Can I vent a bit, as well as get some advice? So, I have a permanent stoma now.
When I was in hospital for 2 months which cumulated in me getting my stoma; my then husband decided to leave me and our 2 kids (that was extremely hard on them). He said that my stoma was gross and revolting, that it was like I wasn't human, it would put him off his food etc. He visited me once in the hospital after he had informed he was going to leave, but there was a hot Nurse out in the hall who he had to go talk to, so he only stayed for like about 30 seconds. My ex husband used to be a model for many years, so looks and body image where very important to him (too important obviously, and I didn't realise what I had married). He also, in my opinion, was a Narcissist. Everything had to look just perfect. Me and my stoma just didn't make the cut, anymore. Anyway, I feel I am better off without that kind of malignant self-love that he had.
But what this has done, has really knocked me for dating. I am too scared to even try to date. It's been two years, and I have shied away from every poor guy that has tried to even just hit on me, let alone ask me out. My fear is that they would never want to be near me, once the discover the hidden truth on my body, the Stoma.
Not that I hate my stoma. In fact it's never bothered me. My life's so much better with it. But I'm scared for people to see it. I am just worried that anyone I date will, well, leave me because of it.
So, I ask this; what experiences has anyone else had with starting dating after a stoma? How do you deal with it during sex? How have partners reacted to it (because I'm to scared to even show anyone, now)?
When I was in hospital for 2 months which cumulated in me getting my stoma; my then husband decided to leave me and our 2 kids (that was extremely hard on them). He said that my stoma was gross and revolting, that it was like I wasn't human, it would put him off his food etc. He visited me once in the hospital after he had informed he was going to leave, but there was a hot Nurse out in the hall who he had to go talk to, so he only stayed for like about 30 seconds. My ex husband used to be a model for many years, so looks and body image where very important to him (too important obviously, and I didn't realise what I had married). He also, in my opinion, was a Narcissist. Everything had to look just perfect. Me and my stoma just didn't make the cut, anymore. Anyway, I feel I am better off without that kind of malignant self-love that he had.
But what this has done, has really knocked me for dating. I am too scared to even try to date. It's been two years, and I have shied away from every poor guy that has tried to even just hit on me, let alone ask me out. My fear is that they would never want to be near me, once the discover the hidden truth on my body, the Stoma.
Not that I hate my stoma. In fact it's never bothered me. My life's so much better with it. But I'm scared for people to see it. I am just worried that anyone I date will, well, leave me because of it.
So, I ask this; what experiences has anyone else had with starting dating after a stoma? How do you deal with it during sex? How have partners reacted to it (because I'm to scared to even show anyone, now)?
Last edited: