1.30am in Sydney and Greg is having a massive flare.

The Gi tried to ween Greg off steroids about a month ago to start him on infliximab. He was having 12+bm a day bleeding etc. He was off pred for 6 days!

Anyway she also put him straight back on prednisone and gave him urgent infliximab as rescue therapy to avoid surgery. Without the results of the stool culture I requested (suggesting a possible infection)

Anyway turns out he has Cdiff again! She halted infliximab and put him on a long course vancomycin and suggested a very quick taper off pred as immunosupression will make the bacterial infection worse.

The GI wants him off steroids asap as he has puffyness and other horrible side effects.

His abdomen is swollen and now I feel worried that he might get fulminant bowel or toxic megacolon as he has pancolitis.

Greg still want's to go to work as he has so much happening at work!

The vancomycin seemed to be working slowly but now the steroid taper is getting to the lower end (in the morning he drops from 20mg to 10mg). It's like he's back at square one again.

The vancomycin taper still has a few weeks and the steroid taper has 9 days before she wants more bloods and a stool sample clear of c diff so he can go back on infliximab.

I just can't imagine him lasting that long without ending up in the ER.

I'm pretty sure at this rate he'll be needing a blood transfusion before:cry: it's all over!
 
J

jvc

My husband has Crohns. We have been battling the disease since symptoms first began in 1998 (literally a few months before we First met). The last 17 years have brought marriage, two children, frequent moves for wonderful careers. It has also included numerous hospitalizations, surgeries, fear, and exhaustion. After nearly 5 years of relative peace the disease has re-entered our lives full force. My husband's health has been struggling the last 10 months despite Hospitalizations, a great medicAl team, and numerous medications and procedures. With two young children my husband's illness is even more difficult to manage. I have struggled the last 10 months with attempts to negotiate parenting largely solo, work, myself, and my husband. I find I cant be a caretaker for him as I was when we didn't have children. I can't attend all the appointments, I can't remember all the details like I could before. Any advice on balancing would be helpful. Thanks, Jessica
 
A

addyp

Hi jvc
I just wanted to send hugs I'm in the same boat as you. Hubby just had surgery in May and is doing way better but leading up to it was horrible stress. I feel your pain and understand. We have ten yr old twins. I've always been so dependant on him so it's scary. If you ever need someone to talk to pls msg me :)
 
Marjorie

Marjorie

I would love to join this group. My fiance and I have been close friends for years and he has pretty severe Crohn's and it's nice to find something like this I can talk to others in the same position. I actually jumped on to try to get some advice. We're in South Carolina and currently he's under the best doctor we could find here but she's at the point that she doesn't know what to do. He's been having extreme pain in his upper left quadrant for over a year now and they haven't found a thing but three days before Christmas his colostomy bag started filling up with blood and they found a bleed in that area but still don't know what to do because it went away on Christmas Eve and we were discharged from the hospital. Now they want to put him on a new medicine called Viberzi that doesn't even seem to be for anything like this and very commonly made people have more abdominal pain. Does anyone have any thoughts? I'm so at a loss and so is he, he just wants this pain to go away and we're almost to the point of finding a new doctor in a different state.
 
SandyUte

SandyUte

Wife of Chronie (with my own health challenges)
Location
Kaysville, Utah
Marjorie, welcome to this forum! My hubby's crohn's was considered severe until he got on humira, although he never had to have a colostomy. Some people can tolerate it (humira) and some can't, tho (he also had to wait a year before insurance would pay until he tried other things, although we all knew that is what he needed.) I don't know anything about the med you mentioned except what you said. Still, I find that even the good doctors sometimes find themselves at a loss with difficult cases, but hopefully they listen to our wants, wishes and concerns. If they don't, it is almost like all the knowledge in the world is a waste. With that being said, is your fiance able to articulate his feelings with this doc? Good luck with everything, and let us know how it goes.
 
