I had a illeostomy for perianal Crohn's. I resisted as long as possible and was suffering tremendously at work with multiple long-term fistulas. I was also losing a lot of weight. Ultimately I was incontinent and in too much pain to continue, and my attitude changed quickly. That's nothing you can force. But here's the good news: My fistulas and back end improved at lighting speed. I was shocked at the improvement just days after surgery while I was still in the hospital. I had a normal butt again! Suddenly the hand mirror was my friend. And most importantly, I was out of pain. That's what changed my attitude about a stoma instant presto. I was out of pain, able to put on weight, able to sit comfortably, and I no longer had to run to the bathroom and sometimes not make it. I didn't realize how much of a burden i was carrying until it was lifted. I actually took a picture of my backside before surgery to remind me why i was doing this. Making a list of all your fistula challenges and what you're missing can help.
Stomas are very individual and require a personal adjustment. Make friends with your stoma nurse. I've had some rare complications to work through and its still worth it to me. What's the first thing I did after surgery? I sat my pain free bottom down in a kayak for the first time and paddled around with friends for my birthday. I saw pelicans, cranes, and sea lions. I cried with joy I felt so free. I hope you find that freedom too. All the best to you both.
