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Stoma, dating and sex.

Can I vent a bit, as well as get some advice? So, I have a permanent stoma now.

When I was in hospital for 2 months which cumulated in me getting my stoma; my then husband decided to leave me and our 2 kids (that was extremely hard on them). He said that my stoma was gross and revolting, that it was like I wasn't human, it would put him off his food etc. He visited me once in the hospital after he had informed he was going to leave, but there was a hot Nurse out in the hall who he had to go talk to, so he only stayed for like about 30 seconds. My ex husband used to be a model for many years, so looks and body image where very important to him (too important obviously, and I didn't realise what I had married). He also, in my opinion, was a Narcissist. Everything had to look just perfect. Me and my stoma just didn't make the cut, anymore. Anyway, I feel I am better off without that kind of malignant self-love that he had.

But what this has done, has really knocked me for dating. I am too scared to even try to date. It's been two years, and I have shied away from every poor guy that has tried to even just hit on me, let alone ask me out. My fear is that they would never want to be near me, once the discover the hidden truth on my body, the Stoma.

Not that I hate my stoma. In fact it's never bothered me. My life's so much better with it. But I'm scared for people to see it. I am just worried that anyone I date will, well, leave me because of it.

So, I ask this; what experiences has anyone else had with starting dating after a stoma? How do you deal with it during sex? How have partners reacted to it (because I'm to scared to even show anyone, now)?
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What a jerk!

Enough about him. I never had a problem with my husband. He dove right in, consulting with a cousin who had an ostomy for years. He learned all he could, and he changed my bag while I was too sick.

That being said, I was the one with the problem. I was embarrassed and shy about it, even though he had been so supportive.

So....I found this site:
and it made all of the difference. The covers are very pretty, albeit a bit expensive, they last forever and clean easily in case of a leak. (on our honeymoon, I leaked all over the bed, him, me.....yeah that was nifty lol)

Don't allow your ex to dictate your future. Don't be afraid. There are many men out there who would be supportive. Don't allow your jerk ex into your tomorrows. :)
Hello, don't worry about what your date is going to say to you. Get to know them first and them tell them about your stoma. If they are worth your time at all they will be ok with it. I had my operation when I was 20 and I'm 51 now. I've been married and have kids. I don't use clear bags I use a convatec 1" opaque bag. I empty bag, fold it back on itself and tape it to my stomach. I also wear a t shirt. I thought I would never get married or have kids but it never was an issue with the women I dated. Stay positive and I hope this helps you. Take care.


Well-known member
You may want to find a stoma group or club, there is a good chance to find someone in common who also has 'the bag'. Stay strong, your ex is a very weak person not worth your time. On the upside, you found out this match was not right and put an end to it, rather than having to have the relationship drag on through your entire life. You now have the opportunity to move your life forward in meaningful manner. The problem is his fault and none of your own.
I got my stoma at age 22 it grossed a couple girls I dated out.A few others it didn't bother but what did bother them was I didn't drink and that seemed to be their favorite activity.The next 2 years I missed tons of work having surgery after surgery and got rid of the stoma but soon had to get a permanent one so at age 24 I returned to work and met a girl really quickly who had a 2 year old from a previous relationship and we dated for a couple months and she had no idea I had a stoma I told her I was real sick but she didn't seem to care but I got sick and she came to visit me in the hospital and when my nurse came in to check my stoma output she was horrified and I never saw her again.Since then I've had tons of health issues and I haven't really looked to date because I'm not a fan of drama and in all fairness it's not fair to the other person to have to deal with somebody that's sick all the time especially at a young age.