Marjorie

Marjorie

Thank you for the response:) Unfortunately Humira does not work with him and he's had terrible side effects from it. Actually most of the medicine that is out and available gives him terrible side effects and due to his colostomy, they won't let him join any clinical trials of anything. He does talk to his doctor and we both voice our worries and what is going on but she's constantly busy and it takes months for him to even try to get an appointment. This new medicine seems just like a last ditch effort and I can't find a thing about it ever being used on people with severe Crohn's. He feels like they are running in circles and I'm starting to feel the same way. It's been so frustrating with there not being another doctor we could go to here and one of the other ones at our main hospital, who was looking after him while his actual doctor was on maternity leave, completely ignored what he tried to tell him about where it was hurting because "most people in your position don't get any flare ups or symptoms in that area". When we were at the hospital before Christmas, his doctor wouldn't even come and see him even though they specifically transferred us to the right hospital from the emergency room so that his doctor could figure out what was going on. The doctor residing over him during our stay told us he really had no experience with people like him and that sometimes medicine isn't good enough to figure out everything that is going on. They've done so many different images on him and tried to figure it out but it's just insane how frustrating it is and he's only 27. He's had Crohn's since he was 14 and already has only his small bowel left, with everything else removed to save his life, and they won't even figure out another way to address what is going on. His intestine in that area started bleeding so obviously there is something wrong but no one can figure it out. We've never been rude to a doctor but I'm to the point of demanding something be done. He can't live on taking pain pills constantly just to subdue the pain so that he can try to go through life without having it bother him.

Sorry for the ranting, I think I desperately needed to get that out to someone who understands.
 
SandyUte

SandyUte

Wife of Chronie (with my own health challenges)
Location
Kaysville, Utah
Oh, I definitely understand the doctor rants. I could go on and on about doctors (and I have many times in this forum in times past.) It is frustrating when we put our lives in their hands and they don't listen or know what to do. Your sweetie is lucky to have someone like you on his side, and you are both too young to have dealt with so much in your lives already. Personally, I don't get why people don't stick with those they supposedly love tho just because they are sick and it does get hard, it may be a lot to deal with but that is what you do if you really love the person. I can tell you really love and care for your fiance. You are obviously more mature than most for your age. And you are right, living on pain pills is not the answer. I wished I was experienced enough to tell you what is, but I really have no idea in your situations.
And wow! Moved to the hospital so he could be treated by the specialist, and the specialist wouldn't even go see him! All I can say is it sounds like she is overly busy and it really might be time to find a new doctor. If you have to go out of state I can't even imagine the hassles that could cause tho. For instance, would your insurance cover someone who is out of state? I know ours would not. All I can do is wish you both well and let you know we are here if you need a listening ear. You might want to post your story in the my story section of this forum, you might get a lot broader range of people able to help with your specific needs. Please keep us informed tho. We do care.
 
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Intelg23

My husband was diagnosed in 2010 after an emergency bowel resection. Since then his life had been turned upside down by autoimmune disease. It is effecting his eyesight, joints, skin pigment and headaches. He is in severe pain all the time. So now depression is a huge factor in our lives. I don't know how to help him. It tears me up to see him suffer. But I know there are lots of things out there he hasn't tried. Drs don't seem to want to be aggressive at all. His only prescribed treatment is pentasa. Everything else is to try and help symptoms. With the crohns and arthritis I'm looking into humira. The dry aren't being helpful and I'm pretty sure insurance will be another obstacle. I'm at a loss, trying to save his life. :sign0085:
 
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Superman's wife

Hi everyone,

My husband was diagnosed I believe when he was 21 (I am sorry I have a horrible memory). He is now 36. After years and years of getting nothing right - he had 7 years of remission on Remicade - right around the time of our wedding that stopped working - went onto Humira - that only lasted maybe a year? With not great results. Now he is off all biologics and is simply taking medical marijuana. He makes a butter that he eats every night before he goes to bed - and smokes mainly at home after work. The medical marijuana has been a LIFE SAVER! He went from 200lbs down to 145lbs - his fistuals are under control - yes he always has weird skin issues, joint pain, fatigue, food is still his enemy, but the ability to have a way out of the pain has done wonders for his mental health. We can actually leave the house and go out and do things. I truly recommend it for everyone and if anyone is on the fence about trying it, I know my husband would be more than happy to speak with them about his experience. He was always the one to say he didn't want to be a pot head and he didn't want to try it. But then he got bad enough that he decided what could he loose? And it was a total game changer. Things are not perfect - and he has his good days and bad days but it truly has been the best thing that has happened in a long time.
 
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jlcurry2013

Hi! My first time on the thread, i hope this posts correctly! My husband was diagnosed with crohn's disease in 2010. He did not have health insurance, and my local hospital sent him home to die. Luckily that night the head gastroenterologist was working late at the UVA hospital. They flew him out there, and saved his life after he spent a month in the hospital recovering.

