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Staying sane

I've had the dreaded crohns for over a decade now. I thought it would get easier and less confusing in time. It's only gotten harder. When I was young I didn't have the added pressure of responsibility. Taking care of someone else while trying to take care of me. I just kind of let my self go by the way side for my family. I wouldn't change it for anything. It's hard to watch my family see me decline at a rapid pace. They don't understand and they don't know how to help. With three young children that is no surprise. In time I hope they learn more and become more understanding. With my husband it is different. I see the weight of my illness in his eyes. It's so unfair to him. It's added pressure that he is the only bread winner. The financial burden of this is heavy. It's not cheap. Now I'm beginning to wonder if we are strong enough to survive this. He is a good husband but this would drive a wedge between any good couple. The love is there. I know the love is still in us. Is it right to hang on so hard to something you feel is right but you don't want to hurt someone else. Does that person deserve to suffer too?
The hardest part of all has to be the intimate areas. The lack there of I should say. With this disease the pain makes it almost impossible to get in that sexy loving mood. For me it's tough. The rejection my husband feels is much worse. The longing and wanting is there but the fear of rejection leaves us distant. It's such an important part of marriage. My husband is a very supportive man. Still even a good man has a limit. I can see how that would affect anyone.


Staff member
Hi Anewhope29, sorry for the late reply. Welcome to the forum! :D

You may want to take the time to read this as I think it will help you: http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=12000

What's your current treatment plan? How long have you been on this treatment plan? What are your current symptoms? Are you currently seeing a GI?

Having a chronic illness isn't easy on us nor those who are around us but that doesn't mean it's impossible for us to have a great life with others. There is treatment out there and it is possible to go into remission and stay there for long periods of time.

I understand that getting intimate isn't easy. I have that problem myself. It's not just our current symptoms that make us not feel in the mood but the constant fatigue and depression are also big factors. One thing you can do is take advantage of those times where you're feeling a bit better. Make the most of them by spending time with your husband if you're able. It doesn't have to just be sex as there's so much worry and pressure that comes with even the thought of sex. Start out with simple things like snuggling. If it leads somewhere then great but it doesn't always have to. There are also other ways to please him and yourself that don't involve all that jostling around but again only do this when you're feeling well enough.

Keep us posted on how you're doing. :)

Im so sorry you are going through this. First off, you have to take care of yourself so you can be the best you can for your family.

It sounds like your husband is a good, loving man. Im sure with your current situation and pain, that your health and well being is at the top of his list. If you think differently, talk with him. The worse thing you can do is holding your feeling in and letting them fester. Having crohn's disease is enough to worry about. I have been in a flare for over 7 months now. The first 3 months, we was like strangers because of the pain I was in "ALWAYS". I talked with my wife because I felt the same way you do now. I can only give you my experience that was: we married each other because we are in love. We didn't marry each other for sex. Yes, that is a part of marriage, but it isn't happening because I dont want it to. She told me to hug her, hold her, and tell her I love her because that's why she married me in the first place. If you talk it over with your husband, sure he would tell you the same thing.

Also, being nervous, having anxiety will/can cause your Crohn's act up, so the quicker you get this issue off your chest, the better. On the financial strain, I can only say that I have drained my savings, I have not worked in 7 months, but I put my faith in God. Let me tell ya, I cant explain it but in the past 8 months I have: Gallbladder removed, fistula surgery, 2 CT scans, 2 MRIs, barium swallow, 3 back procedures " scheduled ", countless meds, and countless doctors from my colorectal surgeon, general surgeon, Nero surgeon, GI doctor, Spine doctor, and hip doctor, and I manage to find a way to have it done.

Keep your head up, and take care of yourself.