Since then he's had one major relapse about a year and a half ago. Since the relapse he's been having a hard time putting on weight, even after they put him back on humira.He does smoke, but it's not medically legal (not legal in any way) in our state, so it's hard for him to always have his "medicine" when he needs it. If he goes without it for too long he becomes so depressed and sick. It makes me more heartbroken than i can describe to watch him suffer and cry and know that there is nothing i can do for him, definitely not physically but a lot of the time i feel like i can't even give him the emotional support he needs either. He feels like he has nothing to live for, when myself and so many other people would be lost in the world without him. But he's always worked physical labor, and because of crohn's he can't anymore, and i know that hurts him emotionally also.

I've been trying so hard to keep both of our spirits up, and we're both seeing separate doctors for anxiety and depression. I just want to see the love of my life happy again, but if the humira isn't working anymore and my state doesn't legalize at least medical marijuana very soon, I'm at a loss as to how i can continue to help him physically. I've been at a loss as to how to help him emotionally for the past year. He says I'm the only thing that makes him happy, but i feel like i don't make him happy at all;he's so upset all the time.

Has anyone else been through anything similar or have any suggestions on anything that might help my husband? He's been the love of my life for the past 9 years, and if i only had one wish in the world it would be to see him fully healthy and happy. I will do ANYTHING for him, i just feel like I've run out of ideas on how to help him. I feel beyond lost...
 
SandyUte

SandyUte

Wife of Chronie (with my own health challenges)
Location
Kaysville, Utah
I feel bad nobody has replied to the last few posts. I haven't been on this thread myself in ages ( I have tended to go to other threads because of my own issues/needs, but I do have a husband with crohn's disease). This forum in generally is a very supportive group, and I hope you, Crazy, and all of you can find the support you need. Welcome to the forum. I also hope those who have posted and not come back find there way back here.
 
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bumblebee1031

At the moment, my husband is undiagnosed. He has his first gastro appointment next Monday. It was supposed to be today but we had to cancel due to inclement weather. We have only been married a year and his symptoms began to peak a little more than that. It has seriously taxed our relationship which used to be shy of perfect (of course with imperfections). I loved being his housewife/home maker. I was supportive of him even though he works 70 hours a week. I never complained. The longer these symptoms persist, the more he seems to change. He has no patience with me. Hardly any interaction. Intimacy is an act of God. I feel guilty when I do things for attention and get upset when he doesn't notice me. He has lost interest in hobbies and doing anything with me. I, too, would never leave my husband, but I have given out. All I do, day in and day out, is give and give and I have nothing left. I have tried talking to him about this and all I get is, "I wish you could feel this pain for five minutes. Maybe you would leave me alone about yours." I know he tries and I don't mean to upset him. I don't mean to sound whiny, but Jesus...I'm exhausted. I don't work because we can't afford childcare even with two incomes, I homeschool our daughter for reasons that are out of my control. I do all I can to have things clean and comfortable for him but I feel like it is never enough. We had our one year anniversary last Wednesday and we literally fought for hours instead of enjoying any of it. I'm sure some of you will recommend I see a Dr and counselor, however, at this time I am not at liberty to do such things because I am so busy trying to get his health under control that mine goes completely ignored. I am on an antidepressant already. The problem is not that. The problem is that I literally don't know what to do that I'm already doing. I feel like my fuel tank is on empty and there is absolutely no way to refuel it. I love him with all of my heart and it hurts me so bad to hear us fight like we do over the little things. I'm so broken. I can only pray we get a diagnosis FAST!
 
E

ElizaKate

Hi Bumblebee1031 - Your frustration is completely normal. It is very hard to living with someone who is chronically ill. So everything you've expressed, others have been in the same boat. Spouses burn the candle at both ends when our IBD partners are having a flare or are chronically unwell. Not only does the physical disease cause stress in a marriage (stinky gas, moaning pain, debilitating fatigue, surgeries and procedures) but there can also be financial strain due to the cost of medications, dr office copays and missed days of work and emotional strain from all of the above. It's not easy. Add kids to the mix and it compounds the stress. I understand the position of being unable to see a counselor, so here are some things I have done when I feel that the candle is burning at both ends:
1) Honestly. Yes, I can never feel the physical pain or the humiliating symptoms. But he also can't feel the immense pressure and sadness I feel. It's not a competition over who is worse off or more miserable. IBD affects the whole family. So an honest conversation that the burden is a shared burden does help. I know from our honest conversations that he gets how stressed I am and he powers through so many bad days on my behalf. And just like I let him have days on the couch or we alter our plans based on how he's feeling, he lets me snap and rage at how much I hate Crohn's disease when I get overwhelmed. He understands I am scared, angry, tired, and I just need to vent.
2) Find an outlet/hobby. I felt completely isolated due to my husband's IBD. If affected our social life. It affected decisions I made and I started noticing I was avoiding the world on his behalf. So I started doing things I enjoyed on my own. I understand you have kids and free time is far and few between for you, but perhaps the local library has a program the kids can attend and you can sit and read a magazine. There are homeschooling communities that meet up for museum days and such. Brew a cup of coffee or hot tea, put it in a to-go cup, and go enjoy it at the playground. These are chances just to step away from the home environment where things can really feel like a pressure cooker. I have had to walk away a lot, just to get some space and some courage to go back and keep at it.
3) Faith and a belief in a higher guiding power really pulled me up when I hit rock bottom. We had other things going on in our marriage, but IBD was the shitty icing on the cake, so to speak. Some things are beyond our control and we can only ask for guidance. When it's awful, I pray that I find comfort, that I find hope, and that I feel protected.
I wish I could tell you there's a magic bullet. Maybe knowing there are others of us out there will help. I still struggle with accepting IBD in our lives and we're coming up on 8 years since the formal diagnosis. I struggle with being the breadwinner, the housekeeper, the pet feeder, etc. When you're not the one who is sick, stuff naturally flows your way. I sure am tired of it, but I remember my vows (in sickness and in health) and that he didn't choose this disease.
I hope some of this helps. :)
 
Madhu

Madhu

Hi Bumblebee, I haven't been on this thread for a while. Just peeped in and I swear your post sounded just like how I wrote 2 yrs ago. That was when my husband was diagnosed with crohn's. We were newly married, his symptoms creeped up slowly and we had a diagnosis after our 1st anniversary. But thank God, no children at that time. Neither of us knew what crohn's is, we were new to the US from our home, had no clue which Dr to go it. Crazy is an understatement. I was frustrated, lonely and angry at him until I knew he wasn't faking it and he really had a serious issue. Then it was all prayers. I had to be strong for him, I didn't cry once before him. Rushed into our tiny bathroom when I couldn't stop my tears. But all of that suffering I went through is not even 2% of what he was going through.

I know that not having a diagnosis is even worse. Because he was diagnosed quickly but it took that Dr 4 months to send us to an IBD specialist which was enough time for the disease to get worse. I remember crying to God once, praying and begging not to take him away from me. But then things got better. All it takes is a good diagnosis, the right Dr for you and the right medicine. It's easier said but when this combination sets, life gets easier.

He flared once beginning of this year, but his Dr was able to control it fairly easily. I hope and pray your family finds the peace you need and your husband doesn't suffer anymore. Keep looking for doctors until you find the one right for him. As a spouse, you are the best thing that can happen to an IBD person. Keep up the good work!
 
A

Autumnleaves

I am looking for some opinions and answers and I'd be so grateful for any responses. I've been with my crohns husband for ten years. He was diagnosed just after we started dating. He takes asacol and enemas but in ten years has never been 'in remission' (whatever that is). He took azathriprine for 12 months but it made no difference to his pattern of illness so he came off it.

On Saturday and Sunday he jumps out of bed - often before me. We take the dog on long walks, go out for meals, see friends and otherwise live a totally normal life.

On Mondays however it is like Groundhog Day. I coax him out of bed and he shuffles around the house moaning to himself and holding his stomach. Often he seems to want me to give him permission to call in sick (I avoid giving an opinion as it's not my decision to make). He will say out loud things like 'I feel terrible' and 'I don't know whether to go it'. Whether he goes in or not, by the evening he is fine and back to being full of life etc. This happens every morning from Monday to Friday. I find it really hard to be sympathetic any more :-( im terrified his work will eventually sack him (he didn't work a full week last year and had over two months off)

His crohns very rarely effects our personal life. It only seems to effect the working day. We go camping and on activity holidays which he loves. I feel like I'm going crazy. Sometimes I lose patience and say mean things and then I feel so guilty.

He says he likes his job, it is admin work and low stress. He likes who he works with etc. I used to be the breadwinner before I became a SAHW and I used to say cut down to part time or take a career break but he always said he didn't want to.

Has anyone else had this sort of experience? Any solutions?
 
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StrugglingMom&Wife

caregiver to my fiance and daughter as well as myself

i am 26yrs old and i have a 3yr old daughter who has a genetic disorder called 15q11.2 microdeletion. shes missing a part of chromosome 15 and as a result of that she has a seizure disorder, severe anxiety, adhd, an arachanoid cyst in her brain, acid reflux, congenital ptosis of the eye(which shes had surgery on twice so far), an eating disorder that causes her to have chronic constipation, sensory processing disorder, sensory overload disorder, developmental delays, and ptsd when it comes to doctors and hospitals. about a year ago my fiance of 5 1/2 yrs was diagnosed with diverticulitis. he was hospitalized for a week because he had an abscess in his stomach that was extremely close to bursting open. he also has anxiety, depression, add, ocd and about 2weeks ago he was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and has since been doing blood tests and getting no results from his doctor. i was diagnosed with ocd, severe anxiety, bipolar depression, rapid changing bipolar disorder, chronic headaches and migraines, chronic constipation, chronic urinary tract infections, muscle spasms that affect my back, knees and hips, cirrhosis of the liver, adhd, and ptsd. i have way way more on my plate than i can handle. i am extremely stressed out with everything thats going on. i have no family to help me and no friends either. my fiances family are all either way too busy or just cant afford to help us. he cant work because of his UC and my daughter gets disability but its nowhere near enough to cover our bills and necessities. im trying to find a job but nobody will hire me because of my bipolar disorder and my fiance needs me at home to help him and to take care of our daughter as he is not physically able to watch her. hes in constant pain and discomfort and can hardly make it to the bathroom let alone chase a 3yr old around all day. i just dont know what to do. his doctors just keep doing bloodwork on him and wont do any other tests. the meds they give him dont do anything and everytime he makes an appointment to see his doctor the office either doesnt put his appointment in their system or his doctor has some stupid excuse as to why he cant see him. the emergency rooms dont do anything for him except put him in more pain. its an endless cycle of nothingness. we are forced to do our own research online to try to find relief and more info on his conditions and all that does is worsen both of our anxieties and cause me extreme emotional distress to where im almost having panic attacks. we just need answers. i dont know how much more i can handle. im exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. i wish we had some help.:(:(:(
 
Madhu

Madhu

StrugglingMom&Wife said:
i am 26yrs old and i have a 3yr old daughter who has a genetic disorder called 15q11.2 microdeletion. shes missing a part of chromosome 15 and as a result of that she has a seizure disorder, severe anxiety, adhd, an arachanoid cyst in her brain, acid reflux, congenital ptosis of the eye(which shes had surgery on twice so far), an eating disorder that causes her to have chronic constipation, sensory processing disorder, sensory overload disorder, developmental delays, and ptsd when it comes to doctors and hospitals. about a year ago my fiance of 5 1/2 yrs was diagnosed with diverticulitis. he was hospitalized for a week because he had an abscess in his stomach that was extremely close to bursting open. he also has anxiety, depression, add, ocd and about 2weeks ago he was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and has since been doing blood tests and getting no results from his doctor. i was diagnosed with ocd, severe anxiety, bipolar depression, rapid changing bipolar disorder, chronic headaches and migraines, chronic constipation, chronic urinary tract infections, muscle spasms that affect my back, knees and hips, cirrhosis of the liver, adhd, and ptsd. i have way way more on my plate than i can handle. i am extremely stressed out with everything thats going on. i have no family to help me and no friends either. my fiances family are all either way too busy or just cant afford to help us. he cant work because of his UC and my daughter gets disability but its nowhere near enough to cover our bills and necessities. im trying to find a job but nobody will hire me because of my bipolar disorder and my fiance needs me at home to help him and to take care of our daughter as he is not physically able to watch her. hes in constant pain and discomfort and can hardly make it to the bathroom let alone chase a 3yr old around all day. i just dont know what to do. his doctors just keep doing bloodwork on him and wont do any other tests. the meds they give him dont do anything and everytime he makes an appointment to see his doctor the office either doesnt put his appointment in their system or his doctor has some stupid excuse as to why he cant see him. the emergency rooms dont do anything for him except put him in more pain. its an endless cycle of nothingness. we are forced to do our own research online to try to find relief and more info on his conditions and all that does is worsen both of our anxieties and cause me extreme emotional distress to where im almost having panic attacks. we just need answers. i dont know how much more i can handle. im exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. i wish we had some help.:(:(:(
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Hey there . I'm so sorry you're going through all this. It's tough enough having one sick person in the family, you are such a brave woman. And you're doing absolutely great. I don't have knowledge enough to talk about your daughter or your issues, but for your fiance's UC, can you go to a different doctor? Have they even done a colonoscopy for him, or just bloodwork? There is a doctor directory in this forum where you can look for doctors in your region, based on first hand reviews from members. If you live close to new York, please private msg me. I will give you a personal reference to my husband's doctor. He is amazing and literally saved our lives. Hang in there dear!!
 
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StrugglingMom&Wife

Madhu said:
Hey there . I'm so sorry you're going through all this. It's tough enough having one sick person in the family, you are such a brave woman. And you're doing absolutely great. I don't have knowledge enough to talk about your daughter or your issues, but for your fiance's UC, can you go to a different doctor? Have they even done a colonoscopy for him, or just bloodwork? There is a doctor directory in this forum where you can look for doctors in your region, based on first hand reviews from members. If you live close to new York, please private msg me. I will give you a personal reference to my husband's doctor. He is amazing and literally saved our lives. Hang in there dear!!
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Thankyou for your kind words. we just got him another new doctor yesterday and he sent out a referral for my husband for a gastroenterologist and he said we'll go from there and see what that doctor says. we live in indiana so i think good doctors are hard to come by here but we're working with what we've got here. no colonoscopy has been done yet. just bloodwork and an ER doctor put his finger up my husbands butt for some odd reason. i will check out the doctor directory. i didnt know this forum had that. thank you for that info. im hanging in as best as i can at the moment. it would help if i had some friends that i could vent to but sadly i have no friends. havent had any in a long time. thanks for replying.
 
A

AyCee

Hi everyone! Joining this group as my boyfriend of 8 years has Crohn's disease. He was diagnosed 14 years ago so he already had it when we met. 10 months into our relationship he had to have emergency surgery to get a permanent ileostomy. I couldn't imagine not being around to support him through the good and bad days.
 
N

Naomi802

So this is all really new to me and its taken me quite a bit of time to get the courage to come on here. Ive been reading so many different stories and figured that this was my best chance at coming to terms with my current situation and getting some help! So my boyfriend of just over a year has CD, things have always been a challenge for us as a couple but we always get through it together! He's been having a tough time and it's making our relationship difficult to maintain.

These past four months he has been going through a terrible spell. One that I would say is the worst I've seen him go through. He barely wants to see me and says that he need's his rest. I have always understood that and have tried to just do the things that he needs me to do, and if there isn't anything I try to just leave him alone. He tells me not to take it personally, but lately its been hard to think that he doesn't want the distance from me specifically. He runs his own crossfit gym and will wake up at 5am to do his sessions and then will go most of the day without texting/talking to me. The only way I get to see him is if I either drive out to see him (about 20 min each way!) or if I take one of his classes. I do my best to take it as he's just trying to stay committed to his passion. But a lot of the time it feels like I have to take the back seat in most situations and remind myself that he's the one with the illness and not me.

Another things is that his level of intimacy is basically non-existent! He hasn't made any form of pass on me in these past four months and I'm beginning to feel extremely insecure about everything surrounding my position in our relationship. When I think about it long enough I feel shameful for being upset about not having an intimate relationship with him when he goes through what he does, but at the same time I feel like my needs should be important too. I feel extremely selfish for being upset about these kinds of things but it is part of any relationship right? Illness or no illness!

Lastly I've tried talking to him about how I have been feeling lately and it either never gets resolved or ends in us both filled with resentment. I've suggested that we take time apart so he can focus on himself but he seems to get upset when i suggest distance and says I need to stop threatening him with a breakup because the added stress just makes it work for him. But the only reason I suggest it is because trying to talk to him these past four months is like talking to a brick wall. He says that looking at his phone gives him anxiety because he knows I've blown up his phone and get mad at him for not answering me for hours at a time.

Fast-forward a bit and we have now both agreed that we are going to take these next couple of weeks to be apart and figure ourselves out. Normally I'd say that it could be a healthy thing, but more and more each day I feel as though I'm either not strong enough as a partner or mentally to keep the relationship running. With each conversation we grow further apart and I feel like I make him feel guilty for having CD when that's not my intention at all.

I'm hoping that there is someone out there with any form of advice on how we can maintain a healthy relationship when things get this bad, because I know there will always be times like this!

Please help!
Naomi (p.s Sorry for such a long message, I'm really desperate for help)
Naomi
 
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